To respond to a quote from our Wall...

So, this topic has come from the one of the early wall posts on our Facebook group. The topic, or statement that April and I are going to respond to is as follows: “You can never trust a woman and everything they say has at least two or three meanings.”

So, this is like an ‘assess the validity question’ in APUSH class. Oh boy.

So, you can probably assume that the writer of this statement is a guy, and that is correct. From my experience it seems to be a very likely thought process of a guy. And so even if the guy who wrote this wasn’t completely serious about it, it still has a definite place in the blog. So, a lot of guys feel that girls are weird and hard to understand. I’d have to agree very whole heartedly with that. Now, maybe not the level of the statement where “you can never trust a woman” or that “everything they say has at least two or three meanings.” But I do see a lot of this being true.

Of course this is all from a guy’s perspective and so I don’t really know if girls just talk differently than guys do and so we just think they have secret codes for everything. But I do have to say, the way that most girls and most guys communicate, at least in my experience, is very different. Now sometimes girls will do this subconsciously, or only with other girls, and that makes this even more confusing for guys. We don’t know what’s going on anyway and then when a girl doesn’t even know she’s doing anything that is causing all this stress to the boy then that makes it even worse.

Probably a prevalent example of this is relating to our last topic, flirting. And while April and I agreed on a lot of what flirting was that doesn’t mean that girls don’t actually see it differently a lot of the time. This is why “everything they say has two meanings” can be somewhat correct. Sure they mean something, but they also mean something else, at least from a lot of my experience. Now, sure, sometimes this isn’t true. Sometimes what girls say and do accurately reflects what they feel, but a lot of the time, for whatever the reason might be they seem to defy their feelings and do things that would seem to go against what would be normal. And this doesn’t make sense to us guys. Like, why do girls complain about guys not being sensitive and stuff and then date the guys who aren’t sensitive and who are just the football players (stereotype definitely, but somewhat true).

How about, “you can never trust a woman”? Is this true? Well, I’d pretty much no. But, I do have to say, a lot of what happens that you don’t tell girls specifically is supposed to be secret isn’t kept secret. Or it’s kept secret between a couple girl friends. Now, this probably doesn’t actually happen all the time, and it’s a generalization, but I do still feel that it’s enough of truth that it can be said. And maybe this is just from girls talking more than guys, but that’s another stereotype that isn’t necessarily true.

So, this whole post is really one big generalization. But to conclude it I’ll reverse that direction by saying that I feel the statement that I’m assessing is much too vague to be true. But it definitely has its moments of veracity and in those moments are captured the confusion of guys everywhere when they try to understand girls.

The secret code of WOMEN

There is no actual secret code of women. At least not one that I’m aware of. But according to boys, us girls say one thing and mean another. So I’m here to unveil the best kept secret of the 21st century. (This blog topic was taken from Colin’s wall post on the facebook group).

Now, it’s probably true that we aren’t totally honest, and we expect the boys to know this. For example, when we say we don’t want presents, it’s totally not true. Who the hell doesn’t want presents? We just say that because we can’t be like GIVE ME GIFTS LOSER. But this depends largely on the girl too. Some girls actually don’t like extravagant things, and some girls do. I guess this is the part where you have to know your significant other well (as if you don’t already).

There are so many articles on this topic everywhere. Take a look-see:
Some of my favorites:

They say: I just don't want a BF right now
They mean: I just don't want you as a BF
^ I hate to say it, but this might actually be true. How many times have you or a friend or anyone rejected someone ( of either sex) and then found someone else days later? And a lot of the time, they told the rejectee they “weren’t interested in a relationship” or whatever, and obviously, they totally weren’t.

They say: I'm just goin out with the girls
They mean: We're gonna go out and make fun of you and yourfriends
^ I’d have to say, this one is not true. Actually maybe it sort of is. But not really. Of course we talk about boys when we’re with girlfriends. That’s one of the reasons we hang out with girlies. Making fun of boys is pretty fun too. But really, it’s just gushing and gossiping and being girls.

From this website:
“They use an ancient coded language,only decipherable to other females and totally encrypted to Males. If anyone ever breaks the code let me know,I get to a point where I think I understand them and then I realise I was just kidding myself!!”

And another thing I found somewhere. When a girl says they love you like a brother, they’ll never date you. Duncan showed me a thing a while ago about “the friend zone,” and it’s the perfect term for it. Some guys are just not guys you’d ever date, and they have to know that. But you smart boys probably know that.

Thank you Colin for the blog topic.

Flirty McFlirt-Flirt. Or something.

So, flirting: What is it, who does it and why is it something that is so ubiquitous?

Actually, that sounds silly, but whatever. April and I have decided tonight to bring you some lovely blog posts about flirting. Mostly because this is what we do when we’re bored, flirt, not blog, duh.

But actually, both.

