A continuation and completion, because it's necessary

Since my first post of the day was pretty much pointless, I'll respond to Duncan's and delve into the subject further.

Firstly, I know that guys aren't always independent. But that's the way the stereotype goes. Guys can often be far needier than girls. And on a less extreme level, that's one thing I love, guys being more vulnerable. I mean, girls need to feel like they're needed, rather than as someone who always depends on the guy. Guys and girls need each other, for sure, without a doubt. I mean, that's part of the reason people get into relationships -- to have someone there for you.

Personally, I need people with me about 50% of the time. In my experience, if you act like no one is watching you, then no one is. What do I care if people are looking at me? I look at other people all the time, probably making some of them feel self-conscious. So who am I to try to stop them from staring at me? But the 50% of the time when I do need people, it's because there is strength in numbers, as I said before. It's like a system of security and backup. So, as long as you're not crazy insistent on people with you EVERYWHERE, there's nothing wrong with bringing friends with you wherever you go when you want.

I also agree that it has to do with both pride and self-consciousness. Pride for those who walk alone, to have no need for company, and self-consciousness for those who need people....Or maybe pride for those who need people because they can show off their pack of followers, and self-consciousness for those who don't need people, because they are too shameful to ask for company?

What a conundrum.

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Off to the bathroom I go, with forty of my closest friends...

Why do girl’s travel in packs everywhere and why guys can go to the bathroom alone. Those are the topics of tonight.

I don’t really know what I can add to April’s post. I would assume the fact that many girls do things in packs is because of self esteem issues, or not wanting to be vulnerable or the kind of things April talked about. Maybe it’s because a lot of girls always need someone to talk to, even when they go to the bathroom, and so they go in packs and instead of using the bathroom as a bathroom they go in there and talk and gossip and do their makeup and stuff. But of course if this functionality of a bathroom is going to be used then you can’t be going alone. And that could help explain somewhat of what this phenomenon is caused by. But, I’m no expert on this, so please, if you think you know (or actually do know, because you’re a girl, please explain).

Onto something I do know more about though. Why guys don’t need to be so dependent. The way April talked in her post seemed to make guys out to be only for doing things alone, or that they never need someone else. But, I think both guys and girls can both be intimidated by something or just want someone to talk to, or to be part of a crowd and not stand out and be seen. These thoughts and emotions at times can play on both sexes and both therefore will sometimes need the pack mentality. But, what about the general stereotype, that guys do things alone and don’t need anyone. As I just said, that isn’t really true, but it does happen a lot. I don’t ever need four of my guy friends to go to the bathroom with me when I go to the bathroom; I don’t have a problem going to something by myself even if I don’t know anyone is going that I know if I’m interested enough in the topic; I don’t have a problem walking across a crowded room by myself if I need to get somewhere else.

Maybe this has something to do with a sense of self worth, or pride, or on the opposite end, shame, or guilt. But these emotions should in theory affect both sexes equally. Why then do men not care so much about exposing themselves to being alone whereas girls have to be with other people or they feel exposed? I don’t know if I can really answer that question. Sure, I guess I’m sort of sneaking out of answering a question, but I don’t know why that is. I can give possible reasons why, but all of them in my mind seem too stereotypical or only applicable to select groups of girls or guys that they don’t make sense in a broader context.

So, I have to leave it up to the experience of our readers, because I can’t speak for everyone and so I need some outside input to verify or deny April and my ideas.

Independent girl = oxymoron?

Duncan came up with a genius idea for another topic: Why do girls travel in packs?

To be honest, I have no idea. What I want to know is, why don't guys travel in packs?

But anyway, maybe this plays into the gender stereotype. Girls need other girls to accompany them to the bathroom because they need to be dependent on someone else. Men, who are supposed to be non-needy and strong, don't need to depend on others. This is why dependent girls flock to independent and caring men.

Maybe?

I don't know... it's a theory. Based on stereotypes.

