Guest Contributor on a very good topic

April and Duncan have gotten extremely lazy with updating this little blog of theirs, and I think it’s about time someone brought it back to life. I want to write about a topic that I think gets brushed under the rug A LOT. That is, when a best friend gets a boy/girl friend, what happens to your relationship?

Now, I know that every person is an individual and that everyone acts differently in different situations and blah blah blah… BUT it can’t be denied that when your best friend gets a boy/girl friend, everything changes. All of the sudden, there’s a new person in that person’s life and the balance of things gets super altered. To make a chemistry reference, the chemical equation has to be fixed so that everything can remain stable and nobody feels like they’re being rejected.

The problem is that no matter what your best friend TRIES to do, somebody ends up missing out, which only causes further conflict. A classic dilemma is this: A friend is celebrating their birthday, but she/he can’t decide how they want to spend their big day. One the one hand, his/her friends want to throw a huge party, but on the other hand, their beau wants to have a special day with him/her. Or at the very least, they want some quality alone time. The point is that the friend is forced to choose between his/her friends or his/her dating partner. Ultimately, somebody is going to feel as though their companionship is not as valuable as somebody else’s.

So how does one exit this loop? Or at the very least avoid the pain that’s involved? Truthfully, I’m not quite sure but my theory is this: If you truly care about someone, you’ll let them explore new things and meet new people. Every so often, someone new will come into the picture and change things up, but if your relationship was strong and real in the first place, then in time, everything will come back into balance. Eventually, the new will turn into the typical, and life will continue onwards. If things don’t work out, then there’s always time to meet someone new. And as a good friend, you’ll be there when it happens.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I normally never read an entire entry because they’re just too damn long. So yes, I like to keep my entries short. Please tell April and Duncan to get off their butts and write updates for this thing…because this whole “writing a guest blog” endeavor was quiet tiring.

~ Written by a CCMWMV

A guest post.

My age is the same as that of April dear's. My gender is the same as that of Duncan's. I would not hesitate to say that I am unlike either, and perhaps this change in perspective will prove to be of utmost interest to our esteemed readers. Given that, let me proceed to discuss a rather touchy topic. Or topics. Either or. I might write about one, perhaps two.

Prom is an interesting thing for high schoolers. It gives us a chance to socialize, and for socially inept people such as myself, well, that is not something to take lightly. However, I find it for whatever reason somewhat difficult to find a date. Well, you might ask, why is that so? Perhaps that can be attributed to my own fault, whether it be a personality that doesn't rub well with others, or a general state of hideousness that inherently causes those of the other gender to flinch and flee from my presence. I would like to imagine that neither is the case, as well, I do not believe I am possessed of either a remarkably awful personality or a malevolent and disgusting outward appearance, though I am quite sure my ex would beg to differ on both accounts. That being said, let us continue. Yes, I do wish to go to prom, so long as the particular girl I wish to go with is able and willing to go with me. Yes, April, you do not need to yell at me for not going. Because I fully intend to go, so long as that happens. Of course, the situation is somewhat muddled and complicated, but I hold no rancor or resentment towards the girl or the other person involved. Things just don't work out sometimes. But why do we, collectively as high schoolers, mostly anyway, yearn to go to prom? It is a confusing and oft perplexing question. Having given you, dear reader, somewhat of a backdrop to my situation and perspective, let us delve deeper.

I have been told that prom is an American tradition of sorts, one that should be followed and upheld. Perhaps, but I believe it to be far simpler. It is a more formal occasion for socializing, as I have mentioned. It is every girl's dream to go to prom and see what it's all about, and whatnot, as April has told me. However, and I speak solely for myself, I do not believe I would like to go, except if I were to go with a girl I liked, or at least could bear the company of, since well, for me, it is nice to spend time around someone I enjoy spending time around.

