tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1394646416196926702024-02-18T20:37:48.082-05:00Panorama of the Diametrically OpposedA revolutionary blog all about high school relationships, young love, gender stereotypes and other topics of that nature. As told by Duncan MacLaury and April Zhang, two people who do not necessarily have all the experience or insight in the world, but who have interesting things to say.
We LOVE Guest Contributors. And we know you have something to say. So write up a post on anything you want, and email it to the Contributor of the corresponding gender.Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-74046742155474865842011-05-04T23:47:00.000-04:002011-05-05T00:10:56.896-04:00Anonymous Guest Post on Sex<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></span><br />
<div>There I was, studying at my desk in my apartment at 12:30am. Intently reading my textbook in the silence of the night when I started to hear a constant tapping in the distance. I didn't think anything of it until I heard the moaning. Lots of it. This has been happening a couple of times every other week since the winter. The sound proofing in my apartment building isn't the best but one of my roommate's actually slept in the livingroom because the activities going on upstairs were so intense!</div><div> </div><div>I admit, my roommates and I have acted immaturely every once in a while by moaning obnoxiously back at them (which stops the upstairs festivities for all of 2 minutes). My roommate will come into my room saying, "Ughh they're at it <strong>again</strong>!"</div><div> </div><div>Which brings me to the question, why is sex so taboo? Why do we look down upon others doing it (not literally of course, creep!) while we are (secretly) wishing to be in the same position? Is that so contradictory? The last time the upstairs incident occured I found myself with jealous feelings. Is that all it is? Are we only jeering rather than cheering because of jealousy?</div><div> </div><div>Written by: sqrt(69)</div><div>White female. 20. Straight. In a relationship.</div>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-15100105568571217802010-10-17T13:42:00.000-04:002011-05-05T00:10:42.094-04:00Anonymous Guest Post on Hooking Up<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">You're pleasantly buzzed, and then you take that one extra shot, so now you've drunk just a little too much, but it's still okay. You haven't lost your mind yet, just your inhibition. So when that object of your affection or casual acquaintance you always thought was cool or even perfect stranger whose name is mumbled in the darkness to be forgotten the next day comes by, they're a little more appealing, and you're a little bolder. A touch here, a touch there, and soon you're off to somewhere more private to get to know each other better: one of your rooms, or just a couch in a corner if time/place are restricting.<br />
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It's often a one-time thing. Or maybe a two-time thing. Or it could progress into a friends w/ benefits situation. It could even evolve into a relationship, given the right circumstances. But what is it? Hookup. What does the word even mean? It covers a wide range from making out to fully having sex, and everything in between. "Heavy petting", "hanky panky". It's vague enough to protect from judging or condemnation, but telling enough to allow a claim of "doing something with someone" and not being alone, while reserving the details for yourself. The word's power lies in its lack of specificity.<br />
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The practice, contrary to some media reports, isn't inherently dangerous. Sure, it's risky (and stupid) to be having a lot of unprotected intimate contact with a lot of people,or to enter into situations where consent is questionable. But, in my experience, there isn't a pervasive hookup culture that's degrading, or damaging to girls (many of whom want some just as much as guys do!), or preventive of real, healthy relationships. Those who say so probably overestimate the "purity" of past times.<br />
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Hookups can allow you to explore without committing yourself too deeply. You can figure out what works and what doesn't, see what feels good, and practice bedroom encounters without heavy-handed emotions getting in the way. It might be easier to have a good time by following some guidelines:<br />
<br />
*use protection when needed, pretty straightforward<br />
*always make sure it's consensual for both of you for the whole tiem, because only consent is sexy<br />
*be polite afterwards: even if you regret it, it's not going to make matters better by being rude to your partner; don't blame him/her for your own succumbing to Captain Morgan<br />
*whether you're hooking up with a different person every weekend or whether you refuse to do anything without a Facebook-official relationship and everything, ask yourself if this is what you really want; you never know unless you try<br />
*contact health or psych services if things turn out not the way you wanted it to<br />
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Basically, don't assume too much beforehand, like that the person in your sights thinks you're as hot as you think you are, and afterwards, accept that it happened and continue if you both want to or just move on. A hookup can provide experience, stories to share, even maybe a bit of self-knowledge, and, of course, pleasure. So have fun!<br />
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Just my 2 cents.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>To submit anonymously, see directions </i></span><a href="http://diametricallyopposedpanorama.blogspot.com/p/how-to-submit.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>here</i></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>!</i></span></span>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-58287934480488873032010-09-12T14:38:00.001-04:002011-05-05T00:10:42.095-04:00Ice Chewer on Hooking Up<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div><span style="border-collapse: separate;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">"King of the class, I'd rather lay up with a hottie</span></span></span></div><div><span style="border-collapse: separate;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Single doesnt mean Im lookin for somebody (I Hate College Remix)" </span></span></span></div><div><span style="border-collapse: separate;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div><span style="border-collapse: separate;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">"All the fellas nod their heads</span></span></span></div><div><span style="border-collapse: separate;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">All the ladies fall in love</span></span></span></div><div><span style="border-collapse: separate;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Or in lust, either one baby i don't give a fuck</span></span></span></div><div><span style="border-collapse: separate;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Uh uhh my tab's open, yeah (Tabs Open)"</span></span></span></div><div><span style="border-collapse: separate;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div><span style="border-collapse: separate;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Above, my fave Sammy Adams uneloquently references the nature of our fuck-it-all-lets-get-laid college party culture. I'd like to go ahead and disagree with his prospect that ladies can fall in love during the course of one night. It's very much only the lust option. Then again, it's not like he gives a fuck. </span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="border-collapse: separate; font-size: 12px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">A couple nights ago, I was jamming to Sammy, absolutely wanting to party while simultaneously berating myself for entertaining such slutty desires. Then, I started watching old episodes of Gossip Girl, and Dan and Serena's bus scene comes up. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch it.)</span></span></div><object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/P9Z6xzoE574?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/P9Z6xzoE574?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Hot much? Sooooo hot. Hot enough for my mind to start spinning its own forbidden, cherry-licking fantasies. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Those are just two examples, but tons of magazines, hormones, music and moving pixels surround us daily, screaming 'SEX! Get yours today-- fast, easy and better than ever!' They're all triggers, driving us to crave sweaty, salty spontaneous risks, adrenaline rushes and thoughtless passion culminating in ultimate feral pleasure.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Hence, the appeal of a hookup. If all goes well, and everyone's on the same page, it seems pretty awesome. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Yet, I have a bone to pick with my sex drive. I'm not sure how I feel about hookups. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">My non hypothetical question for you: Do hookups make you REALLY, SUPER happy? Like, truly just bubbling inside because you know that what you just did was incredibly fulfilling and passionately flamed with absolute respect and love for your partner, touching on a phenomenal spiritual connection that dwarfs your physical one? Probably not. Aside from seeming ridiculous, that type of experience is not the point. You know that when you wake up in the morning, this person won't be in your life anymore. Well, maybe -- but not like that. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Yet, some people (ahem, Catholics, for sure) aspire to reach that spiritual level in sex. That's one reason why they put it on such a pedestal, forbidden and shameful for experimental, unwed teenagers to try attaining. However, I'm starting to think that that type of sex is very different from hook up sex -- different enough that they shouldn't be compared, but just put in their separate categories and let be. Okay, okay -- my complete inexperience with this subject renders my opinions fairly useless. But still. It makes a little sense, right? </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">At this point in our lives, many of us don't have a steady significant other to share sex with in a meaningful way. Our lifestyles and goals are different than comparatively older couples. Is it so wrong to want to let loose some while we're young? What are we supposed to do with our sex drives? Let them rot there, and then leak their way into other parts of our bodies and brains, eventually to be manifested by changes in mood and general well-being? Maybe that's far-fetched, but I don't think so. </span></span></div><div class="im" style="color: #500050;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I suppose I'm preaching sexual freedom. Never thought I'd do that. At the same time, I do believe that sex can be sacred and special and all that. I'm just not sure that the two are mutually exclusive, so I find it frustrating that people who do one assume that the other is wrong and inferior. Hence, the hyperboles of 'prude' or 'slut'. Can't we be both, or neither? </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Alright, it's late. I can't think anymore, from now on everything will be gibberish. haha, later guys. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Ice Chewer is nineteen, female, straight and single.</i></span></span></div></div>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-80822715203307777872010-09-10T02:32:00.000-04:002011-05-05T00:10:42.095-04:00April on hooking upIn my <a href="http://diametricallyopposedpanorama.blogspot.com/p/meet-april.html">intro</a>, I said I'm not much for hooking up because I prefer being in love. And I do.<br />
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But I'm not always in a relationship by any means - I am in no way a 'serial monogamist.' There is definitely merit to the idea of hooking up without romantic attachment; it's something to do (to <i>satisfy</i>, if you will) between more serious relationships.<br />
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Still, based on the very little experience with this that I do have, I find that purely sexual (that is, non-romantic) lust-induced hooking up doesn't fully satisfy without that emotional factor. I need substance for my mind to stay interested. Like, what am I supposed to <i>think</i> about? Maybe I'm still a little bit prude (I <i>still </i>have a hard time believing people are <i>having sex</i> but I mean, we're in college) but I don't think I'm fully comfortable with hooking up, knowing that it's for sexual needs only. Maybe I'm not that comfortable with myself yet - it's hard to be that intimate with someone else. It's, like, ultimate vulnerability. At least for me.<br />
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And to clarify, I define 'hooking up' as anything from making out to sex, and everything in between.<br />
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Now, let's talk alcohol. We're in college. We drink. A lot. We get drunk. Often. And uninhibited late-night clouded-judgement hooking up is common. That's a fact. But we like it. (And when I say we, I don't mean to alienate the wholesome morally-upstanding people who prefer sobriety. Kudos!) It definitely leads to awkward mornings after. But I know that I like drinking because of the uninhibitedness - I can be as crazy as my liver will let me, and it's not my fault - it's the 5 shots of Svedka I pounded before going to this frat party. Alcohol allows you to hook up with that guy you've been eyeing but were too shy to meet sober, and you hope that he's less drunk than you because he'll remember everything and you'll just remember that you finally worked up the (drunken) courage to talk to him! We could go on about this topic for years. (Which is why there are guest posts!)<br />
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Hooking up is made a million times easier with the presence of alcohol and the acceptance of binge-drinking. Now, is this a good thing or a bad thing? Discuss.<br />
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<i>April is nineteen, female, straight and single.</i>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-26303682454313784862010-08-02T11:01:00.002-04:002011-05-05T00:08:03.757-04:00Trying Long Distance on Interfaith Dating<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-style: normal; line-height: 20px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Meet Trying Long Distance (TLD) </span></i><a href="http://diametricallyopposedpanorama.blogspot.com/p/trying-long-distance.html" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">here</span></i></a><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">.</span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"You know, statistically speaking, chances were you’d end up with a Christian girl. Sorry about that.”</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I was laughing, but really, we both knew it was true. I’m technically an agnostic, but for all points and purposes I may as well be called an atheist. I pretty much live my life as though there isn’t a God. My boyfriend is a Christian, a pastor’s son.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I’m not going to lie: these two systems of belief are kind of hard to mesh. As two very independent individuals, faith is an integrity thing. He is not going to alter his beliefs for me, and I wouldn’t ever want him to. I’m not going to become religious for his sake, or even pretend to. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he asked me if I could ever see my views changing, and I shook my head. “I can’t. I can’t do that for you.”</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The longer we stay together the more these issues will come up. For now his parents are happy to see him happy, but at some point I know they’re going to start questioning where we’re taking this. It’s a little bit unfair, or at least unbalanced: he’s going to have more people on his case than I will.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Despite everything, I’m happy to say that I think an interfaith relationship is possible. As every couple should, we put an emphasis on respect and communication. I’d venture to say it’s even more imperative in a situation like ours.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">TLD is female, straight, eighteen years old, and in a relationship.</span></i></span></i></span>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-83934050431977339812010-07-26T22:01:00.000-04:002011-05-05T00:08:03.758-04:00CD on Interracial/Interfaith Dating<div><i>Meet CD (Casual Dater) <a href="http://diametricallyopposedpanorama.blogspot.com/p/casual-dater.html">here</a>.</i></div><div><br />
</div><div>Heya there readers,</div><div><br />
</div><div>If you remember from <a href="http://diametricallyopposedpanorama.blogspot.com/p/casual-dater.html">my intro</a>, I'm a practicing Jew. I do take my faith very seriously. That said, when it comes to interfaith dating, <b>I'm all for it.</b></div><div><b><br />
</b></div><div>Now if that happens to be surprising to you, let me explain.</div><div>This hearkens back to my general philosophy as outlined in <a href="http://diametricallyopposedpanorama.blogspot.com/p/casual-dater.html">my intro</a>: dating is not marriage nor does it even indicate compatibility in any sort of romantic relationship.</div><div><br />
</div><div>In the early dating stages, it really shouldn't make a difference what faith a person practices (or doesn't practice) just like any other differences in opinion should not make a huge difference. We shut ourselves off to potentially wonderful people just because of a relatively arbitrary initial distinction.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Then again, I can't, at this point, picture myself marrying a non-Jewish man. Does that mean that I'll limit my dating options to only Jewish men just because I hold that principle? No. Perhaps I'll find that with the right person, his Judaism becomes less relevant.</div><div><br />
</div><div>So why limit ourselves? It simply does not make sense to go on a date with the same expectations you have for a life partner. Try it out! You might surprise yourself.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Coincidentally, most of the people I've had serious crushes on in recent memory were not Jewish, but all of the people I've "dated" were. For me, it's not even a serious consideration anymore and won't be until I'm ready to commit for the longer term.</div><div><br />
</div><div>That's just how I roll.</div><div>Peace out,</div><div>CD</div><div><br />
</div><div><i>CD (Casual Dater) is female, straight and 20 years old.</i><br />
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<b><i>Note from the Editor: </i>If you have things to say about this topic, write up a post! To keep your contributions completely anonymous, log in to our PDO Writer <a href="http://www.gmail.com/">gmail account</a>:</b><br />
<b>username: pdo.writer</b><br />
<b>password: diametric</b><br />
<b>So submit! (especially if you're a guy or in an interracial relationship)</b></div>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-62358307478394695032010-07-26T19:33:00.000-04:002011-05-05T00:08:03.758-04:00Taking a Break on Interracial/Interfaith Dating<i>Meet Taking a Break (TaB) </i><a href="http://diametricallyopposedpanorama.blogspot.com/p/taking-break.html"><i>here</i></a><i>.</i><br />
