to infinity... and beyond! by that i mean Dating A Good Friend.

I say this from personal experience: Dating a close friend does not ruin the friendship. Of course, it definitely can in some cases, but I’ll get to that later. Naturally, if you become really close to a friend of the opposite sex, some other feelings of attraction might develop, in addition to usual friendly love. To this, I say go for it. Don’t shy away from it just because they are your friend. Good things can happen and you never know until you give it a shot.

In a way I think people who date their best or close friends have different relationships than those who date people they instantly fall for. At the moment I can’t think of anyone I know personally who is/was in the latter relationship. Actually maybe a couple. But still. I conclude that most people date their friends, because obviously they know them better. People who date close friends tend to have a relationship that stems from the basis of that friendship and grows to the next level. It’s basically like hanging out with a friend but doing all those things couples do too. I don’t know. I just think that people with boyfriends or girlfriends who weren’t really friends before have a different balance of coupley stuff versus hanging out stuff.

I’ll also say that because of the way high school dating works, people tend to be friends with others before they are their bf/gf. But once we’re beyond high school, we meet people randomly and go on a date and if we hit it off, then that’s great. But in that case, you start off with the goal of finding a relationship partner or whatever, you know what I mean?

The problem with dating friends is the worry about whether the friendship will be ruined as a result of the relationship ending. Obviously high school relationships don’t last forever. It’s sad but it’s reality. I think that if you were friends before you started dating, you can remain friends afterwards. Of course, there is a period of awkwardness, but I can assure you, it will subside in time. And everything will be back to normal and in a little while you’ll be laughing about how you two dated way back when. The exception to this is if something bad happens that causes the end of the relationship. Something that totally kills every connection you ever had. Like, for example, infidelity or abuse or crazy personality transformations. Something like that would put into question the future of the friendship.

If you and your best-friend-of-the-opposite-sex (or same sex if you prefer: we don’t discriminate) are into eachother, I say go for it. Neither of you wants anything bad to happen, and 9 times out of 10 nothing will. You also get to skip over (most of) the awkward stuff because you’ll already be way more comfortable hanging out with eachother than you would with anyone else. But there is definitely awkward stuff. Like you’ve been so used to just being friends, how do you go about acting like you’re dating? What makes it any different? Aside from making out in the hallways at school, which is a practice I do not condone anyway. Once you give it a shot, it’s up to you to decide whether you like life better as friends or as more then friends and do what you will from there. But you never know until you try.

I don’t know if this answered the question (if there even was one), or any question for that matter.

We are back, for real this time!

So, we’re finally actually back. This time with real posts, written by us. Yay!

So, on to tonight’s topic: dating friends. April has kindly laid out some prompt questions for me to answer, because I like doing that, rather than just rambling, so, I’ll start answering.

Will it mess up the friendship? Well, I think that depends on what happens in the relationship. If you date and remain friends, but with physical attraction towards each other then I think that of course you can still be friends, at least during the tenure of your relationship. O course, if you break up in a way that is disagreeable to one, or both of you, then the likely hood that you will be friends after the fact grow less and less. This is not to say it can’t happen, but I think that it could cause a worse situation if you do break up. This would be based on the fact that if you had a lot of history together as friends and you had history together while in your relationship it is going to be worse if you break up badly. This is especially if the person that you begin dating is someone who is a best friend, someone you tell everything to already and you basically can’t live without. If that falls through if you break up (which it probably will at least for a little while) though, unless you have support in place of what your until recent boyfriend or girlfriend would have provided, you’re going to be in a much worse situation than you would if you still had your friend. So, there is the potential for a friendship to be messed up.

Is it different than dating non-friends? I think this is an interesting question, mostly because I don’t think I’d think about seriously dating someone, in the sense that I date it to mean (not just going on dates, but being a couple officially or whatever), unless I was friends with them. Now, dates can establish friendship and interest and that can grow into a relationship, but I think that you can’t totally discount friendship from a relationship. If you two can’t get along except when you’re making out with each other I don’t think it is really working to well. But, I’m sure some people see otherwise. I think though that dating a best-friend figure or a close friend is definitely different than dating someone who is only a sort of friend. I think that if you two are good friends already you’re going to be able to have a good time together almost no matter what, but otherwise you’re going to need to work at it more. So, I think that dating close friends can be helpful, it can be easier, but it can also of course cause problems as I just discussed in the last paragraph.

Now, April had some other prompts, but I basically answered them in the first paragraph, so, a final one.

If you don’t date, will things be weird that way too? I think this is an excellent question. I think it depends on how you go about bringing up the subject to begin with between you two. I think that it is going to create some tension, some awkwardness no matter what you do, even if one party doesn’t know about the other liking them. But, I do think that things don’t necessarily have to be weird forever. The two people can stay friends, even if both are quite aware of the feelings that they either have, or had for each other. Obviously it also depends on the people, some people could totally freak out and it could cause a problem where the two people might not talk for a really long time, but for others it might just cause a more subtle tension and awkwardness, one where both of them know it is there, but it is harder to detect unless you know what is going on.

So, even though I think most of what I just wrote seemed rather negative, I feel that dating between friends isn’t a bad thing. It can work out just fine, but sometimes it isn’t for the best. You just have to be aware of what is going on and how things are working out, because I think that it can get awkward very quickly, possibly more quickly that with someone you don’t really know, or aren’t really good friends with.

We're Back. Sort of

So, April and I aren't really back, but we do have a guest post for you to tide you over until we can blog. Which should be some time this week.

Thanks for your patience, everyone.

So, guest post, by an anonymous author.

What should I do, what would you say?
I feel this more and more each day.
Feelings for a good friend of mine,
her own emotions, I cannot divine.
Should I be content with this?
Or risk all for a single, sweet kiss?
Is it worth it, honestly, dear?
A friendship for naught but a tear?
A mistake I made, many years ago.
I do not know. It tortures me so.