Let's talk about something of more personal importance to myself. Would you say that people deserve second chances in a relationship? If one goes bad, and the person genuinely changes, would he or she deserve a second chance? I believe so. People make mistakes, they change, and they grow older and wiser, to some degree. It is perhaps one of the most painful experiences to know that you are different, changed, better, and not be given a second chance. To realize that your mistake, however impossible for you to make again, has resulted in consequences permanent and definite, with no real hope for redemption. Despite this, for whatever reason, it is often hard for us to give those who deserve a second chance a second chance. We question whether they are fully changed, or truly different. We remember their past mistakes, the ones they made that were so hurtful and painful to us. But I believe that to forgive takes true character, something more than the average person is capable of. To give someone a real second chance, to wipe of the slate completely, is something truly remarkable. It takes good judgment, strong conviction, and ultimately, great faith to do so. On a personal level, I have made a tremendous number of mistakes, all of which hurt someone I cared about. These mistakes have helped me grow as a person, maturing into someone I believe to be truly different. I would not hesitate to say that the me of today is not the same as the me of even two months ago. The past two months has seen in me tremendous change and upheaval, a permanent shift in character that really is only possible because of the mistakes I have made. Mistakes are meant to be made, and with that, I believe we are meant to forgive, but not necessarily forget the pain we have felt from them. While we cannot forget that pain, we should also realize that those mistakes, however hurtful, are ones we too can make, and ones that often make us better people in the end. Those who make mistakes, and freely admit to it and change as a result, are definitely worthy of our forgiveness. We are meant to forgive those who hurt us, and in doing so, we recognize that people are capable of growth and development in character.

I appreciate that you have read this far. My thoughts are not worth much, but there they are.

I bid you good day.

Funny, but oh-so-true quotes

from Men May Come and Men May Go but I've Still Got My Little Pink Raincoat: Life and Love In and Out of My Wardrobe by Gigi Anders.

But I still love him. The eternal feminine position. Are we all masochists? Do we give men way more credit than they deserve? Should we reserve our credit strictly for plastic purchases?
p12

Who knows why men stay with us? I have no idea. I guess it’s because they love us, preferably naked, therefore canceling our entire shopping therapy core belief system.
p15

The first quote struck me because it is so true. So many girls let guys do whatever they want because they think they still love them, and that their positive qualities outweigh their flaws, even if their flaws are abuse. And on a less extreme level, everything guys do can piss off their girlfriends or whatnot, but they still stick around. At some point, this becomes a bad thing. If a guy sucks, it doesn't matter how awesome their eyes are or how well they kiss or how many flowers they give you. There comes a point when it is time to let go.

But, at the same time, you can't leave a guy just for a single flaw, or even a couple negative things. Nobody is perfect, and there's no way you'll ever find a guy you don't have a single problem with.

The second quote is funny too, but it's more silly. Who do girls dress to impress? My parents always think that when I dress up (or just get dressed; I don't often dress down) that I am doing it to impress a boy. Which I don't believe is true. Girls are competitive and dressing up is as much impressing girls as it is impressing guys. In this book (which so far is hilarious), she relates one item of clothing, makeup or accessory to a specific guy, who I think is supposed to fall for her as soon as he sees it on her. I don't believe guys are this shallow.

This quote also relates back to what we've talked about before, I think. Why do guys stay with us if they are supposed to be independent strong men? Of course, we've answered this question. They are not actually independent and strong all the time, maybe they need action (haha), they go weak when they meet someone special. Or if they are independent and strong they want to protect a lady, save a damsel in distress.

From The Today Show

Comment with thoughts, questions, arguments, etc!

Valentine's Day!

Okay I have to admit, I love Valentine's Day. I know there are a lot of people out there who think it's really dumb and really pointless and a waste of time and money and pinkness, but I love it. I can see how you would think it's dumb and all that, and yeah it is stupid to devote only one day to showing someone you care, but it's an awesome excuse to get roses and eat chocolate and bake cupcakes and wear pink and sparkley stuff and buy Hello Kitty Valentines!

For some reason, they force us to give Valentine's to everyone in your class in elementary school, which sucks for the parents who have to go out to buy useless pieces of paper, but it's awesome for us kids who get to eat and party and see if our crushes signed the valentine with "xoxo" (...I hope someone else did that, and not just me...). And then in middle school there's the rose sale. I don't think many people actually receive roses, though I did get one in 7th grade. In 9th grade, I dumped Duncan the day before Valentine's Day (I know, harsh), so I never got anything (I believe he ate the chocolate himself, haha, right Duncan?). Those are my two experiences with Valentine's Day so far.

Wow, I'm not making my point at all.

Okay so basically I'm really horrible when it comes to Valentine's Day. I have no idea whether or not the girl is supposed to get the guy anything, but I expect guys to get a teddy bear, a dozen roses, chocolate and a cute date. Except not really, because I probably wouldn't want that myself, but that's the cliché, right? I just expect the guy to do more than the girl does. Which I don't agree with on principle, but it's still what I expect. I mean, Valentine's Day is intended for the girl. Really, what is a guy going to do with teddy bears and roses?

