April on Interracial Dating

If you're new to the blog, I'm April. Nice to meet you. I'm one of the creators of this blog, and I'm super excited to start it up again with fresh writers and new topics :) Feel free to go back and read our archived posts to see what we're all about.

Quick intro:
First, read this. And since this post is about race and religion: I'm Chinese, but my parents are not your typical strict-about-dating-and-boys Asian parents. I'm very nonreligious - I was raised without any sort of religious background, and I still don't completely understand it. So...there you go - everything you didn't need to know about me and more.

On being Asian:
As an ABC (American Born Chinese), I'm pretty white for an Asian. I may like school and math in particular, but I don't speak Chinese, I don't eat the food that much, and truthfully I don't know what "real" Asians do, so I can't even complete this list of things that I don't do.

I have always known that I will never marry an Asian guy. (When I say Asian, I'm including oriental Asians only - Indians are fair game.) I'd probably date a couple in the next ten years or so, but not seriously. This may be because I think half-Asians are the best thing ever, and obviously, me reproducing with another Asian would result in full-Asian babies. But really I'm just not attracted to them. I like all other kinds of guys - white, Jewish, Black, Indian, Hispanic, you name it.

[Let me just add half-Asians to that list. Like I said, I think they are the best thing ever. I guess this can be explained: There are Asian qualities that I like, most certainly, but there are those that I apparently do not like. The half-non-Asian part of half-Asians takes those qualities away, I suppose. Not sure.]

On interracial and interfaith dating:
While I've only dated white guys in the past, I have liked guys (or should we call them men?) of all colors and religions. Being the yellow-on-the-outside-white-on-the-inside Asian that I am, it's really not a big deal. My parents are not limiting me to only Chinese dudes (thank god) and they really couldn't care less about who I date. In terms of affluence, Asians and whites are typically on fairly equal ground, so socio-economically, there's no difference. There's no Pretty In Pink storyline anywhere. That would be a great topic for another day.

I don't think I could ever date someone who was religious, because that would be a huge part of him that I just wouldn't be able to understand.

Conclusion:
This post can be summed up like so:

• I'm Asian, but I don't like Asians. (unless they're half-Asian)
• My parents do not restrict who I can and can't date; for this, I am very thankful.
• I cannot imagine what my life would be like if they did restrict my love life (see bullet 1).
• If only because religion is a pretty big part of people's lives, I could not date someone who was very religious because I wouldn't be able to share in that big part of their life.
• I believe our other contributors can offer much better insight on this topic.

Thanks very much to Tanya and Maddy for this fabulous topic suggestion!

April is female, straight and 19 years old.

Restarting back up again?

Hey.

I don't know who would still be reading this at this point, since the last post was over a year ago, and the last post before that was almost two years ago. But if you're out there, I'm thinking of starting this up again. It would give me something to do, and I still am extremely interested in this topic.

I just got home from hanging out with two friends, and we basically talked for hours about relationships, hookups, dating, etc. And after a year in college, I think we all have new experiences, insights and opinions to share.

And I'd like to continue again, and this time include more voices. Duncan and I are only two people with only our personal experiences to talk about, which are naturally limited. And there are many people out there who can't relate to us, but may be able to relate to others. Like people who have never been kissed. People who have never been in a relationship and people who have never been in love. Single people, casual daters, drunken-hookups-only type people. People who have dated one person on and off for years. People who want to save themselves for marriage, or just love. People who want to get it over with. Perhaps there are people who would be open to blogging about their sex lives (or lack thereof).

This stuff can get personal. So what if we made the authors anonymous? Maybe just with a simple label like "Nerdy Guy" or "Hot Girl" or "Bro" (ha). This way, we could all be more honest and open, which would open up more discussion.

We could definitely revisit some of the topics we've already gone over, since I'm sure our opinions have changed, even just slightly. I mean, we're college students now. Surely we've had our fair share of embarrassing stories, awkward hookups, and perhaps experimentation - and now there's illegal substances and their effects to be added into the mix.

Here's a thought. I think I have forgotten how to flirt. And that's just awful! Tips, lessons, anecdotes  - all totally welcome in my book. And maybe there are people who just plain never knew how (ahem).

And it's summer! I don't know anyone who's not looking for a summer fling. And there's also the awkwardness of being home for the summer with high school friends we said goodbye to last year, and the anticipation of going back to school with a totally new set of people (freshmen!) to eye. Or someone you had to put on hold for the summer, and you want to see how it goes come fall.

I just love this blog because we discuss so many different things, and the possibilities are endless, and everyone can find something to learn or think about - it's so applicable to our lives. We're all college students or high-schoolers, and we're all going through the same things, more or less.

I apologize for the all-over-the-place-ness of this post. It's late. I have to wake up in four hours. Comment with thoughts!

the return?!

I decided that it was a good time to start blogging again. It's been a LOOOOOOONG time.

