Taking a Break on Interracial/Interfaith Dating

Meet Taking a Break (TaB) here.

So far in life, it seems that I have been plagued with only liking boys I can’t have.  I mean, it is hard enough to find a guy in general, but adding on the religious constraints my parents add makes things quite difficult. They have told me, since I was little, that they will not attend my wedding if I marry outside of my religion.  Now, that sounds downright evil, you may be thinking, and quite a few friends have said to me that this sounds racist. I love and respect my parents, and I want their support at my wedding, even if they are being rather harsh.

Disregarding these rules, I dated out of our religion. I felt that I was probably not going to marry my first boyfriend, so it would be no big deal. I couldn’t have been more wrong. My mother was ashamed of my relationship, and she made sure her mother didn’t find out, because my grandmother would most certainly have complained about it as she had done when my cousin dated outside of our religion. Additionally, his parents didn’t want him dating me either, based on racial grounds. The relationship lasted longer than I had initially expected, but as we grew closer, our parents’ desires and no possibility of a real future kept pulling us apart. And when it ended, unfortunately, this whole race/religion/parents thing was a big factor.

One thing that this relationship taught me, however, is that I would prefer to marry someone within my religion. The culture, the traditions, the holidays, are all very important to my identity, and although I could love someone who does not have those as part of their life, I’d prefer finding someone who I could share them with. If I want to raise a family someday within my religion, I’ll need a partner with at least some of the cultural values that I have been brought up with.

Although, in the end, I came to the same conclusion as my parents, I don’t think they went about it the right way. Threatening your child in that way makes staying within your religion or race seem like a punishment or a constraint, but in reality, I would have come to the same decision on my own eventually. If culture and religion are important to you, as it is to me, it will be your own factor in finding a mate. And if religion and race is not important to you as you find a partner that is perfectly alright. An individual will try and make the decision that is right for them and their situation. Parents can give advice and support, but ultimately it is the child’s choice, and they should be able to accept that.

Taking a Break (TaB) is nineteen, female and single.


PS (note from the editor): New comment form so you can respond to individual comments!