Public Service Announcement.

Duncan and I are juniors. It is almost May. Therefore, we are DYING. So, the blog will have to be put on hiatus until after AP week, Prom, SATs and SAT IIs, etc. We'll hopefully be back in two weeks.

Guest posts are still welcome, if you are lucky and don't have a crapload of stuff to do in the coming month.

Girls to: watermelon404@gmail.com
Guys to: dmaclaur@nycap.rr.com

I’m really pretty passionate about this topic: HONEST ≠ MEAN.

It really pisses me off when people aren’t straightforward with things that need to be straightforward. If someone likes you and they make it clear, it’s up to you to let them know how you feel, straight up. If you like them at first and then change your mind, it is DEFINITELY your responsibility to let them know, straight up. Otherwise, you’re leading them on, or continuing on with something that isn’t true anymore.

Of course, sometimes, the other person can detect your change of heart, but in my experience, they either a) don’t detect anything, b) are in denial about it, or c) misinterpret everything. So, my advice is to tell it like it is anyway. Just in case.

I’ve always been a big proponent of this. If someone likes you, and you don’t like them TELL THEM. Do not make them think there is a possibility that you could like them, don’t make them think you like them, and god forbid, do not be crazy flirtacious with them. It’s NOT MEAN to tell them the truth. You’re not breaking their heart; you’re letting them down early and quick and easy. If you keep going, leading them on, it’s going to be harder to let them down and the effects will be much worse. THAT will break their heart.

It just really annoys me when people say that they can’t let someone down because it would be too mean. It’s not mean. It’s honest and a helluva lot nicer than lying to them about how you feel. No one wants to be played.

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong in doing what you want because you’ll be happier with it. If you want to go for some girl, but you’re kind of committed to another, choose one, and let the other know immediately. Don’t woo two girls at once. Don’t feel like a jerk for switching girls too quickly, but definitely consider yourself a jackass if you aren’t upfront about it as soon as you know what you want.

Basically, don’t be afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s how this stuff works. And remember that being honest is not being mean. Being mean is lying to yourself and everyone else about everything.

HONESTY: be honest, it's not mean.

So, today’s topic (yeah, I know it isn’t Sunday. April and I were bored, and felt that, you, the devoted reader deserved another blogging before Sunday) is all about honesty. I guess mostly in relationships, but in everything really.

So, in my opinion, honesty is one of the most important virtues to have. Not skirting around difficult issues when they need to be addressed, not making up half-truths, and not lying in anyway. I try to hold myself up to my standard. I try not to put too much padding on what I say, and sometimes, a lot of times, it makes me come off as blunt, as callous, all those type of adjectives. But, I believe in the better interest of society, of people, of the world, my attempt to tell the truth in what I do is a good thing.

Right now, of course I’m talking very generally about the issue of lying. But, that is because, to relate lying to relationships I believe that it needs to be first supported outside of relationships. You can’t just be a truthful person to your significant other and then lie to all your friends about how much you and your partner had sex over the weekend. It doesn’t work like that. Well, actually, it sometimes does, but that’s beside the point. The point is that lying, in whatever shape or form, whether it is for ill or good, is not a good thing to do. Lying to protect someone isn’t helping them, it isn’t helping simplify the situation or dull the pain. It is only making the later revelation of the truth that much harsher. That of course assumes that the person who was lied to finds out the truth later, but even if this isn’t the case, the issue still stands as it isn’t just an issue of someone’s feelings being hurt more by lying to them, but as a moral issue that should be eliminated all together.

Now, I’m not going to say that all lying is necessarily totally bad. Sometimes it has its merits, but, no matter the merits of the situation that lying is conveying, I don’t think it is the proper course of action.

To reference the title of this post: Well, I don’t know if honesty is never mean, though that could depend on your definition of mean. It can easily be mean, calling someone fat (when they actually are), saying someone’s hair is a mess (when it really is). But, the way that honesty is delivered is one of the ways in which this gruffness can be combated. By calling an obese person fat you aren’t actually helping them by telling the truth. But, in theory, the truth can be helpful in that, in the example of the obese person, it can get them to realize that, yes, they are overweight and that they need to do something about it. And that can help the situation.

Of course, this doesn’t always happen, sometimes the truth is just something that is truthful, and not something that is necessary for personal improvement.