So yeah, I’d define flirting as pretty much anything that is done to get the attention of someone who you like or are somehow attracted to. Of course, this doesn’t have to always be the case, because I know some girls (ok, only two) flirt because it’s fun. It draws attention to you, which is the point. Generally you draw this attention to yourself so that whoever you’re flirting “at” (does that make sense even, do you flirt at someone? To someone maybe?) notices you more and pays attention to you.

Ok, so basically that was some circular logic right there in that last paragraph (ok, lie, it really wasn’t circular logic, but I did sort of circle with my train of thought). Can you tell I have no idea what to write? Good.

So, is flirting something we do subconsciously or consciously. I’d say a little bit of both. Sure, a lot of flirting is overt and over the top, and at that point it isn’t even flirting, it’s just attention seeking. But of course, do people subtly flirt. Or accidently flirt? Is a guy hanging out with girls all the time subconsciously flirting all the time?

I don’t actually know where this is going and it’s sort of stupid.

Ok, back on topic. So, quintessentially the flirting tactic of all guys (over fifth grade age) is to annoy girls. Through any way they can, basically. This comes from poking them, making fun of them, ignoring them, being mean to them, whatever. And this is basically pretty true, at least from my experience. Teasing girls and annoying them is definitely one way to get their attention. Not always the best way, but not taken too far it seems to work, at least to some degree. Of course, what about compliments and stuff like that? Sure, that’s flirting but it’s a flirting you don’t see a lot really, it’s hard to pull off for a guy because you can’t just go up to someone that you don’t know well and be like “you look pretty good in those pants.” Unless you want to come off as creepy. But teasing is easier to do with people you don’t know, and even people you do know, and therefore it’s an easier form of flirting than flattery.

Ok, so I don’t think this post makes any sense. But, April and I wanted to post something. Seriously, people, I’m sure you have better insight than this because this is basically me rambling about nothing.

The Art of Flirting...??

How do you define flirting? I don’t think it has a single definition. You can flirt with the intention of making someone want you (lol) or you can flirt for fun or you can flirt without knowing it or you can flirt with your significant other. You can flirt with anyone for any reason at any time anywhere and it’s still called flirting.

I don’t know if guys and girls have different ideas of what flirting is.

I think it all depends. Just laughing and joking with a guy doesn’t mean you’re flirting with him, in my opinion. It depends on the vibe. Hopefully you can tell if a guy asks you to hang out because he likes you or just wants to hang out.

But then again, you don’t have to like someone to flirt with them. You can just do it for fun.

Basically, I have no idea how to define flirting.

Flirt is such a weird word after saying it so many times.

Anyway, do guys flirt differently than girls? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s divided into girls and guys. Rather, it’s more like people who flirt a lot and people who only flirt with people they like. People who flirt a lot do it for fun, or for attention. And there’s totally nothing wrong with that.

Learn how to flirt

One point made in the wiki is that you shouldn’t flirt with high expectations. Again, usually it’s just for fun.

But I know a lot of girls who “flirt like crazy” to get a guy to like them. It works too. :]

Relationship dynamics: the view from the outside

I basically agree with everything Duncan already said, but I’m hoping I can add to it or provoke different ideas amongst you readers. Duncan relates this topic to his recent breakup, but I can relate it to the relationship I’m in currently.

In my opinion, I’m a good judge of character and I don’t get blinded by love or anger or any emotion too too much. I believe that if I were being abused or mistreated, I would know. I’m strong enough to put an end to it.

...Buttttt you never know. So, when my friends started telling me that they thought my boyfriend wasn’t caring or whatever, I freaked out a little. I talked to a couple people about it. And it’s not like I don’t realize that he jokes around a lot and makes fun of me, but it never really bothers me. But still, I took these concerns to heart because I know that my friends are just looking out for me and I also did not want to be the idiot at the end.

But ultimately, while my friends know me well enough, they don’t know the dynamic of my relationship at all. So I put these concerns aside and I’ll save them for when he’s actually being a jerk. For now though, I’m totally fine with the way things are, though I know that no matter how many times I emphasize that, no one will ever fully believe me.

And that’s the way it is. Like Duncan said, only the two people actually involved in the relationship truly know what’s going on. Sure, sometimes they need friends to get them out of a denial stage, but for the most part, the two people know themselves the best.

I think outsiders and onlookers have a right to be concerned and to judge and to let you know what’s up if they see a red flag, but they also have to bestow a great amount of trust in the couple. If a couple is actually having a problem, trust that they’ll work things out themselves. There’s no need to meddle, most of the time.

Nota Bene. There are always exceptions to a rule. As with everything, it depends on the situation at hand. But still, whatever happens, happens.

So, more stuff about relationships.

April and I have decided we have fairly similar views on this topic and so I'll be posting this. Though, of course she is free to either write her own or to comment on this to affirm or deny what I wrote.

So, as of recent events in my life, I’m currently single. I’d like to, in this post, not talk about being single now or breaking up or anything like that but instead the way that relationships are viewed.

