High School relationships & college
College is a time in which one can truly experience a variety of things. As such it should be a time in which you enjoy yourself as you will be finding something that greatly interests you. Be it 1200’s history, PN junction transistor construction, the art of smoking weed, etc you are bound to find something that catches your attention. Furthermore, you start from a clean slate (socially speaking). You may have been the biggest manwhore or the biggest gossip girl in high school but no one will know about that in college. What’s not to look forward to?
Well depending on how you address the situation, there is one thing people in relationships probably don’t want to look forward to - College. College = either long distance relationships which will probably falter or the end of your current relationship. …Well that just sucks! No matter how you look at it, your choices are dismal. But in order to maintain some optimism in this article, we’ll start with the “good” outlook
Situation 1 – your girlfriend and you decide to break up so that you can experience college without any strings attached. Who knows perhaps if you are lucky you’ll meet in four years and hopefully she’ll still recognize you. “Perhaps she’ll realize that she liked you so much that she went into a nunnery [or became a lesbian]” as another blogger once wrote so eloquently.
Oh I’m sorry, that wasn’t too optimistic…let me try again
Situation 2 – You maintain a long distance relationship. The strength of your relationship, although tested by great distances and sexy men or women hitting upon you has not faltered. You end up getting married at the end of college.
There! That’s more optimistic. Ah now I feel all full of bubbling hope. Like a child who just got an A for his report card. Perhaps mom won’t beat me now – well unfortunately that’s unrealistic just like situation 2. The chances of you finding your true love in high school are very very low. You have a better chance of being hit by lightening twice in two different places, surviving that ordeal, bringing peace to the Middle East, and then winning the lottery on the same day. Sorry for bursting that bubble but it was necessary. However, that is not to say that there are couples who do find true love in high school and live happily ever after, wifebeatings and divorces galore.
But honestly, let’s be realistic. Long distance relationships probably won’t work. Even though you may remain in contact with each other by letters or “Shared online activities (e.g., online games such as chess, role play games such as Ragnarok and World of Warcraft)” as wikipedia brilliantly puts it (how many girls do you know play WoW?) nothing will ever replace the needed physical human interaction – seeing your partner, talking with your partner in person, etc. And with this physical aspect of the relationship missing, cracks are likely to form within your relationship – cracks that may cause the once firm house of relationships to crumble to the ground.
If we backtrack a little, it would seem situation 1 is the better situation. As much as I really deplore it, its one of those instances that, as my sister said “you simply met too early”. It’s sad, but perhaps after the entire college ordeal you two will get back together. Who knows? Maybe you will appreciate that person even more. It’s happened before. It may be hard to let go now but it may be the lesser of two evils in the end.
In all seriousness (no more sarcasm) going to college is going to hurt both of you in the relationship if you don’t prepare for it. Talk with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you decide to break up after high school, cherish the time that you have left. Now one might be asking “well what’s the point if you have already decided to breakup?” I honestly don’t have any smartass answer for that one. But look at your relationship. Why did you get together? Do you truly love each other? What would you do if the other died / was in danger and you could prevent it / cheated / was in pain? These are only questions that you and your partner can answer.
Now you should watch something happy after reading this depressing article – idk maybe Sex and the City or legally blond.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Dating: A term, or a real thing?
So, we haven’t blogged in a while. Man, I don’t know if I know how to do this anymore. Maybe it’s like riding a bike. Anyway, the topic of today’s discussion is if dating is a reality or just a label?
Is the term dating needed to imply some sort of deeper connection between two people, or is the term something that isn’t needed for a relationship?
Of course, dating (in the broad sense of the term) is just something you do with people who you aren’t necessarily dating (in the narrower, modern teenage sense of the word) but want to go somewhere with. To be dating someone implies that you go on dates with this person frequently. Therefore, the idea that going on a date with someone else multiple times means you two date; making dating a reality. But, what about two people, who, for whatever reason, don’t go on dates, but have feelings for each other and are in all other senses of the word in a relationship? If you two don’t do things together as a couple, can you truly be determined to be a couple?
I think that the act of dating, while sometimes vitally important to both building and maintaining a relationship, is not necessarily the keystone in the arch which is the relationship. In other words it isn’t needed for the two people to be going on dates with each other to be in a relationship where they can be labeled boyfriend and girlfriend.
So, while dating is mostly a reality, and most couples I think do go on dates together, and are therefore dating, it isn’t necessary and comes down in the end to mostly a label and not a reality where it determines the nature of the relationship.
Is the term dating needed to imply some sort of deeper connection between two people, or is the term something that isn’t needed for a relationship?
Of course, dating (in the broad sense of the term) is just something you do with people who you aren’t necessarily dating (in the narrower, modern teenage sense of the word) but want to go somewhere with. To be dating someone implies that you go on dates with this person frequently. Therefore, the idea that going on a date with someone else multiple times means you two date; making dating a reality. But, what about two people, who, for whatever reason, don’t go on dates, but have feelings for each other and are in all other senses of the word in a relationship? If you two don’t do things together as a couple, can you truly be determined to be a couple?
I think that the act of dating, while sometimes vitally important to both building and maintaining a relationship, is not necessarily the keystone in the arch which is the relationship. In other words it isn’t needed for the two people to be going on dates with each other to be in a relationship where they can be labeled boyfriend and girlfriend.