Ok, I feel that I’m getting sort of really general here, let me try to figure out what I’m trying to say really…

Ok. So, I don’t know, a lot of that is just really repetitive. So, onto relationship honesty:

In a relationship, one of the most important things that can happen is that the couple can share a bond of trust. This doesn’t mean that you need to tell each other every little detail of each other’s lives, but that you can trust the person to be there for you, to listen to you, to help you. This of course can develop in friendship as well. But the important thing about this trust is that it should be honest. It shouldn’t involve you always saying your significant other looks good in that pair of pants, when really, they don’t look good in them. Honesty should be paramount in that you can say anything and it can be accepted as truth. The other major point of relationships where honesty is important is in breaking up, as April and I dealt with on Sunday. But I’ll recap: when breaking up be honest about the reason why, don’t give lame excuses and reason you two can’t be together anymore. It’s never appreciated and doesn’t come off as sincere or truthful at all. So, just tell the truth.

Alright, to finish I’m going to talk about my biggest paradox in my advocacy of honesty: I’m both really sarcastic and I tell a lot of jokes. Now, a lot of the time, sarcasm and jokes deal with untrue subject matter and those make up my biggest paradox in terms of honesty. I am willing to tell almost anyone I know almost anything if they ask it of me, but I well berate, insult, belittle and be sarcastic to almost anyone as well. And most of the time, the things I say are not true, I don’t mean what I say, but, is that really an excuse for what I do? Eh, not really. But that is a discussion for another time really.

Dumping...dun, dun, dunnnn. (bring on the waterworks! lots of ice cream too!)

This topic came up a couple weeks ago at school, because apparently it was a health class assignment to write about how you’d want to be dumped or something? I personally have never been officially dumped, but I’ve never really been in much of a relationship before either. I do, however, know how I’d want to be dumped and how I would dump someone else.

Unless you’re in a messed up relationship, I would expect you can tell when a breakup is about to happen. Maybe things aren’t going well, or you never really talk or the fabulosity that your relationship once was isn’t there anymore. If that was the case, I’d say it’d be a “mutual breakup.” Some dispute that such a thing actually exists, but I believe it’s 100% possible. This would be my ideal breakup: sitting down and talking, and coming to the conclusion that you’re just not right for eachother. Sure it will be hard and there will be tears but it’s all on good terms.

But ideal breakups don’t always happen. In our imperfect world, things happen. Like, maybe you and your sig. other get into a huge fight, and one person screams “IT’S OVER!!” (like they do in movies) and you cry and wallow in anger and self-pity. Once you get over the initial shock, closure is totally necessary. You have to decide to move on without the anger emotion clouding your thoughts.

If your sig. other cheats on you, I guess it’s up to you to decide on giving second chances or not. On principle, I would say no way in hell do they deserve a second chance, but at the same time, I would totally probably give one anyway. It’s probably bad. But what can I say?

Anyway. I would prefer to be dumped in person. I would also prefer to dump someone else in person. It’s just so much more real, not to mention respectful. Over the phone is the tiniest step down from in person, so if you’re going to do that, why not just take the extra ounce of effort and meet them face to face? The worst ways to dump are facebook, email and texting. Texting is just a huge slap in the face. Like could you please care enough to at least dump me in person? And facebook. If you want your breakup all over the internet, be my guest and let everyone see the comment that ends your relationship. My problem with email is that the time you send the email and the time it’s received do not coincide at all. So when you’re done with the relationship, they don’t know it yet, and that’s just weird. Finally, there’s AIM. I know it’s not the best way, but sometimes it’s the only way. Maybe it’s impersonal, but it’s a way to get all your thoughts and feelings out at once, with an immediate response. In person, you can’t say everything at once. Emotions and the person’s response could totally inhibit that.

When I was talking about this a couple weeks ago, I was asked what I would actually say. It all depends on how the person reacts. But I’d start with, “I think we should break up.” Simple as that. But then, one of the guys I was talking to said that saying “I think” would be unfair, because they could say “I think we should stay together” and they couldn’t really have their wish. If I were to break up with someone, there is no way that I would let myself be convinced to change my mind. I would go in with the intention of breaking up and come out of it newly single, without a doubt. I also don’t think I could ever break up impulsively; I don’t trust myself enough to do that. I’d be afraid of regretting my decision later.

If I were to be dumped, I’d want the reason to be sincere and a good one. I’d want the person to be sensitive and caring about it. But then again, if the reason was jerky and stupid, I’d have a better reason to hate the guy. But in all honesty, I wouldn’t want to hate the guy. Which brings me to my next and final topic....