But why is Valentine's Day the day to show your love? What about the other 364/5 days in the year? Of course you show your love every day of the year. It's sort of like Thanksgiving: that's not the only day to be grateful, but yet we pick one day for it each year. (Though I know there's all that pilgrim and indian stuff too, but we'll forget about that for the sake of this argument.) I'm sure there's a historic reason for Valentine's Day; it is called St. Valentine's Day, after all, right? I don't know: wiki it. We always have holidays to celebrate, because regular days are just too boring. Why not have fun with Valentine's Day and do something cute with who you love? Don't sit there and be all cynical about romance. It's your one day to be all mushygushy.

But what about all those single people out there? I guess you have good reason to hate Valentine's Day. But really, think about all those other single people. They need Valentines too; go pick up some hot guys! But this is a day about people you love, and you have friends whom you love, if not any significant others. So just bask in the happiness and feel the love <3

And guys, you don't have to spend a lot of money on girls. Just show her you care, it's not that hard. A lot of girls don't feel comfortable accepting huge gifts. Then again, some girls would hate it if you didn't get her something big. I think what works is figuring out how big your sig-other is going to go; unequal value of gifts is only going to make both people feel bad.

So go out and have an awesome Valentine's Day! Wear pink, eat cookies and hug people.

Valentines? More like shmalentines.

All silliness aside, Valentine’s Day is approaching and with it comes the dreaded gift giving exercise practiced by many couples, and hopeful couples come February 14^th. But, what really is the use of Valentine’s Day? In a lot of guy’s minds this day is a day that they have to waste a bunch of money on their girlfriend, or potential date/love interest/whatever. And no guy likes doing that. But what is the true meaning of Valentine’s Day (VD)? Is it actually just to provide physical reminders of one’s love for another, or does it actually serve a purpose other than to stoke one’s ego and serve as a popularity contest.

So, what do I think of VD? I wouldn’t really know actually. This year is the first year that I’ll actually have a girlfriend on VD, but from past experience in general VD extravaganzas I know that I’m not really that big a fan of it. Sure, I appreciate the chocolate and all the other types of candy and stuff, I don’t necessarily like the holiday itself. I’m not big on the pink hearts and other such things which permeate the holiday.

I don’t really know what to say about VD other than this. I’m not sure what April’s expecting really, she did come up with the idea for this post. I guess I’m not in much of a blogy mood. Maybe I’ll make this better, or add some more or something or write another post after April posts.

Sara Koste and I, discussing love

So, yeah, I know, that April should be posting the things from the girls but I was talking to Sara tonight and it came up, so here it is with some minor editing and fixes.

what is she bear (8:41:19 PM): and I'd question your idea of love. but whatever, I just blogged about that

micaspangled (8:41:52 PM): oh really? you'd question it?

what is she bear (8:42:41 PM): well, I'd question what you mean by love.

micaspangled (8:43:11 PM): well maybe you would

micaspangled (8:43:23 PM): fine then, duncan. tell me how i don't love him

what is she bear (8:45:45 PM): I'm not saying that you don't like him a lot. that you don't like being around and that you don't enjoy his company and all those things. But what I'd call into question is what you mean by love? Because, can you actually love someone that you'd dated for what? two weeks or something? Can you really get to know someone on an emotional and physical level that is required for a loving bond, or connection or something like that to form?

micaspangled (8:46:13 PM): yes

what is she bear (8:46:52 PM): alright then.

what is she bear (8:47:10 PM): then ask him to prom right now. because if you love him, I have no idea what you're waiting for.

micaspangled (8:47:26 PM): duncan, do u have any idea how fickle i am?

what is she bear (8:48:02 PM): yes, I do. but if that means that you love him right now and today but you won't tomorrow then that breaks the criterion for love

micaspangled (8:48:40 PM): i think that u have a judgmental view of love

micaspangled (8:48:47 PM): i think that it is something that is always there

micaspangled (8:49:20 PM): ever since i have "been in love with" him, i have had a little like, un-reality check every time i see him, no matter what

micaspangled (8:49:44 PM): i am a willful person duncan, if i believe that i should not love him, i will do everything i can to try and make myself fall out of love with him

what is she bear (8:50:35 PM): what do you mean un-reality check?

