The Rules of Attraction: Being a Guy Magnet

I don’t think anyone believes there is a set code of rules to follow in order to become a “guy magnet,” except maybe Seventeen Magazine, whose July 2008 issue features an article about just that. According to the magazine, there are three (imo, retarded) rules to follow to be that one girl that gets all the guys.
First of all, there are always those girls who seem like they get all the guys. But do they really? Aren’t they just slutty? Or uncommitted? But I will say, there is definitely something awesome about being flirty and having lots of options :]
This week, Duncan and I have decided to make our own respective sets of rules for attracting guys. Next week (or next time we blog), we’ll make rules for attracting girls. We/I apologize for waiting, like, forever to blog again, but those crazy comments from the last post took up the better part of our blogging time. Anyway, on to the rules. These are concocted from whatever little personal experience I have as well as focus group research =)
The Rules of Attraction, as told by April:
Rule #1: Make him feel comfortable. What I mean is, just be relaxed and don’t be looking for anything. Don’t make him feel pressured to act a certain way and/or do certain things. Be easygoing and let what happens happen. Be friendly and smiley and welcoming. Be easy to talk to and easy to approach; be inviting. Sort of like, let yourself be exposed (figuratively, please) when the time comes.
Rule #2: Radiate happiness. I don’t mean smile 100% of the time or anything. But let it be known that you are having a good time and can laugh about things and smile about things. I think most guys want a girl who can laugh and find something positive in any situation. And smiles always make you look pretty, not to mention confident.
Rule #3: Be forward, a little. I don’t mean throw yourself at anyone. But sometimes, guys need more than just a little hint (not to say they’re thickheaded, but...). Haha, just kidding. Sometimes, guys like it if you are more forward. Not too forward though, in my opinion. Just don’t be shy.
Rule #4: Restrain yourself. This is probably the number one rule I live by. Don’t let yourself go overboard. Think about what you were going to do, and then take a couple steps back and STOP. THERE. This has a load of benefits. 1) You’re not going to look like a complete idiot throwing yourself at some guy. 2) It gives you time to gauge how much you really like him, if you do at all. 3) It gives you time to sit back and observe; you can figure out (or try to) if he likes you back. 4) If he does like you, it leaves him wanting more. =] Even if he doesn’t like you, you can see if he is attracted to you.

I have to say, it was very strange trying to write these. First of all, I’m not a guy. Therefore, I don’t really know what a guy would think of these rules. And also, this set of rules is a complete generalization, which is not ideal but sometimes necessary. It obviously doesn’t apply to everyone and how you use the rules, if at all, depends on who you are and who the guy is. Looking back at this, it’s not really the rules of attraction. It;s more like, how to get a guy to like you. Which is always fun, but not really the best thing to do in the long run. But I definitely believe you can make a guy like you. It’s totally possible. And it’s very fun to try :]

Things That Girls Can Do, To Make Guys Attracted to Them

So, this blog post was touched off by a 17 Magazine article about ways that girls should act and such to make guys attracted to them.

So, I guess I will attempt to make a list of things that girls can do to make guys attracted to them, or interested in them, or something like that. Of course, this list is going to be just for me, but I think that a lot of what I’m going to say can apply to many different guys.

So, the article talked about confidence, and how to look confident when talking to guys and such. And I agree with that. I think that for both guys and girls, being confident about yourself, about how you look, about how you are acting is one of those things that are attractive. Everyone likes attention as well, so the girl starting flirting or talking to the guy first is of course something that is attractive. And that is confidence too; because usually guys are supposed to approach girls, but if the girl shows the confidence to go over to the attractive guy they see they’ll break boundaries and look extra confident and sure of themselves that way.

Another thing that guys appreciate is body contact. The article also said this. But, the article talked about touching his hand and stuff. I think that body contact really depends on how it is done. Sure, hugging is one thing, but a lot of the time, hugging is just a greeting or a farewell. But subtle things like taking his hand or sitting near him. Of course, the stereotype of the guy who is too oblivious to subtly is sometimes true. Stuff like that doesn’t always work, so sometimes you have to resort to more drastic measures like…

Walking around naked. Enough said.

But really, guys do like girls showing off. And this does go with the confidence thing. But, it is something that girls can do to get noticed. Look good, show off what you have. Not necessarily in a slutty manner, but just by making yourself look good, and know how to look good. That type of stuff is important to guys. We like how girls look, and if you want a guy to approach you, you’ll probably have to look good first. This doesn’t mean that you have to spend four hours in the bathroom everyday sculpting your hair and putting make up on, but you should know how to make yourself look good, and that will help you out.

So, I think I’m repeating myself here. The point mostly is that confidence in whatever you do, works. Flirt however you want, but do it well and with confidence and you’ll have a better chance to get the guy. There isn’t any magic perfume to wear, or shoes to dance in. You have just like who and what you are and go out there and go after the guys you want just as much as they have to go after you.

to infinity... and beyond! by that i mean Dating A Good Friend.

I say this from personal experience: Dating a close friend does not ruin the friendship. Of course, it definitely can in some cases, but I’ll get to that later. Naturally, if you become really close to a friend of the opposite sex, some other feelings of attraction might develop, in addition to usual friendly love. To this, I say go for it. Don’t shy away from it just because they are your friend. Good things can happen and you never know until you give it a shot.