Staying friends after the breakup. It’s possible, it really is. But I think it’s more likely if the two of you were friends before the relationship. If you guys met and immediately started dating, it’d be harder to be friends afterwards since you were never friend before. I hate the idea that a relationship, something that is good, can potentially end something like a friendship. Of course, it takes time after a breakup to be friends again, but if you let the hard feelings and awkwardness subside, it can happen.

So I lied. I just thought of one more little thing. Never regret a relationship you were in. For that matter, never regret anything. But seriously, if you had never been in that relationship, no matter how good or bad it was, you wouldn’t be the same person you are after the fact. Just sayin’.

What happens when you get dumped!? Oh no!

How to dump someone. If you were being dumped, what kinds of things would piss you off, what kinds of things would you prefer (AIM vs in person vs phone, etc), is it possible to still be friends, where would you do it? At their house or on a date?

So, we’re back, finally. This weekly blogging thing is much easier. But now we basically never update. Anyway, back to the updating.

So, that’s the topic up there at the top, it’s a good question, and one which I’m sure many people have asked themselves. So, I guess I’ll just answer the questions that are posed in the topic:

So, what things would I prefer and what don’t I like about getting dumped? Well, if you’re going to dump someone the best way to do it, in my mind is in person, in a neutral place that doesn’t make the situation awkward. Like, you can’t do it in a place that neither of you can leave; therefore, no dumping your significant other on a boat. You get the idea. If both of you have ways of leaving with little attention brought to the fact that you’re leaving then that is best possible situation, at least in my mind. This is of course only really important for breaking up when you either want to remain friends (which I’ll talk about later) or you just don’t want to make a scene. So, like the topic says, you don’t want to have to break up with someone at their house, it puts one person on the defensive anyway, because they don’t live there, and if they are the one being broken up with then they have to leave their now exes house. And that’s just awkward. The only time it might be acceptable to break up with someone at their house is if the person doing the breaking up is leaving and breaks up with the person who lives in the house. That way there is already a leaving motion and it can be continued and not awkward, or at least not as bad. But really, anything that involves the two of you alone, like a date or at a house is a bad idea.

That doesn’t mean though that breaking up should be public, but you shouldn’t be so alone that you both can’t run off to your respective friends, or at least other people. So, you can’t break up while you’re on a date, or really right after one, unless it went badly, then it can happen. But if you break up after a date that seems to go well the dumpee is going to feel really bad. Basically you don’t want to give false hope when you’re on the verge of breaking up. In theory, perfectly, both parties should know it is coming and understand where it is coming from. This of course doesn’t always happen. This is why when you are dumping someone, or even if you are being dumped, you want to talk about it with the other person. Don’t just let it happen and then later wonder what was wrong. If you don’t know, ask about it. Because if you understand what was wrong you can either fix it for yourself and future relationships, or just know and not have to wonder about it forever.

So, I basically covered how to break up, whether in person or on the phone or online. The best way is definitely in person. Though, that can depend on how the person is going to react of course. A phone could be easier just because it can provide more distance. But, I think that generally breaking up should be done in person, face to face, so that you can actually talk about what happened or whatever.

So, finally, is it possible to still be friends. Well, I’d say it is. I’m best friends with one girl who broke up with me and good friends with another. Of course, I’ve also dated one person three times and so we broke up, and then got back together about a year later, and then the same thing happened again. But, we remained friends through all of that so I don’t think you can say it can’t be done. But, depending on the relationship itself, as well as the previous connection before the relationship started it could affect how well exes can still be friends. If the relationship was something that involved a lot of friends like activity, then eventually I think that the couple can be friends. Not immediately of course. You do need some time apart just to not make it really weird. But, you can go about your normal business pretty easily and still be friends with the person after a break up in that case. But, if the relationship was mostly based on relationship type things, going on dating and being all lovey and stuff, then it’s much harder to be friends. So, basically, if you’re friends with your significant other outside of dating them, then yeah, you’ll probably be able to still be friends, otherwise it’s a lot harder.

So, I think that’s enough about that. I need to go to sleep, I have work in the morning.

Ladder Theory! Yay climbing?

So, ladder theory. Now, I’ve known about, or at least I read the website that April posted, a couple of years ago. So I know all about ladder theory, at least in theory. Haha

Anyway, ladder theory is basically a way to look at how both men and women look at and judge people they are attracted to. I’d suggest reading the site posted on April’s post because I don’t want to explain it all.