Well, I know that when I ask a friend to come buy a drink or go to the bathroom with me, it's because if I walked up alone, I feel like it attracts more negative attention/staring, making me feel self-conscious. But there's strength in numbers. You can share the staring, or be distracted by it, if there is any staring. And I enjoy the company. So this could suggest that girls have more of an issue with self-esteem. Or it could say stuff about guys. That they like to be independent so they alone can be the center of attention.

I don't even know what I'm talking about.

This weird ritual girls do bewilders me, despite my being a girl.

Duncan probably has a better insight. Or observation. And you guys too.

To respond to April...

So, as per April’s latest post we’re now onto the subject of gender relations. And yes, I do find it incredibly attractive when girls make moves and don’t just sit there waiting for guys to flock to them.

I disagree with April on this issue, but I have a feel that’s my equality and democracy streak peeking through. I think that both sexes should have full expectations to do something about interest. Women shouldn’t be labeled as sluts if they go up to a guy they like and flirt with him, or ask him out. They should be able to do this the same way guys can. And this makes both sexes jobs easier if there isn’t any pressure on one or the other to make a first move.

Now sure, I think that everyone would agree (at some level of consciousness) that getting dinner and a movie paid for by someone else is awesome, it’s free stuff. Of course sometimes the expectation by a guy is that he is paying a girl so that she’ll do something with him. Sure, that sounds stupid, but maybe it’s true. Because guys can’t like paying for things all the time, if we did then we would have to be stereotypical and have big important, powerful jobs where we make lots of money so we can pay for every facet of our girlfriends. But if guys see paying for things for girls as a way to get something from the girl then it could explain the continuation by guys of the trend. And for girls, who doesn’t want free stuff? While guys may expect something, it’s not like the girl has any actual obligation other than a simple thanks.

How about what April mentioned (and what I brought up first thing) though, that I think it’s really attractive for a girl to make the first move. And this is me being stereotypical which is slightly contradictory to my aforementioned beliefs and stuff, but bear with me. I don’t think that a girl making out with every guy she knows at the drop of a hat is attractive, that is slutty. But, I do respect and admire a girl who will make a first move to engage in either a relationship or anything else. It’s sort of thin line maybe, but I see it as a distinct line. A girl who, after flirting with a guy and a guy flirting with her, makes a move to create any type of relationship is attractive in my mind, especially when this is done to me. I think this could be because of simply wanting to be liked. And for me, if a girl makes the first move I don’t have any uncertainty about if she likes me or not. The answer is pretty much definitely yes. And knowing that someone who you like likes you for sure is awesome and so that makes the girl attractive if they break that barrier instead of the guy having to.

So, those are my thoughts on the matter, hopefully this is more organized for Emily this time.

On a slightly different note...

This quote from Duncan's last post caught my eye:

it plays into a stereotypical male-female relationship of the guy being big and strong, who makes the money and also goes out and hunts for food.

What do you guys think about this? Should the stereotypical/typical roles of males and females, respectively, still be inherent in our relationships? Or are we advancing beyond that? Are the roles reversing? Do you, as a female, prefer the males to ask you to the dance, ask you on dates, pay for movies, etc? Or have we assumed more responsibility as an equal part of the relationship?

While I admire the idea that females are now able to have more power and can "make the money" and "hunt for food," I still can't completely wrap my head around breaking the traditional roles of male and female. I mean, the guy is supposed to be older, richer, taller, etc, and is also supposed to be the one doing the wooing and courting. I can do with girls being taller, older, and making more money, but I, as a girl, would never be able to ask a guy out. He'd have to ask me, no matter what. This may be an excuse because I'm too scared ("He is supposed to ask me!"), but I don't know.

What about the guys? Do you care that you're the ones expected to, I guess, make the first move? Or would you want the girl to do it, Sadie-Hawkins style?

And not only asking out, but in general. I know that Duncan likes the girl to make the first move...I'll let him elaborate/explain if he wants.