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So far in life, it seems that I have been plagued with only liking boys I can’t have. I mean, it is hard enough to find a guy in general, but adding on the religious constraints my parents add makes things quite difficult. They have told me, since I was little, that they will not attend my wedding if I marry outside of my religion. Now, that sounds downright evil, you may be thinking, and quite a few friends have said to me that this sounds racist. I love and respect my parents, and I want their support at my wedding, even if they are being rather harsh.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Disregarding these rules, I dated out of our religion. I felt that I was probably not going to marry my first boyfriend, so it would be no big deal. I couldn’t have been more wrong. My mother was ashamed of my relationship, and she made sure her mother didn’t find out, because my grandmother would most certainly have complained about it as she had done when my cousin dated outside of our religion. Additionally, <i>his</i> parents didn’t want him dating me either, based on racial grounds. The relationship lasted longer than I had initially expected, but as we grew closer, our parents’ desires and no possibility of a real future kept pulling us apart. And when it ended, unfortunately, this whole race/religion/parents thing was a big factor.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">One thing that this relationship taught me, however, is that I would prefer to marry someone within my religion. The culture, the traditions, the holidays, are all very important to my identity, and although I could love someone who does not have those as part of their life, I’d prefer finding someone who I could share them with. If I want to raise a family someday within my religion, I’ll need a partner with at least some of the cultural values that I have been brought up with.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Although, in the end, I came to the same conclusion as my parents, I don’t think they went about it the right way. Threatening your child in that way makes staying within your religion or race seem like a punishment or a constraint, but in reality, I would have come to the same decision on my own eventually. If culture and religion are important to you, as it is to me, it will be your own factor in finding a mate. And if religion and race is not important to you as you find a partner that is perfectly alright. An individual will try and make the decision that is right for them and their situation. Parents can give advice and support, but ultimately it is the child’s choice, and they should be able to accept that.<br />
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<i>Taking a Break (TaB) is nineteen, female and single.</i><br />
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</i><br />
<b>PS (note from the editor): New comment form so you can respond to individual comments!</b></div>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-86320893701531968462010-07-26T18:28:00.000-04:002011-05-05T00:08:03.759-04:00April on Interracial DatingIf you're new to the blog, <a href="http://diametricallyopposedpanorama.blogspot.com/p/meet-april.html">I'm April</a>. Nice to meet you. I'm one of the creators of this blog, and I'm super excited to start it up again with fresh writers and new topics :) Feel free to go back and read our archived posts to see what we're all about.<br />
<br />
<b>Quick intro</b>:<br />
First, read <a href="http://diametricallyopposedpanorama.blogspot.com/p/meet-april.html">this</a>. And since this post is about race and religion: I'm Chinese, but my parents are not your typical strict-about-dating-and-boys Asian parents. I'm very nonreligious - I was raised without any sort of religious background, and I still don't completely understand it. So...there you go - everything you didn't need to know about me and more.<br />
<br />
<b>On being Asian:</b><br />
As an ABC (American Born Chinese), I'm pretty white for an Asian. I may like school and math in particular, but I don't speak Chinese, I don't eat the food that much, and truthfully I don't know what "real" Asians do, so I can't even complete this list of things that I don't do.<br />
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I have always known that I will never marry an Asian guy. (When I say Asian, I'm including oriental Asians only - Indians are fair game.) I'd probably date a couple in the next ten years or so, but not seriously. This may be because I think half-Asians are the best thing ever, and obviously, me reproducing with another Asian would result in full-Asian babies. But really I'm just not attracted to them. I like all other kinds of guys - white, Jewish, Black, Indian, Hispanic, you name it.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">[Let me just add half-Asians to that list. Like I said, I think they are the best thing ever. I guess this can be explained: There are Asian qualities that I like, most certainly, but there are those that I apparently do not like. The half-non-Asian part of half-Asians takes those qualities away, I suppose. Not sure.]</span><br />
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<b>On interracial and interfaith dating:</b><br />
While I've only dated white guys in the past, I have liked guys (or should we call them men?) of all colors and religions. Being the yellow-on-the-outside-white-on-the-inside Asian that I am, it's really not a big deal. My parents are not limiting me to only Chinese dudes (thank god) and they really couldn't care less about who I date. In terms of affluence, Asians and whites are typically on fairly equal ground, so socio-economically, there's no difference. There's no Pretty In Pink storyline anywhere. That would be a great topic for another day.<br />
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I don't think I could ever date someone who was religious, because that would be a huge part of him that I just wouldn't be able to understand.<br />
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<b>Conclusion:</b><br />
This post can be summed up like so:<br />
<ul><li>I'm Asian, but I don't like Asians. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(unless they're half-Asian)</span></li>
<li>My parents do not restrict who I can and can't date; for this, I am very thankful.</li>
<li>I cannot imagine what my life would be like if they did restrict my love life <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(see bullet 1)</span>.</li>
<li>If only because religion is a pretty big part of people's lives, I could not date someone who was very religious because I wouldn't be able to share in that big part of their life.</li>
<li>I believe our other contributors can offer much better insight on this topic.</li>
</ul><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Thanks very much to Tanya and Maddy for this fabulous topic suggestion!</span></div><div><br />
</div><div><i>April is female, straight and 19 years old.</i></div>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-61712396549098879122010-06-24T02:05:00.000-04:002010-06-24T02:05:21.067-04:00Restarting back up again?Hey.<br />
<br />
I don't know who would still be reading this at this point, since the last post was over a year ago, and the last post before that was almost two years ago. But if you're out there, I'm thinking of starting this up again. It would give me something to do, and I still am extremely interested in this topic.<br />
<br />
I just got home from hanging out with two friends, and we basically talked for hours about relationships, hookups, dating, etc. And after a year in college, I think we all have new experiences, insights and opinions to share.<br />
<br />
And I'd like to continue again, and this time include more voices. Duncan and I are only two people with only our personal experiences to talk about, which are naturally limited. And there are many people out there who can't relate to us, but may be able to relate to others. Like people who have never been kissed. People who have never been in a relationship and people who have never been in love. Single people, casual daters, drunken-hookups-only type people. People who have dated one person on and off for years. People who want to save themselves for marriage, or just love. People who want to get it over with. Perhaps there are people who would be open to blogging about their sex lives (or lack thereof).<br />
<br />
This stuff can get personal. So what if we made the authors anonymous? Maybe just with a simple label like "Nerdy Guy" or "Hot Girl" or "Bro" (ha). This way, we could all be more honest and open, which would open up more discussion.<br />
<br />
We could definitely revisit some of the topics we've already gone over, since I'm sure our opinions have changed, even just slightly. I mean, we're <i>college students</i> now. Surely we've had our fair share of embarrassing stories, awkward hookups, and perhaps experimentation - and now there's illegal substances and their effects to be added into the mix.<br />
<br />
Here's a thought. I think I have forgotten how to flirt. And that's just awful! Tips, lessons, anecdotes - all totally welcome in my book. And maybe there are people who just plain never knew how (ahem).<br />
<br />
And it's summer! I don't know anyone who's not looking for a summer fling. And there's also the awkwardness of being home for the summer with high school friends we said goodbye to last year, and the anticipation of going back to school with a totally new set of people (freshmen!) to eye. Or someone you had to put on hold for the summer, and you want to see how it goes come fall.<br />
<br />
I just love this blog because we discuss so many different things, and the possibilities are endless, and everyone can find something to learn or think about - it's so applicable to our lives. We're all college students or high-schoolers, and we're all going through the same things, more or less.<br />