So, ladder theory in my opinion has both its strong points and its faults. On the surface it seems to me to be a pretty sound idea. People place other people on “ladders” in rank order depending on how much they are attracted to the person. Or really how much the person wants to have sex with the person they are judging. Of course, judging from April and my posts a while ago, sex isn’t the only thing on guy’s minds, or on a girl’s. So, that’s problem number one with ladder theory. I do have to say though, that the general idea, that people either consciously or subconsciously place others on ladders in their minds based on the amount they want to have sex with them is interesting. I think, while all of ladder theory might not be totally correct, parts of it can certainly be truthful.

Some more faults of ladder theory: The pie charts depicting the ways that men and women place people on the ladder. Now, I don’t know if that is entirely true. I think that for me, where I’m not trying to have sex with every woman I meet, makes things different for the chart of how I place people on the ladder. But in the “real world” I don’t know how that is going to actually work out really in terms of attraction. I do think though that there is a definite way that both guys and girls size up other people they meet and then they place them on a ladder. Now, this criterion might change for each person, and that would actually make a lot of sense instead of it being a blanket percentage for each sex with what they find attractive.

Now, they way that the website further breaks down how women find men attractive seems to me, from a male standpoint to be somewhat true. While possibly not always true, I don’t think that money and power are really the only things going for guys, granted, I think it’s pretty accurate a lot of the time. But, in general it isn’t the only thing, not truly. Maybe outwardly it is, but a lot of the time it really isn’t that important and the girl actually likes the guy based on his personality and not because he has 13 cars and 20 million dollars of cash to spend on her.

I do agree though with the way that the attraction category of the woman’s pie chart is broken down. I think that definitely the things that are described do play a role. But, I also think that it isn’t entirely true because, like I said, it isn’t like women don’t care about a guy’s personality. Now, I know with some girls that those factors do play into the girl finding the guy attractive, but the actual want to be with the guy, and date him or whatever isn’t caused by this. It’s caused by other things than just him being rich and being “cool.” Now, granted, this is only for so many girls that I know. I’m sure that a lot of people fit the stereotype.

In terms of the ladders and how they work, I agree with them, as I said before. I think that in terms of the guy’s ladder, it’s pretty accurate. But there are of course factors into how the guy is going to approach the women on his ladder, because he might know that someone of them definitely aren’t going to want him and still be high on his ladder. I know this happens with me.

The way the woman’s ladder is set up is also in my mind pretty try. The two ladder idea, with one being a “friend zone” type idea. I think this is pretty true. Now, maybe, again it doesn’t apply to everyone, but, generally I think that the idea that there are two separate ladders for a lot of girls is true. I don’t know if I think that you are immediately put on one or the other when you first meet someone, but I do think that it is very hard to move from friend’s ladder to attraction ladder.

The last point and one of the last parts of the website, deals with women not being able to be friends with guys. I think that is this false for a number of reasons. Well, actually, it could be true for a lot of people. But, for me at least the three things that are listed as having to be true for guys to be friends with girls don’t really work. I am neither gay, not attracted to some of my female friends, or placing other real people way above many of them on my “ladder.” I think this comes down to me not being a mindless sex wanting robot. And since I’m not that, I can balance my attraction for a girl with my friendship with her. Now, granted, as the website suggests, I’d probably totally have sex with a lot of my friends who are girls if it was totally not strings attached. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be friends with them in any way. Because unless they’re offering, I know better than to cross that line because I’m not stupid.

Ok, so this is a really super long post. Almost a thousand words, which is pretty sweet. But, I think I’m going to finish up because I’ve pretty much exhausted my brain of ideas about the topic. But, I’m sure I’ll think of something else once I actually read April’s post.

Check this out: The Ladder Theory

One of my friends pointed out this website to me:
Ladder Theory

If you go through and read the whole thing, it brings up some interesting points. I don’t really agree with most of them.

First, it says that the thing women care about most in a man is money/power. And that we say we care about sense of humor/sensitivity/intelligence/etc but we actually don’t. That’s retarded. Of course there are women who will marry someone for his money, but they’re what we call golddiggers. I don’t believe that women care more about wealth than personality. It’s kind of insulting and full of crap.

It also says: “A guy who is a complete asshole to a woman seems to somehow look better to them.” Again, not true. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. I think I speak for both sexes when I say that attraction to one’s personality makes them more physically attractive.