micaspangled (8:51:10 PM): like an out-of-body experience, like instead of a reality check, it's like a millisecond fantasy of what it could be

what is she bear (8:51:28 PM): I see. alright.

micaspangled (8:57:27 PM): well then, what are your perspectives on love? not to pursue the topic, but it's an interesting one that people usually avoid

what is she bear (9:02:40 PM): perspectives on love? If you mean, do I think the term overly romantic or something? Well no, because I believe that love happens, and I experience love myself. But, in a nutshell, I think that romantic love can not really (or at least very easily) be formed in a high school setting. I don't know why I don't see love as being something that can happen in high school, but I just don't think that two people in high school know each other well enough, or long enough to love each other. but, I contradict myself of course. I love my parents and I've only known them for 17 years. I love my friends, april for instance, I love april like a sister and we've only been friends since seventh grade. but those things are different than romantic love. I don't think that romantic love can be easily explained or experienced on the same level as friendship love which I see as something which can develop more quickly but grow incredibly strong where as romantic love has to start with a strong connection and then become love. or something like that.

micaspangled (9:05:56 PM): yes. well, i sort of agree with you. i suppose i don't know if i can experience romantic love right now. i think that it's not impossible to find true love in high school. a good example? my parents! they were high school sweethearts, and they are still together. i mean, i don't know the intricacies of their relationship, but it's pretty good proof for me. i also agree with you. see, the thing is that i think friendship love and romantic love are not very different at all. i don't know enough about it yet, but i think that romantic love is an extension of friendship love, and perhaps has the attraction factor added in

what is she bear (9:09:01 PM): well, I think that romantic love is one of those weird things that can fall into a couple of categories. while sure it can be similar to friendship at times, it also has to be a deeper connection than any friendship. then there has to be the attractive piece, but that plays into another aspect of love which is the desire and such part of love. so, I don't know, I think it's one of those things that is way too complicated for most people to experience at this early a point in life, but then again, I've been wrong before.

micaspangled (9:13:13 PM): yea, i think you're right. like, i didn't word it correctly. i don't know about you, but with me, it's all about the personality. like, 95%. i mean, i probably wouldn't want a short, fat, bald, acne-covered 45-year old man, but i mean, that being an extreme, physical attractiveness is really completely irrelevant. it's an attractiveness of character. like, someone can pretty easily make me fall in love with them.. all it takes is for them to do something, even the tiniest thing, that shows me that they care about me. this is probably a result of the constant teasing and berating i receive.

micaspangled (9:13:23 PM): but

micaspangled (9:13:45 PM): the thing that they do that will make me fall in love with them is not a set thing

micaspangled (9:14:15 PM): like, even when this guy made out with me, that didn't make me fall in love with him at all. it showed he liked me, but it didn't show that he cared about me.

micaspangled (9:16:51 PM): i care about a lot of people, like extremely. it's that sort of friendship love you talk about, but i practically abuse it. when i say care, i mean like, understanding. if you understand a person, u can usually pretty much predict how they feel or what they want when they are in a mood. i'm like that with dom, lauren, my brothers,. with some people it's really not hard to figure them out, they're kind of transparent. but that's not a bad thing!! it just makes it easier for me. i'll still care about someone, even if they're transparent. because if their transparency shows beauty, all the better

micaspangled (9:17:31 PM): this all has to do with love

micaspangled (9:17:34 PM): i think

what is she bear (9:17:55 PM): so, you're saying for you to love someone they have to be nontransparent though? you have to care about them, but not be able to figure them out?

micaspangled (9:18:20 PM): oh no i'm not saying that at all.

micaspangled (9:18:29 PM): i'm just trying to explain to you how i view people

micaspangled (9:18:52 PM): transparency or not is not a qualification, it is just a way that i explain how i can completely understand some people and not others

what is she bear (9:19:06 PM): ok

what is she bear (9:19:12 PM): well, what about that guy?

micaspangled (9:19:25 PM): well, i understand him most of the time

micaspangled (9:19:55 PM): like, when he's in a good mood, if he wants to talk about serious stuff, if he just wants to be silly

micaspangled (9:20:07 PM): but i don't always understand when or why or what to do when he's in a bad mood.