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I apologize for the all-over-the-place-ness of this post. It's late. I have to wake up in four hours. Comment with thoughts!Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-16063278300323847312009-02-08T15:23:00.003-05:002009-02-08T15:45:01.712-05:00the return?!I decided that it was a good time to start blogging again. It's been a LOOOOOOONG time.<br /><br />Firstly.<br />Everyone says this trailer kinda sucks, and I agree, but I still want to see this movie.<br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0IeXqvFR6HI&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0IeXqvFR6HI&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br />More girls than guys will be seeing this movie, of course, but I'd still really want to know a guy's perspective on it.<br /><br />It's also a book, in case you didn't know.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://kateblogsworth.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/hes_just_not_that_into_you.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 329px; height: 500px;" src="http://kateblogsworth.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/hes_just_not_that_into_you.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />I haven't read it or seen it, but I want to. And when I do, I'm sure I'll have things to day.<br /><br />AND<br />watch <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7C6ym5gf5s">this</a><br />AND<br />go <a href="http://www.hesjustnotthatintoyoumovie.com/">here</a>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-9038986099837933602008-07-09T23:51:00.001-04:002008-07-09T23:51:54.417-04:00Guest Post, by a guyHigh School relationships & college<br /><br /> College is a time in which one can truly experience a variety of things. As such it should be a time in which you enjoy yourself as you will be finding something that greatly interests you. Be it 1200’s history, PN junction transistor construction, the art of smoking weed, etc you are bound to find something that catches your attention. Furthermore, you start from a clean slate (socially speaking). You may have been the biggest manwhore or the biggest gossip girl in high school but no one will know about that in college. What’s not to look forward to?<br /> Well depending on how you address the situation, there is one thing people in relationships probably don’t want to look forward to - College. College = either long distance relationships which will probably falter or the end of your current relationship. …Well that just sucks! No matter how you look at it, your choices are dismal. But in order to maintain some optimism in this article, we’ll start with the “good” outlook<br /> Situation 1 – your girlfriend and you decide to break up so that you can experience college without any strings attached. Who knows perhaps if you are lucky you’ll meet in four years and hopefully she’ll still recognize you. “Perhaps she’ll realize that she liked you so much that she went into a nunnery [or became a lesbian]” as another blogger once wrote so eloquently. <br /> Oh I’m sorry, that wasn’t too optimistic…let me try again<br /> Situation 2 – You maintain a long distance relationship. The strength of your relationship, although tested by great distances and sexy men or women hitting upon you has not faltered. You end up getting married at the end of college.<br /> There! That’s more optimistic. Ah now I feel all full of bubbling hope. Like a child who just got an A for his report card. Perhaps mom won’t beat me now – well unfortunately that’s unrealistic just like situation 2. The chances of you finding your true love in high school are very very low. You have a better chance of being hit by lightening twice in two different places, surviving that ordeal, bringing peace to the Middle East, and then winning the lottery on the same day. Sorry for bursting that bubble but it was necessary. However, that is not to say that there are couples who do find true love in high school and live happily ever after, wifebeatings and divorces galore. <br /> But honestly, let’s be realistic. Long distance relationships probably won’t work. Even though you may remain in contact with each other by letters or “Shared online activities (e.g., online games such as chess, role play games such as Ragnarok and World of Warcraft)” as wikipedia brilliantly puts it (how many girls do you know play WoW?) nothing will ever replace the needed physical human interaction – seeing your partner, talking with your partner in person, etc. And with this physical aspect of the relationship missing, cracks are likely to form within your relationship – cracks that may cause the once firm house of relationships to crumble to the ground.<br /> If we backtrack a little, it would seem situation 1 is the better situation. As much as I really deplore it, its one of those instances that, as my sister said “you simply met too early”. It’s sad, but perhaps after the entire college ordeal you two will get back together. Who knows? Maybe you will appreciate that person even more. It’s happened before. It may be hard to let go now but it may be the lesser of two evils in the end.<br /> In all seriousness (no more sarcasm) going to college is going to hurt both of you in the relationship if you don’t prepare for it. Talk with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you decide to break up after high school, cherish the time that you have left. Now one might be asking “well what’s the point if you have already decided to breakup?” I honestly don’t have any smartass answer for that one. But look at your relationship. Why did you get together? Do you truly love each other? What would you do if the other died / was in danger and you could prevent it / cheated / was in pain? These are only questions that you and your partner can answer.<br /> Now you should watch something happy after reading this depressing article – idk maybe Sex and the City or legally blond.Duncanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07067456460746238193noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-30819840198816861842008-07-09T22:58:00.001-04:002011-05-05T00:08:42.108-04:00Dating: A term, or a real thing?So, we haven’t blogged in a while. Man, I don’t know if I know how to do this anymore. Maybe it’s like riding a bike. Anyway, the topic of today’s discussion is if dating is a reality or just a label? <br /><br />Is the term dating needed to imply some sort of deeper connection between two people, or is the term something that isn’t needed for a relationship? <br /><br />Of course, dating (in the broad sense of the term) is just something you do with people who you aren’t necessarily dating (in the narrower, modern teenage sense of the word) but want to go somewhere with. To be dating someone implies that you go on dates with this person frequently. Therefore, the idea that going on a date with someone else multiple times means you two date; making dating a reality. But, what about two people, who, for whatever reason, don’t go on dates, but have feelings for each other and are in all other senses of the word in a relationship? If you two don’t do things together as a couple, can you truly be determined to be a couple?<br /><br />I think that the act of dating, while sometimes vitally important to both building and maintaining a relationship, is not necessarily the keystone in the arch which is the relationship. In other words it isn’t needed for the two people to be going on dates with each other to be in a relationship where they can be labeled boyfriend and girlfriend. <br /><br />So, while dating is mostly a reality, and most couples I think do go on dates together, and are therefore dating, it isn’t necessary and comes down in the end to mostly a label and not a reality where it determines the nature of the relationship.Duncanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07067456460746238193noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-45486633204458796862008-07-09T22:43:00.002-04:002011-05-05T00:08:42.108-04:00What's all the hype about dating?The term "dating" isn't as big of a deal as it seems. It doesn't mean anything. I mean, it's used with a couple becomes <i>official</i> or whatever, but can't you be "official" without "dating"? And vice versa? I mean, I'm sure there are people who aren't "official" who are much closer than people who are "dating." Actually, I know for a fact there are.<br /><br />What makes someone more of a boyfriend than a close friend? I've recently become obsessed with <u>Sex and the City</u> and in one episode (I believe it's #306, "Are We Sluts?"), Carrie Bradshaw and her almost-boyfriend Aiden are chilling at her house. And in one minute, he kisses her. She thinks to herself, "boyfriend." In the next minute, he's commenting on how hot Halle Berry is. Carrie thinks, "friend." And two seconds later, he tells her that she's more beautiful and hot than Halle Berry. Carrie thinks, "boyfriend." And so on. And he doesn't sleep with her. So she is very confused.<br /><br />Now. Here's what I thought the entire time I was watching this. Just because a guy thinks someone else (a celebrity for that matter) is really hot, and has the nerve (courage? audacity? none of the above?) to say it in front of a girl, does that mean he isn't interested in her? And just because a guy playfully teases a girl and acts goofy and makes fun of her, does that mean he just wants to be her friend? I'm gonna go with no and no. That just doesn't make sense. What kind of boyfriend doesn't make fun of his girlfriend at all? Would you not shoot yourself if all your boyfriend did was send you flowers and cook for you and tell you you're amazing? Okay, actually, that would be awesome. But the relationship dynamic there would be so weird. What kind of couple would you be if you couldn't have some fun by making fun of eachother?<br /><br />So, once you're dating, does it mean that the guy has to buy you dinner and call you every night and whatever?<br /><br />Seriously, I have trouble defining what is the difference between just friends, friends with benefits, and boyfriend&girlfriend. Actually, what I really don't get is friends with benefits...but we'll save that for another day.