I think a lot of the arguments this website makes come from women who are unsure of what they want and probably somewhat immature. Like, that women want a guy who deals drugs because he’s more interesting? I mean, sure once in a while, we can date “bad boys.” But in the end, we’re going to find someone who isn’t screwed up. I think it takes a certain level of maturity to realize that “exciting” boyfriends aren’t actually that great.

Well. In going through this website more, I realize it’s more about who you’ll have sex with as opposed to be in a relationship with. So the whole theory is based on a rating system which differs between the sexes, and when you see someone, you rate them, and the higher their rating, the higher they are on the ladder. The higher they are on the ladder, the more you want to have sex with them....What a dumb theory.

But anyway, it goes on to talk about women and how we have not one, but two ladders. One is for guys who are just friends who will never “get to have sex with her.” And if a guy is on the friends ladder, but doesn’t know it, and he makes a move on the girl, she’ll shut him down. I kind of can’t argue with this one. There are just some guys that aren’t dateable. And Duncan and I have discussed this before, though not necessarily on the blog. It’s called the “friend zone” and it just means that that level of attraction is not there. I guess it does suck if you like someone and they don’t see you as more than a friend or brother/sister type.

The website says that if a girl says any of the following to a guy, he should realize he’s on the friend ladder: “You’re like a brother to me,” “You’re like a big teddy bear,” “I feel like I can talk to you about anything,” “You’re so nice,” and “Can you help me with my homework?” The first two, I agree with. Obviously, a girl isn’t going to date her brother/brother-like figure. The rest don’t mean anything. I don’t see how they give any clue as to whether a guy is in the “friend zone” or not.

This Ladder Theory also states that women cannot have guy friends. WHAT A LIE. I would die if I didn’t have guy friends. It does qualify the argument by saying:
There are exactly 3 cases whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:
1. The guy is gay
2. The guy does not find you attractive
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder
Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:
1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.
2. Comply.

This website is ridiculously and obnoxiously hilarious. But I still think there are times when the guy can be straight, single and find a girl attractive, but not be attracted to her. Like, to the point where having sex would just be awkward. So, I’m officially completely disagreeing with this theory.

I think this is enough talk about the Ladder Theory for one night. There’s a TON of stuff on the website we could talk about, and we probably will at some point.

Prommmmm-oh-omm-oh-ommmm...??

Prom is a huge deal. I don’t really know why, but it just is. And part of prom is getting dates.

Duncan basically said everything already.

I don’t know how I feel about getting a date for the sake of getting a date. That seems like you’re using the person just to go to prom and have some arm candy. But then again, I can’t blame people who do that, because I would do it too. Though I wouldn’t go with someone I wasn’t gonna have fun with. But I would also probably have fun with almost anyone. But for those people who don’t have a certain person in mind, should they even care about getting a date? What happened to all those uplifting pep talks (thank you duncan) about going stag and being independent and all that good stuff? No one wants to do that. I think I’d rather skip prom than go alone. If everyone else has dates, what are you supposed to do by yourself?

I think the best thing to do for prom is to go as friends. That way, you don’t have to worry about what the other person wants from you and you can have a good time. You’re also not obligated to spend the whole time with your date.

I would imagine it’s really awkward if you get asked by someone who likes you that you don’t like back. If they expect you to fall in love with them by the end of prom night, you’re just not going to have a good time. Unless you actually do fall in love with them.

I think it’s stupid to ask someone to prom because you want to go out with them eventually. Prom askings go on waaaaay before the actual dance; what if you don’t like them anymore by prom night? Unless you’re the kind of person who likes the same person for years and years, which I most certainly am not.

But for those who are hopeful enough to believe that a miracle will happen because of prom night regarding you and your date, I can’t help but root for you. It’d be like a movie!!! :] But I imagine prom as, like, a Cinderella type ball where you wear a pretty gown and get swept off your feet by a dashing prince (haha) and the whole night is very fairy-tale like and fantastic.

If you’re planning on “making a move” ( to use Duncan’s words) on prom night, though, I think that’s a little crazy. Make your move before prom and then just enjoy yourself on prom night. Don’t wait for one night just because it’s a crazy insane high school dance. If you want something to happen, make it happen now. The fact that prom is weeks away is just an excuse for you to postpone a bold and probably scary move. Some may argue that asking someone to prom is a bold and scary move, and maybe it is, but it doesn’t accomplish much. All you’re doing is asking a question and hoping they answer correctly. There’s no further interaction other than limo planning and apparel matching.