micaspangled (9:20:38 PM): i'm the kind of person who takes pleasure in pleasing other people, in wrapping myself around what makes other people happy, and so i need to know about these things

micaspangled (9:20:50 PM): that's why i love giving backrubs so much

what is she bear (9:24:06 PM): and on topic, well back to the love topic: someone posted this on my blog post "My dad always says, You know you love someone when your happy when they are happy, and when they are sad, you are sad." and that sounds a lot like you. But, I can see this kind of attitude not allowing any personal freedom. Because if you focus all your attention on someone else then there is none left for yourself and you trust yourself to be supported by the other person. which I guess could be the point.

micaspangled (9:24:33 PM): that's the thing with me

micaspangled (9:24:45 PM): it's not a cage, though.

micaspangled (9:25:18 PM): if you derive pleasure from other people's care for you and own happiness, it's really much easier to attain

micaspangled (9:25:28 PM): and it's not like i can't make my own happiness

micaspangled (9:25:39 PM): and it is about trust

micaspangled (9:26:04 PM): like, right now i believe that i trust him forever

micaspangled (9:26:09 PM): i like to be taken care of

what is she bear (9:27:37 PM): I guess that is where we somewhat differ, because while I feel that I can trust people pretty well, I guess if I can't place myself into the mold deriving pleasure from helping them totally then I'm not actually that trusting. I don't know.

what is she bear (9:28:06 PM): but see, sara, you also seem to like to take care of someone else, if you want to make them happy. though, I guess that goes both ways

micaspangled (9:28:49 PM): it does. it's such an old-fashioned woman's role, though. i sort of despise that, and still it's nice

what is she bear (9:29:27 PM): I guess it's just your personality

micaspangled (9:30:14 PM): ah, well. it's just because i'm sheltered. someday something horrible and earth-shattering will happen to me, and i'll either die or learn from it and turn into a hard-hearted old cronie

and because we're silly

9:51:18 fnkywtrmlns: it's too bad we're not stereotypical guys and girls
9:51:18 what is she bear: haha
9:51:48 what is she bear: well, I could pretend I just want sex and you could pretend you just want a boyfriend who will go to the park and pick flowers with you.
9:51:54 fnkywtrmlns: hahha
9:51:55 fnkywtrmlns: lmao
9:52:07 fnkywtrmlns: but i do want a boyfriend who will go to the park and pick flowers with me!
9:53:26 what is she bear: actually, and I guess I just want sex too. but I'm not solely motivated by that. so really, we seem to have already filled the criteria
9:53:27 what is she bear: weird

and now you have our screennames.

Power to Love: A Jimi Hendrix song

And our new topic… Love.

It was April’s idea, I swear.

But really, what is love, how do I and my peers find love and all that jazz in something like high school? Do we even find love in high school? How can you tell if that relationship you have is you falling in love, or you just falling “in like?

First off, what is love? Similar to April, I think I’ll have to look this one up, because I have no idea how to define it. So, apparently “love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness. Depending on context, love can have a wide variety of intended meanings.” (Wikipedia) I’d say that is pretty accurate. It is “any of a number of emotions,” and so since it can be a few things then how do we know we’re in love. And what about those times I say “I love chocolate cake,” does that meant that I want to have a loving relationship with chocolate cake? Or does it actually just mean that I find chocolate cake delicious (if you can’t tell, I recently ate a piece, or two, of very good chocolate cake)? Both of these can be true, but the probably underlying meaning of it is the second option. When love is used it can be many different things, it can be physical love of something: beauty, glamour, grace, ability, et cetera; or it can be the more mental aspects of love, the love of something for what it makes us feel (in a non physical way). Because, I can love both TV and people, but when I say I love a person I’m implying something different than when I say that I love Scrubs.

When I say that I love a person I feel that I generally am implying something of a connection, on a mental and physical level with that person. Parents are an example, you love your mother both mentally (because of some type of bond between the two of you because of your parent-child relationship) and physically (because you were born by her and she cared for you for all of your life). But what about friends? People tell their friends that they love them all the time. This probably happens more often than a lot of teenagers telling their parents they love them. But what does this love mean. Because it isn’t family love and it isn’t romantic love, it is friendship love. And that friendship love is one of the most powerful in the long run. Actually, let me take a moment to redirect my thoughts, because I don’t really know where they are going at the moment, and I feel I should reset them.