So, while dating is mostly a reality, and most couples I think do go on dates together, and are therefore dating, it isn’t necessary and comes down in the end to mostly a label and not a reality where it determines the nature of the relationship.
What's all the hype about dating?
The term "dating" isn't as big of a deal as it seems. It doesn't mean anything. I mean, it's used with a couple becomes official or whatever, but can't you be "official" without "dating"? And vice versa? I mean, I'm sure there are people who aren't "official" who are much closer than people who are "dating." Actually, I know for a fact there are.
What makes someone more of a boyfriend than a close friend? I've recently become obsessed with Sex and the City and in one episode (I believe it's #306, "Are We Sluts?"), Carrie Bradshaw and her almost-boyfriend Aiden are chilling at her house. And in one minute, he kisses her. She thinks to herself, "boyfriend." In the next minute, he's commenting on how hot Halle Berry is. Carrie thinks, "friend." And two seconds later, he tells her that she's more beautiful and hot than Halle Berry. Carrie thinks, "boyfriend." And so on. And he doesn't sleep with her. So she is very confused.
Now. Here's what I thought the entire time I was watching this. Just because a guy thinks someone else (a celebrity for that matter) is really hot, and has the nerve (courage? audacity? none of the above?) to say it in front of a girl, does that mean he isn't interested in her? And just because a guy playfully teases a girl and acts goofy and makes fun of her, does that mean he just wants to be her friend? I'm gonna go with no and no. That just doesn't make sense. What kind of boyfriend doesn't make fun of his girlfriend at all? Would you not shoot yourself if all your boyfriend did was send you flowers and cook for you and tell you you're amazing? Okay, actually, that would be awesome. But the relationship dynamic there would be so weird. What kind of couple would you be if you couldn't have some fun by making fun of eachother?
So, once you're dating, does it mean that the guy has to buy you dinner and call you every night and whatever?
Seriously, I have trouble defining what is the difference between just friends, friends with benefits, and boyfriend&girlfriend. Actually, what I really don't get is friends with benefits...but we'll save that for another day.
But what makes dating so different than the step before that? If you slap on the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," does that change anything except the way other people define you? Is the relationship any different? It's just a label. You don't transport into a new stage just because you called a guy your boyfriend. I mean, sure it's meaningful and important, but it's not any different.
It's one thing if you can't kiss and hold hands before you're "official." But who does that? It's like waiting for marriage before you have sex. A lot of people wait, but a lot of people don't. In a way, marriage isn't that different than engagement, which isn't that different from a long term relationship, especially if you live together, or in some cases, ahve a kid. There aren't clear cut stages anymore. You're allowed to do whatever you want. Aside from the legal stuff, marriage is a label too. And dating is even more so because it doesn't begin with a big ceremony and multiple parties.
Sorry to bring marriage into this blog....I've been watching too much Sex and the City.
What makes someone more of a boyfriend than a close friend? I've recently become obsessed with Sex and the City and in one episode (I believe it's #306, "Are We Sluts?"), Carrie Bradshaw and her almost-boyfriend Aiden are chilling at her house. And in one minute, he kisses her. She thinks to herself, "boyfriend." In the next minute, he's commenting on how hot Halle Berry is. Carrie thinks, "friend." And two seconds later, he tells her that she's more beautiful and hot than Halle Berry. Carrie thinks, "boyfriend." And so on. And he doesn't sleep with her. So she is very confused.
Now. Here's what I thought the entire time I was watching this. Just because a guy thinks someone else (a celebrity for that matter) is really hot, and has the nerve (courage? audacity? none of the above?) to say it in front of a girl, does that mean he isn't interested in her? And just because a guy playfully teases a girl and acts goofy and makes fun of her, does that mean he just wants to be her friend? I'm gonna go with no and no. That just doesn't make sense. What kind of boyfriend doesn't make fun of his girlfriend at all? Would you not shoot yourself if all your boyfriend did was send you flowers and cook for you and tell you you're amazing? Okay, actually, that would be awesome. But the relationship dynamic there would be so weird. What kind of couple would you be if you couldn't have some fun by making fun of eachother?
So, once you're dating, does it mean that the guy has to buy you dinner and call you every night and whatever?
Seriously, I have trouble defining what is the difference between just friends, friends with benefits, and boyfriend&girlfriend. Actually, what I really don't get is friends with benefits...but we'll save that for another day.
But what makes dating so different than the step before that? If you slap on the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," does that change anything except the way other people define you? Is the relationship any different? It's just a label. You don't transport into a new stage just because you called a guy your boyfriend. I mean, sure it's meaningful and important, but it's not any different.
It's one thing if you can't kiss and hold hands before you're "official." But who does that? It's like waiting for marriage before you have sex. A lot of people wait, but a lot of people don't. In a way, marriage isn't that different than engagement, which isn't that different from a long term relationship, especially if you live together, or in some cases, ahve a kid. There aren't clear cut stages anymore. You're allowed to do whatever you want. Aside from the legal stuff, marriage is a label too. And dating is even more so because it doesn't begin with a big ceremony and multiple parties.
Sorry to bring marriage into this blog....I've been watching too much Sex and the City.
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