That’s probably off-topic. Duncan is yelling at me to wrap up, and I probably should. The point is, in ten or twenty years, it’s not going to matter who you took, what you did, if you got the girl (or guy) but whether you had a good time. So just set that as your goal, and you’re golden.

A topic about Prom. Yay!...?

So, April and I decided to create an actual list of future topics for a while now, so we have an actual topic that can be specified:

Prom: Date for the sake of a date? What about going as friends? Asking to prom with intention of going out later? (As in, "will you go to prom with me? By that I mean I like you")

So, this topic is an interesting one. Prom is one of those things that it seems everyone is thinking about this time of year. But, what is prom really? Is it just another dance, except you have to get extra dressed up? Or is it something special where you should ask the love of your life to?

I guess that isn’t really addressing the question, but I think it ties into it. I think that some of the way that you view what prom is can change what you think of taking a date to prom. If you feel that prom is something very special, and all that jazz, maybe asking someone to prom, or taking someone to prom has that much more connection for you than for you than for someone who feels that prom is just another dance and are just taking a date as a friend.

But then comes the question, can it really be just defined by these two polar opposites. Where one side has to think that asking someone to prom is basically telling them you like them and then other side believes that going to prom as just friends is perfectly normal, and maybe even better.

Of course it can’t be that simple, we as humans have way too many emotions and such things that keep us from being that logical about such things as prom. I guess then we should look as what I believe. What I think about the whole situation; because that is where I’m going to be able to provide input, whereas if I just talk in the abstract it will be just that, abstract and possibly boring or uninformative.

So, I can see both arguments being made. That prom is a dance where you should be asking someone you like as opposed to just going as friends with someone. It has a connotation as being a “special night” whatever that may mean, depending on your idea of special and your preferred movie dealing with high school situations. But, one concurrent theme in these stereotypes is that prom is special and to make it perfect you have to take your crush and you two have to fall in love that night. Of course, now I’m sounding like April after she’s watched a particularly sappy movie. But, there is a valid point, the conventional wisdom that prom is a special night can possibly help to advance you toward a goal of getting closer to the person you like.

Of course, with all of this complicated liking the person you’re going to prom with comes the possibility that you stop liking them, or that they don’t like you and that the rest of the night becomes seriously awkward, or something to that effect. Which could be one of the reasons for the cornucopia of teenage drinking that occurs at prom, or before prom, or after prom. But, I digress. Wouldn’t this be able to be very easily solved by just taking someone who is your friend to prom? You have no expectations; you can just have a good time. You know you will with them, you’re good friends. And this can make the night both less “special” and more fun. Now, I’m again technically speaking in the abstract since I haven’t been to prom yet, but I think that I’m judging the situation in a way that is both logical and fair.

So, maybe one way to look at the situation is how you want to place your bet. One the one hand, the date that you take could be someone who you like and have intentions of “making a move” on during the night, whatever that may mean to you; or your date could be a good friend who you’ll have a good time with no matter what. On the one hand you could be utterly ruined in both any sort of friendship with the person as well as chance with them, and it could ruin both of your prom’s; on the other hand you could not have the chance, the easy chance, to make yourself known to the other person and to get a favorable outcome.

So, it’s the gamble between the risk and the safe bet.

How are we mysterious? All we want to do is make out.

Really, though, those excerpts from the article that April mentioned in her previous post seem to pretty accurately reflect guys, at least in my opinion. Now, a lot of what is said in the article (the parts that aren’t the guys being quoted) are generalizations which are true a lot of the time. Yeah, sometimes I think about making out with girls; a lot actually. But that doesn’t mean that it actually is really my sole purpose in life.

April brings up a good point, it turns her off to guys when she thinks about them only wanting to make out and have sex and stuff. Now, granted, I think that is a little bit of a hyperbole, and also doesn’t apply to everyone I’m sure, but I think that it can explain one of the reasons that guys act differently than we think, or at least how Seventeen thinks we think.

So, April does have a point, we definitely don’t totally think like that all the time. But the idea that guys are like the ones in movies and on TV, who are the “perfect” guy and stuff is definitely not true. Sure, we want an emotional connection to, we aren’t that stupid as to just want to have sex and make out all the time. Really, we aren’t that shallow. But, think that the way that a lot of guys express their love, like, attraction, whatever is different than girls and that gives an impression that we just want to make out.

