The term "dating" isn't as big of a deal as it seems. It doesn't mean anything. I mean, it's used with a couple becomes official or whatever, but can't you be "official" without "dating"? And vice versa? I mean, I'm sure there are people who aren't "official" who are much closer than people who are "dating." Actually, I know for a fact there are.
What makes someone more of a boyfriend than a close friend? I've recently become obsessed with Sex and the City and in one episode (I believe it's #306, "Are We Sluts?"), Carrie Bradshaw and her almost-boyfriend Aiden are chilling at her house. And in one minute, he kisses her. She thinks to herself, "boyfriend." In the next minute, he's commenting on how hot Halle Berry is. Carrie thinks, "friend." And two seconds later, he tells her that she's more beautiful and hot than Halle Berry. Carrie thinks, "boyfriend." And so on. And he doesn't sleep with her. So she is very confused.
Now. Here's what I thought the entire time I was watching this. Just because a guy thinks someone else (a celebrity for that matter) is really hot, and has the nerve (courage? audacity? none of the above?) to say it in front of a girl, does that mean he isn't interested in her? And just because a guy playfully teases a girl and acts goofy and makes fun of her, does that mean he just wants to be her friend? I'm gonna go with no and no. That just doesn't make sense. What kind of boyfriend doesn't make fun of his girlfriend at all? Would you not shoot yourself if all your boyfriend did was send you flowers and cook for you and tell you you're amazing? Okay, actually, that would be awesome. But the relationship dynamic there would be so weird. What kind of couple would you be if you couldn't have some fun by making fun of eachother?
So, once you're dating, does it mean that the guy has to buy you dinner and call you every night and whatever?
Seriously, I have trouble defining what is the difference between just friends, friends with benefits, and boyfriend&girlfriend. Actually, what I really don't get is friends with benefits...but we'll save that for another day.
But what makes dating so different than the step before that? If you slap on the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," does that change anything except the way other people define you? Is the relationship any different? It's just a label. You don't transport into a new stage just because you called a guy your boyfriend. I mean, sure it's meaningful and important, but it's not any different.
It's one thing if you can't kiss and hold hands before you're "official." But who does that? It's like waiting for marriage before you have sex. A lot of people wait, but a lot of people don't. In a way, marriage isn't that different than engagement, which isn't that different from a long term relationship, especially if you live together, or in some cases, ahve a kid. There aren't clear cut stages anymore. You're allowed to do whatever you want. Aside from the legal stuff, marriage is a label too. And dating is even more so because it doesn't begin with a big ceremony and multiple parties.
Sorry to bring marriage into this blog....I've been watching too much Sex and the City.
4 comments:
- ok that was weird...I didn't remove my post but whatever.
Anyways, as I was saying, I agree with you on how you can be dating but not official. Dating seems to have this very casual notion about it now a days. Maybe I feel this way because of all those "calling" infomercials where you can call "hot sexy girls" that are "ready to chat with you".
There isn't any chemistry there; its simply for good feelings / phone sex (which I have no idea how thats hot - yea push my keypad).
dating, in my humble opinion, is interacting with someone on some level greater than that of basic social interaction.
Boyfriend / girlfriend is when you actually have some interest in the other person and plan on staying around for reasons other than sex.
Friends with benefits are like dating people who have come to know each other and have agreed to just have sex but not be attached emotionally.
But on the other hand, as you said, "If you slap on the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," does that change anything except the way other people define you?". No it doesn't. Since each person has their own interpretation of said definitions, it doesn't really seem to matter. All that matters is the interaction between the two people in a relationship.
I realize I didn't define what I mean by dating. I know that when people date, they're not really in a relationship yet. But what I mean by "dating" is like, "they're going out" as in, "they're boyfriend and girlfriend." Just because in high school, it's kind of how it works.
For me : one of the great romantic date ideas is to spend it out with nature. Go on a picnic trip in a secluded area with a great view. Or a candle lit dinner in your own backyard, patio or terrace. Use the stars as your backdrop and the candles to create intimacy.
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