Ok, so what do I think about people saying “I love you,” in a serious manner to their boyfriend or girlfriend? This it seems happens a lot in high school relationships. But as a child still, how can we except to find true love in a high school relationship? Of course, sometimes people date in high school and then go on to be married and live happily ever after. But how often does that happen, and can you call holding hands in the halls between classes love? Of course that isn’t really a fair analysis, and some high school relationships are very strong and committed and last a very long time. But at what point do they become love, and when does the use of the word love in the context of a relationship become usable? How can someone determine that? I know some people would think that the use of the word and its normal connotation for a “forever and ever I’ll love you” type idea is totally unusable in the setting of a high school relationship, but what about other meanings of the word? Why can’t the word love take on a new meaning and be used as a simple term of endearment. When the word takes on new meaning between the two parties in a relationship, and so that the old connotation falls away and the new takes its place then is the usage of love acceptable in my mind, though, to be inclusive, there could be a couple of examples where both parties are actually “in love” in a traditional sense, but really, who knows what that means. So, when the time is right the usage of love is acceptable in my mind, as long as there are certain limits set up. I don’t know if you can call dating for two weeks love, but a year, that could be love, or maybe dedication. But that then gets into what love is made of. And I don’t want to get into that because this is pretty long already.

This post feels incomplete. I don’t feel like I extrapolated as much as I should have. Like I said though, it’s pretty long. And, just to reiterate, if you want to be a guest contributor, see my previous post for emails of April and I.

In love?

Obviously, you love the person you marry. But what about before that? Like, say, in high school? Can you truly be in love with your high school boyfriend? And how can you tell? And how do you go about telling your significant other?

I have friends who are in love, or who were in love, and I have known people who have been in unrequited love. But, really, we're just in high school. These people 15, 16, 17 years old. How can we as teenagers possibly know what love is like?

For the record, when people say they are in love with eachother or with someone, I believe them. Because I love the idea and I love the romance and it's cute and they are happy and I want so badly for it to be truly true.

But I can't say I'm not skeptical. And a little bit...annoyed? Not that they're in love, but that being in love is so common. Personally, I'm cautious about love and all because I think it should be saved for when it's real, not when you think you love someone. I think you can have a few loves before you're married, but I don't think you can be in love with everyone who becomes your boyfriend or girlfriend. I guess most people aren't, but I'm sure there are those who think they are in love with everyone, even if they date for only a short while.

Is the person you're in love with the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? Isn't that what they all say at proposals? "I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" But in high school, we have no intention of getting married anytime soon (I would hope) and that doesn't apply, the whole spending the rest of your life together thing. So how do you know if you love someone? This question has been bothering me for a while. How can you tell? I'd love it if people who were in love commented with their own insight. But then again, aside from loving them for who they are and being unable to live without them, there has to be something indescribable, no? I think I have that indescribable thing, but I don't know about the other two.

And what about when you do realize you love someone? How do you tell them? Thankfully, we're past the middle school ritual of telling every person you call your boyfriend that you love them, based only on that mere title. And here is where it gets more serious. Saying "I love you" is a big deal, and I hope people recognize that. And does it even suck that much if you tell someone you love them, and they don't say the same back? I think it's better that they don't lie to you because they think they're supposed to say "I love you too"; they can wait until they are ready.

And because it relates, and I LOVE JUNO:
"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

And we're back! With posts on RELATIONSHIPS

We apologize for the brief hiatus we went on. But we’re back and better than ever!

Len’s comment on my last post posed this very good question:

What should a “relationship” be?

Duncan and I both thought this was a really intriguing question. What is a relationship? Especially for high schoolers. Is it just like being friends plus a little more or is it beyond that?

Of course, the person you are in a relationship with is a good friend, or else they wouldn’t be your boyfriend/girlfriend. I think being in a relationship is like having a best friend of the opposite sex (or the same sex, if you prefer). But at the same time, he/she has to be more of a friend.

I have to say before I state any more opinions that I am usually single, so I have little knowledge of how relationships really are. Most of my experience/insight into this will have to come from media and people I’ve talked to.

I think that the person you are in a relationship with should be someone you love spending time with and who loves spending time with you. There has to be emotional and physical attraction, good conversation, laughter, and fun. I think if you seriously lack any of those, your relationship is seriously lacking. But really, this person is just a friend that you’re attracted to. You can’t have a relationship with someone you’re not attracted to, even if they are a friend, and you can’t have a relationship with someone you’re attracted to if they are not a friend.