So, I’ll respond to some specific things April complained about:

“BRAIN SCAN: Find out what he’s really thinking when you’re...cuddling
“I’m basically thinking about how warm and soft she is. After a while, I get bored just cuddling, and I start to feel antsy. That’s when I’m thinking about how I want to touch her breast.” - Aaron, 19

Again, kind of annoying. Like, can guys just not think about things like that?”

Ok, so while yes, I can see where Aaron is coming from with this, and I can see where April is coming from. I don’t think it is a really entirely accurate reflection of guys as a whole. Sure, sometimes you’re restless and don’t want to just be comfortable. But, a lot of the time, at least for me, just being comfortable on a girl is really nice. And generally, I don’t think about anything unless I’m trying to get something going. If I’m just there to watch a movie and I’m lying on my girlfriend or whoever, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to always turn my thinking to the girls breasts.

But I’m just speaking for myself.

“But that’s not to say guys aren’t doing things right. There are plenty of things guys do that are adorable. Like...

[at the movies] “If it’s the first date, all I’m thinking about isi what to do when. Do you hold her hand or put your arm around her? How do you transition your arm from your side to around her shoulder? What does she want you do to do? Honestly, the movie is the last thing on my mind.” -Isaac, 20
and
[at the end of the night] “I’m probably kicking myself for spilling something at dinner or being clumsy. At the same time, I just hope she likes me. If she stalls when we get back to her place, I’ll go in for a kiss. It’s nerve-racking, but I try to play it cool.” -Garrett, 18"

I agree with April, these two guys are pretty cute. And I definitely agree with them. Both of those things are definitely things that I think about. Especially the movies, what do you do? Because holding hands, or arm around the shoulders can be either right or really awkward and you want to find the right thing to do, but that’s a difficult thing to do. And to the second part, yeah, definitely guys do stupid things a lot. And we’ll worry about little things we did that might throw stuff off in our minds. Because, especially when a guy is taking a girl out somewhere, even if they are actually dating and like each other, anything stupid the guy does is going to be noticed by the girl and we don’t want to be seen as less than perfect.

Ok. So I think I’m about done posting to tonight. Check out both April’s post and the new guest post as well.

another guest post!

Hey everyone,

I’m Cyril the newest addition to this strange and philosophical blog, if that’s what you want to call it. There are a million things I could write about but I think for this post I’ll talk about the thing that aggravates me most about the female gender.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to put women down in any way whatsoever, but I guess its just some things don’t make too much sense to me. First of all id like to talk about the fact that most girls our age wear a pound of makeup resulting in a look that’s extremely unnatural. I guess some guys think this is alright but in my mind it’s unnecessary to look unlike what you are when you first wakeup. The thing that frustrates me most of all is the whole black eye look, maybe its purpose is just to draw attention to the eye, but in my mind you just look like someone punched you in the face. Some individuals specifically in our school put so much makeup on that they look similar to a toy doll, something completely unnatural and fake. The way I see it you cant hid whatever is underneath it all which is your personality.

Second on the list of nuisances is the fact that girls seem to be the more stressed of the two genders. There’s always this mysterious term “Drama” that seems to be on the minds of every teenage girl. I don’t see how the concept of relaxing is so difficult to every human being. Simply closing your eyes and listening to whatever sort of music you enjoy is enough to get your mind in a relaxed state. Worrying about who’s going out with who or what happened on last nights One Tree Hill has nothing to do with your life. You achieve nothing by worrying, and your only making yourself more stressed out. The simplest thing you can do is just sit down and take a deep breath and just think about your life, where you have gone, not what other people are up to. Figure out your life first and then you can aid the others around you.

The biggest disappointment that I find in most high school girls is the fact that they seem more apt to due drugs. I don’t really have a problem with individuals drinking alcohol or getting high, but when girls complain that they were taken advantage of I get really annoyed. When its to a point when you drink week after week and get high almost every day, you forget the real purpose of your life. Most people throw away their lives when they take drugs that often, your throwing away your high school education (which I don’t think is very important) but most of all your throwing away your chance to get into a good school in college, and becoming something more than just an average person. There’s no reason that by the time you are 15 or 16 you don’t have the self responsibility to watch what the heck your doing. If you decide to make the decision of going to a drinking party expect that there will be many drunk people there and several people who you might have never met before.