Topic Number One: A Guy's opinion on guys being Macho

So, I'll discuss both at the same time really (and mostly because I can't think of too many girly stereotypes, other than things like not wearings pants, and I think we're past that as a society). So, guys being macho is a role that we take on to garner attention from the opposite sex, or just from those around us. I see it as an easy way to show off and both show to girls (in the case of guys being macho) that you're confident and also it plays into a stereotypical male-female relationship of the guy being big and strong, who makes the money and also goes out and hunts for food. In a basic and early human society (I'm talking hunter gatherer and earlier here) mating was based on survival and therefore a guy who could provide both protection and food for a woman was looked on as the best candidate. This has evolved into a man with power, or money or fame in a modern setting. But this need for guys to want to feel macho comes from this basic ability to show off to women to get attention and then be picked as the best mate. Also, to get the attention of women you want to have one of those things that I said earlier, which gets you seen as better than everyone else around, power, money, fame, strength. And acting like a tough guy who can deal with anything is sometimes the easiest of these to achieve, which makes acting macho something which a lot of guys do to get attention.

So, those are my thoughts on the issue of guys being macho, I'm not sure how well organized that is and if it makes any sense at all. If it doesn't, inform me and I'll rethink the flow of consciousness plan.

The Macho Man

According to www.urbandictionary.com, macho is defined as:

male who cannot "lose face" in front of his mates or women. most macho men have the emotional range of a teaspoon and have enough empathy to fill the ink tube in a pen.

It says that women find this type of guy attractive.

I don't think it's attractive at all, much like the person who wrote this definition of macho:

M-males
A-acting
C-childish
H-horrible and
O-obnoxious.


We all know guys aren't always macho and stupid. If they were like that all the time, why would we be attracted to any guys at all?

Guys who cry while watching The Notebook are cute. Guys who need a hug when things go wrong are cute. Guys who aren't afraid to tell you how they honestly feel are cute. Guys can definitely be adorable when they stop acting all macho.

And when you have seen the cute side of them, it's even kind of cute when they act all macho because they think it'll impress you, or they're trying to impress the dudes. (Don't all dudes know that they're girly in front of the ladies? Can't you excuse your dudefriends for being non-macho when the chick's around?)

But wouldn't it be cuter if they were just normal in front of you and the guys? Why do they have to act like their masculinity is at risk? Only real men can wear pink, right? Only real men can show off their feminine side without shame and without fear.

But at the same time, guys should still be guys. So I don't really know. I guess the point is, guys shouldn't think that being macho will impress the ladies, because it doesn't. We like it when you're cute. Of course, different girls think differently, so share your thoughts!

First things first...

Well, this was totally April's idea. But, I think it is a good one.

We've decided to share our infinite wisdom and experience with the world in this blog which will hopefully help to unlock the secrets of the diametrically opposed (the other gender).

So, to make some things clear: April's the girl, and I'm the guy. So if you're a guy, don't listen to me because you don't need my advice. If you're a girl, you need my thoughts. Some goes for April and opposite sexes. I'm sure you'll figure it out, you're probably all smart.

So, now that we've got that business sorted out, we can get down to business and April and I can start exploring the world that is the diametrically opposed.

But, if when we say something you don't like, feel free to tell us so. Because we're only two people, and we aren't all knowing, no matter what I said earlier. Therefore the more input the better, it's basically democracy in action, kind of.

Introductory post from the girl

Hey,

I'm April, the female of this blog.

Basically, Duncan and I are starting this blog because neither of us have very exciting lives and we often talk about this sort of thing. We're here to present two different perspectives on how we view the opposite sex and all that good stuff.

Of course, you may be under the impression that Duncan and I are experts at this sort of thing, dating and whatnot. When really, we are completely not. (Or at least, I'm not.) But still, I know what I think of guys and I think I know what guys think of girls (but of course, I don't...that's why we have Duncan!).

But, Duncan and I are not typical teenagers. So we'll be asking other teens we know to share their stories, however similar or different to our own perspectives. If you wanna post something, let us know. Or we'll ask you. Or we'll force you to.

Anyway, I totally forgot what else I was going to say, so bye dears!

The Dudette
The Chick
The Femme Fatale
...or something