In a way I think people who date their best or close friends have different relationships than those who date people they instantly fall for. At the moment I can’t think of anyone I know personally who is/was in the latter relationship. Actually maybe a couple. But still. I conclude that most people date their friends, because obviously they know them better. People who date close friends tend to have a relationship that stems from the basis of that friendship and grows to the next level. It’s basically like hanging out with a friend but doing all those things couples do too. I don’t know. I just think that people with boyfriends or girlfriends who weren’t really friends before have a different balance of coupley stuff versus hanging out stuff.

I’ll also say that because of the way high school dating works, people tend to be friends with others before they are their bf/gf. But once we’re beyond high school, we meet people randomly and go on a date and if we hit it off, then that’s great. But in that case, you start off with the goal of finding a relationship partner or whatever, you know what I mean?

The problem with dating friends is the worry about whether the friendship will be ruined as a result of the relationship ending. Obviously high school relationships don’t last forever. It’s sad but it’s reality. I think that if you were friends before you started dating, you can remain friends afterwards. Of course, there is a period of awkwardness, but I can assure you, it will subside in time. And everything will be back to normal and in a little while you’ll be laughing about how you two dated way back when. The exception to this is if something bad happens that causes the end of the relationship. Something that totally kills every connection you ever had. Like, for example, infidelity or abuse or crazy personality transformations. Something like that would put into question the future of the friendship.

If you and your best-friend-of-the-opposite-sex (or same sex if you prefer: we don’t discriminate) are into eachother, I say go for it. Neither of you wants anything bad to happen, and 9 times out of 10 nothing will. You also get to skip over (most of) the awkward stuff because you’ll already be way more comfortable hanging out with eachother than you would with anyone else. But there is definitely awkward stuff. Like you’ve been so used to just being friends, how do you go about acting like you’re dating? What makes it any different? Aside from making out in the hallways at school, which is a practice I do not condone anyway. Once you give it a shot, it’s up to you to decide whether you like life better as friends or as more then friends and do what you will from there. But you never know until you try.

I don’t know if this answered the question (if there even was one), or any question for that matter.

We are back, for real this time!

So, we’re finally actually back. This time with real posts, written by us. Yay!

So, on to tonight’s topic: dating friends. April has kindly laid out some prompt questions for me to answer, because I like doing that, rather than just rambling, so, I’ll start answering.

Will it mess up the friendship? Well, I think that depends on what happens in the relationship. If you date and remain friends, but with physical attraction towards each other then I think that of course you can still be friends, at least during the tenure of your relationship. O course, if you break up in a way that is disagreeable to one, or both of you, then the likely hood that you will be friends after the fact grow less and less. This is not to say it can’t happen, but I think that it could cause a worse situation if you do break up. This would be based on the fact that if you had a lot of history together as friends and you had history together while in your relationship it is going to be worse if you break up badly. This is especially if the person that you begin dating is someone who is a best friend, someone you tell everything to already and you basically can’t live without. If that falls through if you break up (which it probably will at least for a little while) though, unless you have support in place of what your until recent boyfriend or girlfriend would have provided, you’re going to be in a much worse situation than you would if you still had your friend. So, there is the potential for a friendship to be messed up.

Is it different than dating non-friends? I think this is an interesting question, mostly because I don’t think I’d think about seriously dating someone, in the sense that I date it to mean (not just going on dates, but being a couple officially or whatever), unless I was friends with them. Now, dates can establish friendship and interest and that can grow into a relationship, but I think that you can’t totally discount friendship from a relationship. If you two can’t get along except when you’re making out with each other I don’t think it is really working to well. But, I’m sure some people see otherwise. I think though that dating a best-friend figure or a close friend is definitely different than dating someone who is only a sort of friend. I think that if you two are good friends already you’re going to be able to have a good time together almost no matter what, but otherwise you’re going to need to work at it more. So, I think that dating close friends can be helpful, it can be easier, but it can also of course cause problems as I just discussed in the last paragraph.

Now, April had some other prompts, but I basically answered them in the first paragraph, so, a final one.

If you don’t date, will things be weird that way too? I think this is an excellent question. I think it depends on how you go about bringing up the subject to begin with between you two. I think that it is going to create some tension, some awkwardness no matter what you do, even if one party doesn’t know about the other liking them. But, I do think that things don’t necessarily have to be weird forever. The two people can stay friends, even if both are quite aware of the feelings that they either have, or had for each other. Obviously it also depends on the people, some people could totally freak out and it could cause a problem where the two people might not talk for a really long time, but for others it might just cause a more subtle tension and awkwardness, one where both of them know it is there, but it is harder to detect unless you know what is going on.

So, even though I think most of what I just wrote seemed rather negative, I feel that dating between friends isn’t a bad thing. It can work out just fine, but sometimes it isn’t for the best. You just have to be aware of what is going on and how things are working out, because I think that it can get awkward very quickly, possibly more quickly that with someone you don’t really know, or aren’t really good friends with.

We're Back. Sort of

So, April and I aren't really back, but we do have a guest post for you to tide you over until we can blog. Which should be some time this week.

Thanks for your patience, everyone.

So, guest post, by an anonymous author.

What should I do, what would you say?
I feel this more and more each day.
Feelings for a good friend of mine,
her own emotions, I cannot divine.
Should I be content with this?
Or risk all for a single, sweet kiss?
Is it worth it, honestly, dear?
A friendship for naught but a tear?
A mistake I made, many years ago.
I do not know. It tortures me so.