This recent development came as a shock to many of my friends, and a many of my ex’s friends too. To them, while granted I didn’t talk to a lot of my friends about my relationship, they saw a relationship which was not in any danger of falling apart. Now, I can’t speak for my ex’s friends, but I’d assume most or many of them would be in the same sort of boat. They were probably shocked by this just as my friends were.

This surprise experienced by the outside world was, I think, much more expected by my ex and myself. Partially because we both came to the same conclusion that we should break up, this can be accounted for, as we were both preparing ourselves for it. But, the fact that we were the ones in the relationship and not out friends can also be a large factor in this.

The point of this being that it seems to me that the only people who know what’s really going on in a relationship between two people are those two people. It doesn’t matter how much you tell your best friend, or how much you think that your friends understand you; what matters to really understanding a relationship and its dynamics are the people in it. And those two people are the ones who really should be making judgments about what is going on in the relationship, about if they are moving too fast or to slow and so on.

When people outside of the relationship look on, into the fishbowl, as it is, they see with a distorted image of what one side tells them, with their own biases and prejudices and so on. This skewed view of the relationship coming from the people outside of it, if then fed into the relationship through one of the people can cause all sorts of problems which would not have occurred before. While yes, people are allowed to think what they want and to advise their friends how they want to, they should understand that they probably can’t actually understand what is going on in the relationship dynamic.

Now, I feel that if I don’t add this at the end, I’ll get attacked for it: In some cases the outside influence is needed from someone because when you’re in a relationship you might possibly be blind to what your partner does and this could develop into an abusive relationship. But, I think that in most cases an abusive relationship isn’t going to be the case and trying to find one where there is none is futile and wasteful.

Finally, another topic!

Sorry about the very long hiatus. And sorry that this post is so long.

I don’t think the way a guy dresses makes him more attractive or less attractive, necessarily. But, I do think that the style the guy has tells a lot about his personality. Therefore, if the way a guy dresses points to a character quality that you don’t like, it’s kind of a turn off. Of course, this is what we call “judging a book by its cover” but I’m just sayin’.

I don’t think a guy has to dress well to be hot, but I’m sure there are plenty of girls who do. A well-dressed man has a certain look of cleanliness and a level of personal care that makes them more open to others. It shows that they can take care of themselves and are ready and able to put themselves out there. It reflects a level of confidence, which of course is always attractive.

Now, just to clarify, I don’t mean that the more clothes from American Eagle one owns, the hotter he is. Because personally, I hate American Eagle. But that’s beside the point.

This is a really hard question.

Okay, I think this is what I think, in a nutshell: I know that I, for one, judge based on clothes and style, but that is because I notice these things anyway. I pretty much know the wardrobes of all of my guy friends because I’m just cool like that =] And the dealbreaker (except not really, but for lack of a better term) is always the shoes. A guy who wears good shoes is always attractive. I don’t know why.

And I’m off again. Back to the point. Basically, dressing nicely makes a good first impression. Beyond that, clothes don’t matter. As long as they have a “style.” Which, in my opinion, everyone does. Even if they wear really nasty grungey clothes -- that’s their style.

And another thing: In writing this post, I have come to find that I really dislike it when guys wear clothes from Hollister and American Eagle just because they think it’s the trendy thing to do. If it’s not your style, don’t wear it. So basically, be yourself. (And to make a connection: it doesn’t really matter what you wear, but how you wear it. Wearing something that represents who you are is the best anyone can ask for.)

As far as girls dressing up: I touched on this in one of the earlier posts, but I agree with Duncan. Guys don’t give a crap about how girls dress. So why do we spend so much time and effort to look nice? Well, first off, we aren’t trying to impress guys, necessarily (depends on situation). But looking good makes you feel good which in turn makes you look even better. And we like compliments.

Crazy 'bout a Sharp Dressed Man?

So, I was just listening to the ZZ Top song, Sharp Dressed Man and decided that this would be a good topic for the blog.

Not just a sharp dressed man though, but how women dress and does it change attractiveness?

Why is it that some people dress up and always look nice? Does it actually increase their attractiveness when guys do this? Sure, it shows that they can go out of their way to look nice all the time, but is this really necessary? Just to pose some questions because April isn't around to answer them herself.

But, how do how women dress affect men and how they view attractiveness. Now, I can only speak for myself, but I find that, while clothes can sometimes really enhance a girl's appearance and make her look better than she might just wearing sweat pants and a sweat shirt, I don't think that it makes such a huge difference as some girls, and guys too I guess, make it out to be. I think that a girl can be just as attractive in a pair of sweatpants as in a pair of jeans or a skirt. The only thing that is going to change in my eyes is what they are wearing and what it looks like specifically. Now, I'm specifically talking clothes here and leaving out hair and makeup because that's a whole Pandora's Box of information. But in terms of just clothing I think that it makes very little real difference.

This though is in an every day situation, like at school. While I don't see clothes themselves as playing a huge role in appearance where it counts in terms of attractiveness I do see it counting in terms of appearance in general.

Ok, so I think I lost my train of thought, but to close this post off, here's the music video of Sharp Dressed Man:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW_QCRGvT-g