Some of the stuff here may be a little controversial but whatever, that’s the point of a blog to see what other people think and then get a common view of what you are trying to talk about

-Cyril

The Mysterious World of GUYS

Last week, we talked about how girls may or may not have a secret code. Conveniently enough, there’s a article in the May 2008 issue of Seventeen magazine called, “INSIDE the secret world of GUYS.” Seventeen magazine, in my opinion, isn’t usually as blunt about how guys only want sex as they are in this particular article. Maybe because this article is mostly actual guys talking.

But as a girl, how am I supposed to respond to what this article says? Personally, it’s kind of turns me off to guys as a whole. Here, lemme show you.

“What he really means!”
HE SAYS: “Do you want to hang out at my house tonight?”
HE MEANS: “Let’s hook up.” This guy isn’t inviting you over to watch a movie -- he wants to make out with you until your parents call and tell you it’s time to come home.

HE SAYS: “Seriously, I”ve been thinking about you all day.”
HE MEANS: “Seriously, I”ve been thinking about making out with you all day.” Or at least that’s what he’s been thinking about from the moment you walked into the room and distracted him from his video games!


I mean, this entire thing bugs me. First of all, I was perfectly content with believing that guys really are like the perfect romantic guys in chick flicks. Oh, Seventeen, why did you have to ruin it for me? I refuse to believe that all guys want is to make out with you. That’s just stupid. Maybe it’s true, but it’s not all they want. (And by that, I do not mean sex. I mean like a real emotional connection.)

BRAIN SCAN: Find out what he’s really thinking when you’re...cuddling
“I’m basically thinking about how warm and soft she is. After a while, I get bored just cuddling, and I start to feel antsy. That’s when I’m thinking about how I want to touch her breast.” - Aaron, 19

Again, kind of annoying. Like, can guys just not think about things like that?

But that’s not to say guys aren’t doing things right. There are plenty of things guys do that are adorable. Like...

[at the movies] “If it’s the first date, all I’m thinking about isi what to do when. Do you hold her hand or put your arm around her? How do you transition your arm from your side to around her shoulder? What does she want you do to do? Honestly, the movie is the last thing on my mind.” -Isaac, 20
and
[at the end of the night] “I’m probably kicking myself for spilling something at dinner or being clumsy. At the same time, I just hope she likes me. If she stalls when we get back to her place, I’ll go in for a kiss. It’s nerve-racking, but I try to play it cool.” -Garrett, 18

All in all, I highly, highly, highly recommend checking this article out. If nothing else, it’s hilarious. If you don’t learn anything about the male species, at least you’ll get a good laugh out of it. And guys, maybe you can validate some of the claims made in it as well.

Freakonomics

I'm reading Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner and came across something interesting that sort of relates to this blog.

In a section in the book about online dating sites, there was something that caught my eye:

[In talking about what traits on your profile you list get you the most responses] "The traits that do draw a big response, meanwhile, will not be a big surprise to anyone with even a passing knowledge of the sexes. In fact, the preferences expressed by online daters fit snugly with the most common stereotypes about men and women.
"For instance, men who say they want a long-term relationship do much better than men looking for an occasional lover. but women looking for an occasional lover do great. For men, a woman's looks are of paramount importance. For women, a man's income is terribly important. The richer a man is, the more e-mails he receives. But a woman's income appeal is a bell-shaped curve: men do not want to date low-earning women, but once a woman starts earning too much, they seem to be scared off. Men want to date students, artists, musicians, veterinarians, and celebrities (while avoiding secretaries, retirees, and women in the military and law enforcement). Women do want to date military men, policemen, and firemen (possibly the result of a 9/11 Effect, like the higher payments to Paul Feldman's bagel business), along with lawyers and financial executives. Woman avoid laborers, actors, students, and men who work in food services or hospitality. For men, being short is a big disadvantage (which is probably why so many lie about it), but weight doesn't much matter. for women, being overweight is deadly (which is probably why they lie). For a man, having red hair or curly hair is a downer, as is baldness--but a shaved head is okay. For a woman, salt-and-pepper hair is bad, while blond hair is very good. In the world of online dating, a headful of blond hair on a woman is worth about the same as having a college degree--and, with a $100 dye job versus a $100,000 tuition bill, and awful lot cheaper."


So, the conclusion that this book has is that at least when anonymous in online dating sites, men and woman are stereotypical in their attraction toward the opposite sex. Men want beautiful blonds who aren't making more money than them, and woman want powerful, tall men who are making lots of money.