Firstly.
Everyone says this trailer kinda sucks, and I agree, but I still want to see this movie.

More girls than guys will be seeing this movie, of course, but I'd still really want to know a guy's perspective on it.

It's also a book, in case you didn't know.

I haven't read it or seen it, but I want to. And when I do, I'm sure I'll have things to day.

AND
watch this
AND
go here

Guest Post, by a guy

High School relationships & college

College is a time in which one can truly experience a variety of things. As such it should be a time in which you enjoy yourself as you will be finding something that greatly interests you. Be it 1200’s history, PN junction transistor construction, the art of smoking weed, etc you are bound to find something that catches your attention. Furthermore, you start from a clean slate (socially speaking). You may have been the biggest manwhore or the biggest gossip girl in high school but no one will know about that in college. What’s not to look forward to?
Well depending on how you address the situation, there is one thing people in relationships probably don’t want to look forward to - College. College = either long distance relationships which will probably falter or the end of your current relationship. …Well that just sucks! No matter how you look at it, your choices are dismal. But in order to maintain some optimism in this article, we’ll start with the “good” outlook
Situation 1 – your girlfriend and you decide to break up so that you can experience college without any strings attached. Who knows perhaps if you are lucky you’ll meet in four years and hopefully she’ll still recognize you. “Perhaps she’ll realize that she liked you so much that she went into a nunnery [or became a lesbian]” as another blogger once wrote so eloquently.
Oh I’m sorry, that wasn’t too optimistic…let me try again
Situation 2 – You maintain a long distance relationship. The strength of your relationship, although tested by great distances and sexy men or women hitting upon you has not faltered. You end up getting married at the end of college.
There! That’s more optimistic. Ah now I feel all full of bubbling hope. Like a child who just got an A for his report card. Perhaps mom won’t beat me now – well unfortunately that’s unrealistic just like situation 2. The chances of you finding your true love in high school are very very low. You have a better chance of being hit by lightening twice in two different places, surviving that ordeal, bringing peace to the Middle East, and then winning the lottery on the same day. Sorry for bursting that bubble but it was necessary. However, that is not to say that there are couples who do find true love in high school and live happily ever after, wifebeatings and divorces galore.
But honestly, let’s be realistic. Long distance relationships probably won’t work. Even though you may remain in contact with each other by letters or “Shared online activities (e.g., online games such as chess, role play games such as Ragnarok and World of Warcraft)” as wikipedia brilliantly puts it (how many girls do you know play WoW?) nothing will ever replace the needed physical human interaction – seeing your partner, talking with your partner in person, etc. And with this physical aspect of the relationship missing, cracks are likely to form within your relationship – cracks that may cause the once firm house of relationships to crumble to the ground.
If we backtrack a little, it would seem situation 1 is the better situation. As much as I really deplore it, its one of those instances that, as my sister said “you simply met too early”. It’s sad, but perhaps after the entire college ordeal you two will get back together. Who knows? Maybe you will appreciate that person even more. It’s happened before. It may be hard to let go now but it may be the lesser of two evils in the end.
In all seriousness (no more sarcasm) going to college is going to hurt both of you in the relationship if you don’t prepare for it. Talk with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you decide to break up after high school, cherish the time that you have left. Now one might be asking “well what’s the point if you have already decided to breakup?” I honestly don’t have any smartass answer for that one. But look at your relationship. Why did you get together? Do you truly love each other? What would you do if the other died / was in danger and you could prevent it / cheated / was in pain? These are only questions that you and your partner can answer.
Now you should watch something happy after reading this depressing article – idk maybe Sex and the City or legally blond.

Dating: A term, or a real thing?

So, we haven’t blogged in a while. Man, I don’t know if I know how to do this anymore. Maybe it’s like riding a bike. Anyway, the topic of today’s discussion is if dating is a reality or just a label?

Is the term dating needed to imply some sort of deeper connection between two people, or is the term something that isn’t needed for a relationship?

Of course, dating (in the broad sense of the term) is just something you do with people who you aren’t necessarily dating (in the narrower, modern teenage sense of the word) but want to go somewhere with. To be dating someone implies that you go on dates with this person frequently. Therefore, the idea that going on a date with someone else multiple times means you two date; making dating a reality. But, what about two people, who, for whatever reason, don’t go on dates, but have feelings for each other and are in all other senses of the word in a relationship? If you two don’t do things together as a couple, can you truly be determined to be a couple?

I think that the act of dating, while sometimes vitally important to both building and maintaining a relationship, is not necessarily the keystone in the arch which is the relationship. In other words it isn’t needed for the two people to be going on dates with each other to be in a relationship where they can be labeled boyfriend and girlfriend.

So, while dating is mostly a reality, and most couples I think do go on dates together, and are therefore dating, it isn’t necessary and comes down in the end to mostly a label and not a reality where it determines the nature of the relationship.