But, between being just friends and bf/gf, there has to be a difference somewhere. I don’t think just slapping on the title of boyfriend or girlfriend constitutes a relationship. And here I can segue into another topic that bothers me so much. I hate the way high school and especially middle school dating usually works. And that is: boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy asks girl, “will you go out with me,” meaning “be my girlfriend,” girl says yes, boy is boyfriend, girl is girlfriend. When really, it should be dating, getting closer, being inexclusive at first, and then easing into a relationship.

Relationships that aren’t too serious are probably more fun. Because honestly, how many relationships last out of high school? The chances of getting married and staying together forever, or even past graduation, college, etc, are very slim, so I think relationships are about having fun. But also creating a really strong bond, stronger than friendship.

Len said that he doesn’t think relationships are about having someone there for you, that that’s what friends are for. While I agree with this, I just like the romantic idea that the person you love is the person that’s always there. If this is the person who you chose to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, you know they care about you enough to cheer you up, offer advice, support you and all that jazz. I think they should appreciate you more and therefore be more apt to help you. I think friends take friends for granted more than boyfriends and girlfriends take for granted eachother.

One more thing. Like I said, relationships should be fun, especially for our age. They shouldn’t be more important than other people and things you love in your life, but they should be an important part. If you put your relationship as number one to the extreme and disregard other things, I would say you are taking it way to seriously and you’re only going to screw yourself over in the end. Have a good time.

Oh and, Duncan probably mentioned this already, but if you would like to contribute, email your Guest Contribution Post to me if you’re a girl and to Duncan if you’re a guy, and we’ll post it for you with the proper heading. Also include the name you’d like us to identify you as, and possibly your age and/or location.

On Relationships

Relationships: Generally they are just interactions between two people. But normally, when someone is in a relationship with someone else then they’re dating. Or they’re sucking face all over the place if they aren’t dating. But, what should a romantic relationship be. Especially at this time in our lives: high school, teenage years, college, et cetera.

What exactly does the term relationship mean to me, to you, to people in general? Why do we get into relationships at all? Sure, we’re socially and biologically programmed to have monogamous partners for life in a marriage type situation where we can reproduce. But for our age group, the reproduction aspect of any relationship is probably going to be one of the last things wanted by either party. So, why don’t we do the logical thing and when not have monogamy, but instead practice polygamy in the teenage and young adult years of our lives? We aren’t generally intending to create steady families out of our relationships and so why isn’t a relationship just an excuse to experiment and “get action,” to use a crude term. Maybe though the reason we get into relationships at all is to practice, not for sexual acts, but to practice for marriage and learning to live a life devoted to one person.

If we take the second postulate as fact and apply it, then how should the significant other be treated comes into question. What kind of treatment do they deserve? Are they really just another friend who you like to kiss on occasion? And if they aren’t just a friend and that’s the reason that you’re in this relationship with them, because you “like” them, or you are “in love” with them, how then do you treat them in relation to your other friends? Do you have to always be together; do you need to see each other every day; is talking to each other for seven hours in a row a day a bit excessive or just right; if your friends want to do something Saturday night, but so does your girlfriend, who do you chose; how does being in a relationship change your life?

Is there a limit to how much time is too much spent together with a girlfriend? Can that be answered? For me at least I know I want to spend a much time as possible with my girlfriend as possible, that’s why we’re dating, because I like to spend time with her. And so the simple answer would be that no, there is no limit. But what about your other friends? You like to spend time with them too. How can you divide your time between the two without making the other jealous? And that delicate balance is one of those things that have to be maintained. Because relationships have to include alone time, they can’t just be social gatherings where two people happen to go together all the time.

For me, the balance that should be achieved is crucial. One can never forget your friends, but what about your girlfriend? And this can explain why relationships are so hard, and why everyone feels jealousy. If someone is being taken away from a group of friends by someone else, or someone is being taken away from someone else by a group of friends the tensions on both sides will become wound up.

I don’t really know what to conclude this with, I feel like I’m talking in circles really and just coming back to the same thing over and over, so I’ll get on with it.

If you want to be a guest contributor, by the way, April and I have agreed on this plan: Email one of us (depending on your gender, if you’re a guy, email me, if you’re a girl, email April) with what you want to be posted and include your name (unless you feel strongly about being anonymous) and we’ll post with the title of guest contributor.

My email address is:
dmaclaur@nycap.rr.com
April’s email address is:
watermelon404@gmail.com