<br /><br />But what makes dating so different than the step before that? If you slap on the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," does that change anything except the way other people define you? Is the relationship any different? It's just a label. You don't transport into a new stage just because you called a guy your boyfriend. I mean, sure it's meaningful and important, but it's not any different.<br /><br />It's one thing if you can't kiss and hold hands before you're "official." But who does that? It's like waiting for marriage before you have sex. A lot of people wait, but a lot of people don't. In a way, marriage isn't that different than engagement, which isn't that different from a long term relationship, especially if you live together, or in some cases, ahve a kid. There aren't clear cut stages anymore. You're allowed to do whatever you want. Aside from the legal stuff, marriage is a label too. And dating is even more so because it doesn't begin with a big ceremony and multiple parties.<br /><br />Sorry to bring marriage into this blog....I've been watching too much Sex and the City.Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-80829610949574183542008-06-19T06:49:00.000-04:002008-06-19T06:50:02.110-04:00In my (however unqualified) opinion: how to attract girlsI’m not even going to try to generalize about this one. I’m just going to say what applies to me, as in, what I find attractive in a guy. And hopefully some girls will back me up on at least a few off them.<br /><br />One thing I look at when I see a guy is his shoes. I don’t know anyone else who does this, but honestly, shoes tell a lot. Although not when guys where shoes that do not suit them...but they shoes they where on a day to day basis are fairly accurate to judge from.<br /><br />I also like nerds.<br /><br />But on a more serious note, there’s that whole myth about guys that are “tall, dark, and handsome.” Tall, sure, that’s a good thing, especially if you’re tall. (For me, it’s not much of an issue.) Handsome, definitely. But more on that later. Dark? What does that even mean? Brunette? Tan? Indian/black? In my mind, it means brunette, which I will say is hypothetically my favorite hair color on a guy, but that may be untrue, I don’t really know. The tall, dark and handsome thing goes with the brooding and sexy guy look, which is very attractive.<br /><br />How does one define handsome? I don’t know. If you like someone enough, they are the hottest person in the world. But at first sight, you have to be medium tall to tall, have good muscles, good hair and a good face. Curly hair is adorable, but it depends on the person. I like guys who have pretty faces :] I also love eyes, because that’s where you see one’s feelings and whatnot. Color doesn’t really matter, but Duncan has nice blue eyes =) They just have to be nice-looking.<br /><br />But personality is still key. If I just met a guy and I want to get to know him more, I call it being intrigued. Some people just have really intriguing personalities. I think you have to be personal, charming and smile cutely. By personal, I mean talk to the girl directly. Don’t only talk to the people around her. Talk to her. Then she’ll notice you, and she’ll know you noticed her. And obviously, I like all the clichéd qualities: funny, smart, nice. I think being able to keep a conversation is a dealbreaker. I also think you have to be playful. Make fun of the girl, and let her make fun of you back. Kind of like the way you steal your crush’s hat in fourth grade, only flirtier. Also, look into her eyes when you talk (<i>try</i> not to look at her boobs or something too much, please.) and listen. Guys that can be girly are good too. Like, guys that FEEL things and THINK things and BELIEVE things. These shouldn’t be girly qualities. They’re <i>human</i>.<br /><br />I think what I’m saying is beyond friendly and fun flirting. But I kind of think the same goes for guys as for girls. Don’t be clingy, have confidence, be forward but not too forward. Same deal. It’s cute when you’re nervous or something too. Adorable.Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-68932412938391126532008-06-18T21:27:00.000-04:002008-06-18T21:28:27.383-04:00Worst blog post ever...So, last whenever, April and I talked about things that guys find attractive in girls, and that girls can do to make guys like them. But, what about things that guys do? Do girls have the same sort of standards and weird things that they look for as guys do?<br /><br />I don’t know how to generalize about things that guys can do to get girls to like them, since I’m not a girl, but I guess I can give this a go.<br /><br />So, I think that most girls like guys to be generally attractive, as in have six packs. But really, that’s a huge over generalization. Ok, how about take care of yourself and look nice. I don’t think that girls appreciate if guys look like crap, I know girls freak out about how they look a lot of the time, but they probably want their guy to be nice looking too. Or something.<br /><br />This is not going to be a great post by me, heh.<br /><br />So, anyway, looking nice, making sure you keep yourself groomed; whatever. I don’t know. It probably depends a lot on the girl on whether she thinks a guy looks better with facial hair or without, or with long hair or short. But, maybe the main idea is to have some sort of style of dress and look, just so that you don’t just roll out of bed every morning. <br /><br />But, enough about looking nice. How about how a guy acts? Again, I really have no advice which you haven’t heard I don’t think. I mean, be yourself, and don’t make things forced. I don’t know. The rest of how personality effects attraction is I’m sure also based on personal decision really.<br /><br />Ok, so in conclusion, girls are confusing and I have no idea what they actually want. My strategy is to just try things until it works or until you get in trouble and get hit. But, I don’t think that is really good advice. So, listen to April.Duncanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07067456460746238193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-20192616082356779792008-06-02T20:58:00.000-04:002008-06-02T20:59:09.548-04:00The Rules of Attraction: Being a Guy MagnetI don’t think anyone believes there is a set code of rules to follow in order to become a “guy magnet,” except maybe Seventeen Magazine, whose July 2008 issue features an article about just that. According to the magazine, there are three (imo, retarded) rules to follow to be that one girl that gets all the guys.<br /> First of all, there are always those girls who <i>seem</i> like they get all the guys. But do they really? Aren’t they just slutty? Or uncommitted? But I will say, there is definitely something awesome about being flirty and having lots of options :]<br /> This week, Duncan and I have decided to make our own respective sets of rules for attracting guys. Next week (or next time we blog), we’ll make rules for attracting girls. We/I apologize for waiting, like, forever to blog again, but those crazy comments from the last post took up the better part of our blogging time. Anyway, on to the rules. These are concocted from whatever little personal experience I have as well as focus group research =)<br /> The Rules of Attraction, as told by April:<br /><b>Rule #1: Make him feel comfortable. </b> What I mean is, just be relaxed and don’t be looking for anything. Don’t make him feel pressured to act a certain way and/or do certain things. Be easygoing and let what happens happen. Be friendly and smiley and welcoming. Be easy to talk to and easy to approach; be inviting. Sort of like, let yourself be exposed (figuratively, please) when the time comes.<br /><b>Rule #2: Radiate happiness.</b> I don’t mean smile 100% of the time or anything. But let it be known that you are having a good time and can laugh about things and smile about things. I think most guys want a girl who can laugh and find something positive in any situation. And smiles always make you look pretty, not to mention confident.<br /><b>Rule #3: Be forward, a little.</b> I don’t mean throw yourself at anyone. But sometimes, guys need more than just a little hint (not to say they’re thickheaded, but...). Haha, just kidding. Sometimes, guys like it if you are more forward. Not too forward though, in my opinion. Just don’t be shy.<br /><b>Rule #4: Restrain yourself.</b> This is probably the number one rule I live by. Don’t let yourself go overboard. Think about what you were going to do, and then take a couple steps back and STOP. THERE. This has a load of benefits. 1) You’re not going to look like a complete idiot throwing yourself at some guy. 2) It gives you time to gauge how much you really like him, if you do at all. 3) It gives you time to sit back and observe; you can figure out (or try to) if he likes you back. 4) If he does like you, it leaves him wanting more. =] Even if he doesn’t like you, you can see if he is attracted to you.<br /><br /> I have to say, it was very strange trying to write these. First of all, I’m not a guy. Therefore, I don’t really know what a guy would think of these rules. And also, this set of rules is a complete generalization, which is not ideal but sometimes necessary. It obviously doesn’t apply to everyone and how you use the rules, if at all, depends on who you are and who the guy is. Looking back at this, it’s not really the rules of attraction. It;s more like, how to get a guy to like you. Which is always fun, but not really the best thing to do in the long run. But I definitely believe you can make a guy like you. It’s totally possible. And it’s very fun to try :]Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-76511261218484932192008-06-02T20:54:00.001-04:002008-06-02T20:54:32.065-04:00Things That Girls Can Do, To Make Guys Attracted to Them<p class="MsoNormal">So, this blog post was touched off by a 17 Magazine article about ways that girls should act and such to make guys attracted to them. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, I guess I will attempt to make a list of things that girls can do to make guys attracted to them, or interested in them, or something like that. Of course, this list is going to be just for me, but I think that a lot of what I’m going to say can apply to many different guys.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, the article talked about confidence, and how to look confident when talking to guys and such. And I agree with that. I think that for both guys and girls, being confident about yourself, about how you look, about how you are acting is one of those things that are attractive. Everyone likes attention as well, so the girl starting flirting or talking to the guy first is of course something that is attractive. And that is confidence too; because usually guys are supposed to approach girls, but if the girl shows the confidence to go over to the attractive guy they see they’ll break boundaries and look extra confident and sure of themselves that way. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Another thing that guys appreciate is body contact. The article also said this. But, the article talked about touching his hand and stuff. I think that body contact really depends on how it is done. Sure, hugging is one thing, but a lot of the time, hugging is just a greeting or a farewell. But subtle things like taking his hand or sitting near him. Of course, the stereotype of the guy who is too oblivious to subtly is sometimes true. Stuff like that doesn’t always work, so sometimes you have to resort to more drastic measures like…</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Walking around naked. Enough said.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">But really, guys do like girls showing off. And this does go with the confidence thing. But, it is something that girls can do to get noticed. Look good, show off what you have. Not necessarily in a slutty manner, but just by making yourself look good, and know how to look good. That type of stuff is important to guys. We like how girls look, and if you want a guy to approach you, you’ll probably have to look good first. This doesn’t mean that you have to spend four hours in the bathroom everyday sculpting your hair and putting make up on, but you should know how to make yourself look good, and that will help you out.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, I think I’m repeating myself here. The point mostly is that confidence in whatever you do, works. Flirt however you want, but do it well and with confidence and you’ll have a better chance to get the guy. There isn’t any magic perfume to wear, or shoes to dance in. You have just like who and what you are and go out there and go after the guys you want just as much as they have to go after you. </p>Duncanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07067456460746238193noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-36530980222421268442008-05-15T22:20:00.000-04:002011-05-05T00:08:42.109-04:00to infinity... and beyond! by that i mean Dating A Good Friend.I say this from personal experience: Dating a close friend does not ruin the friendship. Of course, it definitely can in some cases, but I’ll get to that later. Naturally, if you become really close to a friend of the opposite sex, some <i>other</i> feelings of attraction might develop, in addition to usual friendly love. To this, I say go for it. Don’t shy away from it just because they are your friend. Good things can happen and you never know until you give it a shot.<br /><br />In a way I think people who date their best or close friends have different relationships than those who date people they instantly fall for. At the moment I can’t think of anyone I know personally who is/was in the latter relationship. Actually maybe a couple. But still. I conclude that most people date their friends, because obviously they know them better. People who date close friends tend to have a relationship that stems from the basis of that friendship and grows to the next level. It’s basically like hanging out with a friend but doing all those things couples do too. I don’t know. I just think that people with boyfriends or girlfriends who weren’t really friends before have a different balance of coupley stuff versus hanging out stuff.<br /><br />I’ll also say that because of the way high school dating works, people tend to be friends with others before they are their bf/gf. But once we’re beyond high school, we meet people randomly and go on a date and if we hit it off, then that’s great. But in that case, you start off with the goal of finding a relationship partner or whatever, you know what I mean?<br /><br />The problem with dating friends is the worry about whether the friendship will be ruined as a result of the relationship ending. Obviously high school relationships don’t last forever. It’s sad but it’s reality. I think that if you were friends before you started dating, you can remain friends afterwards. Of course, there is a period of awkwardness, but I can assure you, it will subside in time. And everything will be back to normal and in a little while you’ll be laughing about how you two dated way back when. The exception to this is if something bad happens that causes the end of the relationship. Something that totally kills every connection you ever had. Like, for example, infidelity or abuse or crazy personality transformations. Something like that would put into question the future of the friendship.<br /><br />If you and your best-friend-of-the-opposite-sex (or same sex if you prefer: we don’t discriminate) are into eachother, I say go for it. Neither of you wants anything bad to happen, and 9 times out of 10 nothing will. You also get to skip over (most of) the awkward stuff because you’ll already be way more comfortable hanging out with eachother than you would with anyone else. But there is definitely awkward stuff. Like you’ve been so used to just being friends, how do you go about acting like you’re dating? What makes it any different? Aside from making out in the hallways at school, which is a practice I do not condone anyway. Once you give it a shot, it’s up to you to decide whether you like life better as friends or as more then friends and do what you will from there. But you never know until you try. <br /><br />I don’t know if this answered the question (if there even was one), or any question for that matter.Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-27862497332242581622008-05-15T22:18:00.000-04:002011-05-05T00:08:42.109-04:00We are back, for real this time!<p class="MsoNormal">So, we’re finally actually back. This time with real posts, written by us. Yay!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, on to tonight’s topic: dating friends. April has kindly laid out some prompt questions for me to answer, because I like doing that, rather than just rambling, so, I’ll start answering.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Will it mess up the friendship? Well, I think that depends on what happens in the relationship. If you date and remain friends, but with physical attraction towards each other then I think that of course you can still be friends, at least during the tenure of your relationship. O course, if you break up in a way that is disagreeable to one, or both of you, then the likely hood that you will be friends after the fact grow less and less. This is not to say it can’t happen, but I think that it could cause a worse situation if you do break up. This would be based on the fact that if you had a lot of history together as friends and you had history together while in your relationship it is going to be worse if you break up badly. This is especially if the person that you begin dating is someone who is a best friend, someone you tell everything to already and you basically can’t live without. If that falls through if you break up (which it probably will at least for a little while) though, unless you have support in place of what your until recent boyfriend or girlfriend would have provided, you’re going to be in a much worse situation than you would if you still had your friend. So, there is the potential for a friendship to be messed up.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Is it different than dating non-friends? I think this is an interesting question, mostly because I don’t think I’d think about seriously dating someone, in the sense that I date it to mean (not just going on dates, but being a couple officially or whatever), unless I was friends with them. Now, dates can establish friendship and interest and that can grow into a relationship, but I think that you can’t totally discount friendship from a relationship. If you two can’t get along except when you’re making out with each other I don’t think it is really working to well. But, I’m sure some people see otherwise. I think though that dating a best-friend figure or a close friend is definitely different than dating someone who is only a sort of friend. I think that if you two are good friends already you’re going to be able to have a good time together almost no matter what, but otherwise you’re going to need to work at it more. So, I think that dating close friends can be helpful, it can be easier, but it can also of course cause problems as I just discussed in the last paragraph. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Now, April had some other prompts, but I basically answered them in the first paragraph, so, a final one.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you don’t date, will things be weird that way too? I think this is an excellent question. I think it depends on how you go about bringing up the subject to begin with between you two. I think that it is going to create some tension, some awkwardness no matter what you do, even if one party doesn’t know about the other liking them. But, I do think that things don’t necessarily have to be weird forever. The two people can stay friends, even if both are quite aware of the feelings that they either have, or had for each other. Obviously it also depends on the people, some people could totally freak out and it could cause a problem where the two people might not talk for a really long time, but for others it might just cause a more subtle tension and awkwardness, one where both of them know it is there, but it is harder to detect unless you know what is going on. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, even though I think most of what I just wrote seemed rather negative, I feel that dating between friends isn’t a bad thing. It can work out just fine, but sometimes it isn’t for the best. You just have to be aware of what is going on and how things are working out, because I think that it can get awkward very quickly, possibly more quickly that with someone you don’t really know, or aren’t really good friends with. </p>Duncanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07067456460746238193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-84342589220829245472008-05-11T21:46:00.002-04:002008-05-11T21:47:11.981-04:00We're Back. Sort ofSo, April and I aren't really back, but we do have a guest post for you to tide you over until we can blog. Which should be some time this week.<br /><br />Thanks for your patience, everyone.<br /><br />So, guest post, by an anonymous author.<br /><br />What should I do, what would you say?<br />I feel this more and more each day.<br />Feelings for a good friend of mine,<br />her own emotions, I cannot divine.<br />Should I be content with this?<br />Or risk all for a single, sweet kiss?<br />Is it worth it, honestly, dear?<br />A friendship for naught but a tear?<br />A mistake I made, many years ago.<br />I do not know. It tortures me so.Duncanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07067456460746238193noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-53168079628887882222008-04-27T19:46:00.002-04:002008-04-27T19:48:39.414-04:00Public Service Announcement.Duncan and I are juniors. It is almost May. Therefore, we are DYING. So, the blog will have to be put on hiatus until after AP week, Prom, SATs and SAT IIs, etc. We'll hopefully be back in two weeks.<br /><br />Guest posts are still welcome, if you are lucky and don't have a crapload of stuff to do in the coming month.<br /><br />Girls to: watermelon404@gmail.com<br />Guys to: dmaclaur@nycap.rr.comAprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-7278095490506275302008-04-24T22:37:00.001-04:002008-04-24T22:37:49.623-04:00I’m really pretty passionate about this topic: HONEST ≠ MEAN.It really pisses me off when people aren’t straightforward with things that need to be straightforward. If someone likes you and they make it clear, it’s up to you to let them know how you feel, straight up. If you like them at first and then change your mind, it is DEFINITELY your responsibility to let them know, straight up. Otherwise, you’re leading them on, or continuing on with something that isn’t true anymore.<br /><br />Of course, sometimes, the other person can detect your change of heart, but in my experience, they either a) don’t detect anything, b) are in denial about it, or c) misinterpret everything. So, my advice is to tell it like it is anyway. Just in case.<br /><br />I’ve always been a big proponent of this. If someone likes you, and you don’t like them TELL THEM. Do not make them think there is a possibility that you could like them, don’t make them think you like them, and god forbid, do not be crazy flirtacious with them. It’s <b>NOT MEAN</b> to tell them the truth. You’re not breaking their heart; you’re letting them down early and quick and easy. If you keep going, leading them on, it’s going to be harder to let them down and the effects will be much worse. THAT will break their heart.<br /><br />It just really annoys me when people say that they can’t let someone down because it would be too mean. It’s not mean. It’s honest and a helluva lot nicer than lying to them about how you feel. No one wants to be played.<br /><br />And there’s absolutely nothing wrong in doing what you want because you’ll be happier with it. If you want to go for some girl, but you’re kind of committed to another, choose one, and let the other know immediately. Don’t woo two girls at once. Don’t feel like a jerk for switching girls too quickly, but definitely consider yourself a jackass if you aren’t upfront about it as soon as you know what you want.<br /><br />Basically, don’t be afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s how this stuff works. And remember that being honest is not being mean. Being mean is lying to yourself and everyone else about everything.Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-19237250139389209052008-04-24T21:58:00.000-04:002008-04-24T21:59:41.705-04:00HONESTY: be honest, it's not mean.<p class="MsoNormal">So, today’s topic (yeah, I know it isn’t Sunday. April and I were bored, and felt that, you, the devoted reader deserved another blogging before Sunday) is all about honesty. I guess mostly in relationships, but in everything really. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, in my opinion, honesty is one of the most important virtues to have. Not skirting around difficult issues when they need to be addressed, not making up half-truths, and not lying in anyway. I try to hold myself up to my standard. I try not to put too much padding on what I say, and sometimes, a lot of times, it makes me come off as blunt, as callous, all those type of adjectives. But, I believe in the better interest of society, of people, of the world, my attempt to tell the truth in what I do is a good thing.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Right now, of course I’m talking very generally about the issue of lying. But, that is because, to relate lying to relationships I believe that it needs to be first supported outside of relationships. You can’t just be a truthful person to your significant other and then lie to all your friends about how much you and your partner had sex over the weekend. It doesn’t work like that. Well, actually, it sometimes does, but that’s beside the point. The point is that lying, in whatever shape or form, whether it is for ill or good, is not a good thing to do. Lying to protect someone isn’t helping them, it isn’t helping simplify the situation or dull the pain. It is only making the later revelation of the truth that much harsher. That of course assumes that the person who was lied to finds out the truth later, but even if this isn’t the case, the issue still stands as it isn’t just an issue of someone’s feelings being hurt more by lying to them, but as a moral issue that should be eliminated all together. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now, I’m not going to say that all lying is necessarily totally bad. Sometimes it has its merits, but, no matter the merits of the situation that lying is conveying, I don’t think it is the proper course of action. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">To reference the title of this post: Well, I don’t know if honesty is never mean, though that could depend on your definition of mean. It can easily be mean, calling someone fat (when they actually are), saying someone’s hair is a mess (when it really is). But, the way that honesty is delivered is one of the ways in which this gruffness can be combated. By calling an obese person fat you aren’t actually helping them by telling the truth. But, in theory, the truth can be helpful in that, in the example of the obese person, it can get them to realize that, yes, they are overweight and that they need to do something about it. And that can help the situation. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Of course, this doesn’t always happen, sometimes the truth is just something that is truthful, and not something that is necessary for personal improvement. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ok, I feel that I’m getting sort of really general here, let me try to figure out what I’m trying to say really…</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ok. So, I don’t know, a lot of that is just really repetitive. So, onto relationship honesty:</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In a relationship, one of the most important things that can happen is that the couple can share a bond of trust. This doesn’t mean that you need to tell each other every little detail of each other’s lives, but that you can trust the person to be there for you, to listen to you, to help you. This of course can develop in friendship as well. But the important thing about this trust is that it should be honest. It shouldn’t involve you always saying your significant other looks good in that pair of pants, when really, they don’t look good in them. Honesty should be paramount in that you can say anything and it can be accepted as truth. The other major point of relationships where honesty is important is in breaking up, as April and I dealt with on Sunday. But I’ll recap: when breaking up be honest about the reason why, don’t give lame excuses and reason you two can’t be together anymore. It’s never appreciated and doesn’t come off as sincere or truthful at all. So, just tell the truth.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Alright, to finish I’m going to talk about my biggest paradox in my advocacy of honesty: I’m both really sarcastic and I tell a lot of jokes. Now, a lot of the time, sarcasm and jokes deal with untrue subject matter and those make up my biggest paradox in terms of honesty. I am willing to tell almost anyone I know almost anything if they ask it of me, but I well berate, insult, belittle and be sarcastic to almost anyone as well. And most of the time, the things I say are not true, I don’t mean what I say, but, is that really an excuse for what I do? Eh, not really. But that is a discussion for another time really. </p>Duncanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07067456460746238193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-28008819784810358152008-04-20T21:51:00.000-04:002011-05-05T00:09:05.187-04:00Dumping...dun, dun, dunnnn. (bring on the waterworks! lots of ice cream too!)This topic came up a couple weeks ago at school, because apparently it was a health class assignment to write about how you’d want to be dumped or something? I personally have never been officially dumped, but I’ve never really been in much of a relationship before either. I do, however, know how I’d want to be dumped and how I would dump someone else.