CD on Interracial/Interfaith Dating

Meet CD (Casual Dater) here.

Heya there readers,

If you remember from my intro, I'm a practicing Jew.  I do take my faith very seriously.  That said, when it comes to interfaith dating, I'm all for it.

Now if that happens to be surprising to you, let me explain.

This hearkens back to my general philosophy as outlined in my intro: dating is not marriage nor does it even indicate compatibility in any sort of romantic relationship.

In the early dating stages, it really shouldn't make a difference what faith a person practices (or doesn't practice) just like any other differences in opinion should not make a huge difference.  We shut ourselves off to potentially wonderful people just because of a relatively arbitrary initial distinction.

Then again, I can't, at this point, picture myself marrying a non-Jewish man.  Does that mean that I'll limit my dating options to only Jewish men just because I hold that principle?  No.  Perhaps I'll find that with the right person, his Judaism becomes less relevant.

So why limit ourselves?  It simply does not make sense to go on a date with the same expectations you have for a life partner.  Try it out!  You might surprise yourself.

Coincidentally, most of the people I've had serious crushes on in recent memory were not Jewish, but all of the people I've "dated" were.  For me, it's not even a serious consideration anymore and won't be until I'm ready to commit for the longer term.

That's just how I roll.

Peace out,

CD

CD (Casual Dater) is female, straight and 20 years old.


Note from the Editor: If you have things to say about this topic, write up a post! To keep your contributions completely anonymous, log in to our PDO Writer gmail account:
username: pdo.writer
password: diametric
So submit! (especially if you're a guy or in an interracial relationship)

Taking a Break on Interracial/Interfaith Dating

Meet Taking a Break (TaB) here.

So far in life, it seems that I have been plagued with only liking boys I can’t have.  I mean, it is hard enough to find a guy in general, but adding on the religious constraints my parents add makes things quite difficult. They have told me, since I was little, that they will not attend my wedding if I marry outside of my religion.  Now, that sounds downright evil, you may be thinking, and quite a few friends have said to me that this sounds racist. I love and respect my parents, and I want their support at my wedding, even if they are being rather harsh.

Disregarding these rules, I dated out of our religion. I felt that I was probably not going to marry my first boyfriend, so it would be no big deal. I couldn’t have been more wrong. My mother was ashamed of my relationship, and she made sure her mother didn’t find out, because my grandmother would most certainly have complained about it as she had done when my cousin dated outside of our religion. Additionally, his parents didn’t want him dating me either, based on racial grounds. The relationship lasted longer than I had initially expected, but as we grew closer, our parents’ desires and no possibility of a real future kept pulling us apart. And when it ended, unfortunately, this whole race/religion/parents thing was a big factor.

One thing that this relationship taught me, however, is that I would prefer to marry someone within my religion. The culture, the traditions, the holidays, are all very important to my identity, and although I could love someone who does not have those as part of their life, I’d prefer finding someone who I could share them with. If I want to raise a family someday within my religion, I’ll need a partner with at least some of the cultural values that I have been brought up with.

Although, in the end, I came to the same conclusion as my parents, I don’t think they went about it the right way. Threatening your child in that way makes staying within your religion or race seem like a punishment or a constraint, but in reality, I would have come to the same decision on my own eventually. If culture and religion are important to you, as it is to me, it will be your own factor in finding a mate. And if religion and race is not important to you as you find a partner that is perfectly alright. An individual will try and make the decision that is right for them and their situation. Parents can give advice and support, but ultimately it is the child’s choice, and they should be able to accept that.

Taking a Break (TaB) is nineteen, female and single.


PS (note from the editor): New comment form so you can respond to individual comments!

April on Interracial Dating

If you're new to the blog, I'm April. Nice to meet you. I'm one of the creators of this blog, and I'm super excited to start it up again with fresh writers and new topics :) Feel free to go back and read our archived posts to see what we're all about.

Quick intro:
First, read this. And since this post is about race and religion: I'm Chinese, but my parents are not your typical strict-about-dating-and-boys Asian parents. I'm very nonreligious - I was raised without any sort of religious background, and I still don't completely understand it. So...there you go - everything you didn't need to know about me and more.

On being Asian:
As an ABC (American Born Chinese), I'm pretty white for an Asian. I may like school and math in particular, but I don't speak Chinese, I don't eat the food that much, and truthfully I don't know what "real" Asians do, so I can't even complete this list of things that I don't do.

I have always known that I will never marry an Asian guy. (When I say Asian, I'm including oriental Asians only - Indians are fair game.) I'd probably date a couple in the next ten years or so, but not seriously. This may be because I think half-Asians are the best thing ever, and obviously, me reproducing with another Asian would result in full-Asian babies. But really I'm just not attracted to them. I like all other kinds of guys - white, Jewish, Black, Indian, Hispanic, you name it.

[Let me just add half-Asians to that list. Like I said, I think they are the best thing ever. I guess this can be explained: There are Asian qualities that I like, most certainly, but there are those that I apparently do not like. The half-non-Asian part of half-Asians takes those qualities away, I suppose. Not sure.]

On interracial and interfaith dating:
While I've only dated white guys in the past, I have liked guys (or should we call them men?) of all colors and religions. Being the yellow-on-the-outside-white-on-the-inside Asian that I am, it's really not a big deal. My parents are not limiting me to only Chinese dudes (thank god) and they really couldn't care less about who I date. In terms of affluence, Asians and whites are typically on fairly equal ground, so socio-economically, there's no difference. There's no Pretty In Pink storyline anywhere. That would be a great topic for another day.

I don't think I could ever date someone who was religious, because that would be a huge part of him that I just wouldn't be able to understand.

Conclusion:
This post can be summed up like so:

• I'm Asian, but I don't like Asians. (unless they're half-Asian)
• My parents do not restrict who I can and can't date; for this, I am very thankful.
• I cannot imagine what my life would be like if they did restrict my love life (see bullet 1).
• If only because religion is a pretty big part of people's lives, I could not date someone who was very religious because I wouldn't be able to share in that big part of their life.
• I believe our other contributors can offer much better insight on this topic.

Thanks very much to Tanya and Maddy for this fabulous topic suggestion!

April is female, straight and 19 years old.