<br /><br />Unless you’re in a messed up relationship, I would expect you can tell when a breakup is about to happen. Maybe things aren’t going well, or you never really talk or the fabulosity that your relationship once was isn’t there anymore. If that was the case, I’d say it’d be a “mutual breakup.” Some dispute that such a thing actually exists, but I believe it’s 100% possible. This would be my ideal breakup: sitting down and talking, and coming to the conclusion that you’re just not right for eachother. Sure it will be hard and there will be tears but it’s all on good terms.<br /><br />But ideal breakups don’t always happen. In our imperfect world, things happen. Like, maybe you and your sig. other get into a huge fight, and one person screams “IT’S OVER!!” (like they do in movies) and you cry and wallow in anger and self-pity. Once you get over the initial shock, closure is totally necessary. You have to decide to move on without the anger emotion clouding your thoughts.<br /><br />If your sig. other cheats on you, I guess it’s up to you to decide on giving second chances or not. On principle, I would say no way in hell do they deserve a second chance, but at the same time, I would totally probably give one anyway. It’s probably bad. But what can I say?<br /><br />Anyway. I would prefer to be dumped in person. I would also prefer to dump someone else in person. It’s just so much more real, not to mention respectful. Over the phone is the tiniest step down from in person, so if you’re going to do that, why not just take the extra ounce of effort and meet them face to face? The worst ways to dump are facebook, email and texting. Texting is just a huge slap in the face. Like could you please care enough to at least dump me in person? And facebook. If you want your breakup all over the internet, be my guest and let everyone see the comment that ends your relationship. My problem with email is that the time you send the email and the time it’s received do not coincide at all. So when you’re done with the relationship, they don’t know it yet, and that’s just weird. Finally, there’s AIM. I know it’s not the best way, but sometimes it’s the only way. Maybe it’s impersonal, but it’s a way to get all your thoughts and feelings out at once, with an immediate response. In person, you can’t say everything at once. Emotions and the person’s response could totally inhibit that.<br /><br />When I was talking about this a couple weeks ago, I was asked what I would actually say. It all depends on how the person reacts. But I’d start with, “I think we should break up.” Simple as that. But then, one of the guys I was talking to said that saying “I think” would be unfair, because they could say “I think we should stay together” and they couldn’t really have their wish. If I were to break up with someone, there is no way that I would let myself be convinced to change my mind. I would go in with the intention of breaking up and come out of it newly single, without a doubt. I also don’t think I could ever break up impulsively; I don’t trust myself enough to do that. I’d be afraid of regretting my decision later.<br /><br />If I were to be dumped, I’d want the reason to be sincere and a good one. I’d want the person to be sensitive and caring about it. But then again, if the reason was jerky and stupid, I’d have a better reason to hate the guy. But in all honesty, I wouldn’t want to hate the guy. Which brings me to my next and final topic....<br /><br />Staying friends after the breakup. It’s possible, it really is. But I think it’s more likely if the two of you were friends before the relationship. If you guys met and immediately started dating, it’d be harder to be friends afterwards since you were never friend before. I hate the idea that a relationship, something that is good, can potentially end something like a friendship. Of course, it takes time after a breakup to be friends again, but if you let the hard feelings and awkwardness subside, it can happen.<br /><br />So I lied. I just thought of one more little thing. Never regret a relationship you were in. For that matter, never regret anything. But seriously, if you had never been in that relationship, no matter how good or bad it was, you wouldn’t be the same person you are after the fact. Just sayin’.Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13075982153498392842noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139464641619692670.post-79845490945923393062008-04-20T21:44:00.000-04:002011-05-05T00:09:05.188-04:00What happens when you get dumped!? Oh no!<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><span style="">How to dump someone. If you were being dumped, what kinds of things would piss you off, what kinds of things would you prefer (AIM vs in person vs phone, etc), is it possible to still be friends, where would you do it? At their house or on a date?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, we’re back, finally. This weekly blogging thing is much easier. But now we basically never update. Anyway, back to the updating.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, that’s the topic up there at the top, it’s a good question, and one which I’m sure many people have asked themselves. So, I guess I’ll just answer the questions that are posed in the topic:</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, what things would I prefer and what don’t I like about getting dumped? Well, if you’re going to dump someone the best way to do it, in my mind is in person, in a neutral place that doesn’t make the situation awkward. Like, you can’t do it in a place that neither of you can leave; therefore, no dumping your significant other on a boat. You get the idea. If both of you have ways of leaving with little attention brought to the fact that you’re leaving then that is best possible situation, at least in my mind. This is of course only really important for breaking up when you either want to remain friends (which I’ll talk about later) or you just don’t want to make a scene. So, like the topic says, you don’t want to have to break up with someone at their house, it puts one person on the defensive anyway, because they don’t live there, and if they are the one being broken up with then they have to leave their now exes house. And that’s just awkward. The only time it might be acceptable to break up with someone at their house is if the person doing the breaking up is leaving and breaks up with the person who lives in the house. That way there is already a leaving motion and it can be continued and not awkward, or at least not as bad. But really, anything that involves the two of you alone, like a date or at a house is a bad idea. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">That doesn’t mean though that breaking up should be public, but you shouldn’t be so alone that you both can’t run off to your respective friends, or at least other people. So, you can’t break up while you’re on a date, or really right after one, unless it went badly, then it can happen. But if you break up after a date that seems to go well the dumpee is going to feel really bad. Basically you don’t want to give false hope when you’re on the verge of breaking up. In theory, perfectly, both parties should know it is coming and understand where it is coming from. This of course doesn’t always happen. This is why when you are dumping someone, or even if you are being dumped, you want to talk about it with the other person. Don’t just let it happen and then later wonder what was wrong. If you don’t know, ask about it. Because if you understand what was wrong you can either fix it for yourself and future relationships, or just know and not have to wonder about it forever. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, I basically covered how to break up, whether in person or on the phone or online. The best way is definitely in person. Though, that can depend on how the person is going to react of course. A phone could be easier just because it can provide more distance. But, I think that generally breaking up should be done in person, face to face, so that you can actually talk about what happened or whatever. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, finally, is it possible to still be friends. Well, I’d say it is. I’m best friends with one girl who broke up with me and good friends with another. Of course, I’ve also dated one person three times and so we broke up, and then got back together about a year later, and then the same thing happened again. But, we remained friends through all of that so I don’t think you can say it can’t be done. But, depending on the relationship itself, as well as the previous connection before the relationship started it could affect how well exes can still be friends. If the relationship was something that involved a lot of friends like activity, then eventually I think that the couple can be friends. Not immediately of course. You do need some time apart just to not make it really weird. But, you can go about your normal business pretty easily and still be friends with the person after a break up in that case. But, if the relationship was mostly based on relationship type things, going on dating and being all lovey and stuff, then it’s much harder to be friends. So, basically, if you’re friends with your significant other outside of dating them, then yeah, you’ll probably be able to still be friends, otherwise it’s a lot harder. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, I think that’s enough about that. I need to go to sleep, I have work in the morning. </p>Duncanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07067456460746238193noreply@blogger.com3