High School relationships & college
College is a time in which one can truly experience a variety of things. As such it should be a time in which you enjoy yourself as you will be finding something that greatly interests you. Be it 1200’s history, PN junction transistor construction, the art of smoking weed, etc you are bound to find something that catches your attention. Furthermore, you start from a clean slate (socially speaking). You may have been the biggest manwhore or the biggest gossip girl in high school but no one will know about that in college. What’s not to look forward to?
Well depending on how you address the situation, there is one thing people in relationships probably don’t want to look forward to - College. College = either long distance relationships which will probably falter or the end of your current relationship. …Well that just sucks! No matter how you look at it, your choices are dismal. But in order to maintain some optimism in this article, we’ll start with the “good” outlook
Situation 1 – your girlfriend and you decide to break up so that you can experience college without any strings attached. Who knows perhaps if you are lucky you’ll meet in four years and hopefully she’ll still recognize you. “Perhaps she’ll realize that she liked you so much that she went into a nunnery [or became a lesbian]” as another blogger once wrote so eloquently.
Oh I’m sorry, that wasn’t too optimistic…let me try again
Situation 2 – You maintain a long distance relationship. The strength of your relationship, although tested by great distances and sexy men or women hitting upon you has not faltered. You end up getting married at the end of college.
There! That’s more optimistic. Ah now I feel all full of bubbling hope. Like a child who just got an A for his report card. Perhaps mom won’t beat me now – well unfortunately that’s unrealistic just like situation 2. The chances of you finding your true love in high school are very very low. You have a better chance of being hit by lightening twice in two different places, surviving that ordeal, bringing peace to the Middle East, and then winning the lottery on the same day. Sorry for bursting that bubble but it was necessary. However, that is not to say that there are couples who do find true love in high school and live happily ever after, wifebeatings and divorces galore.
But honestly, let’s be realistic. Long distance relationships probably won’t work. Even though you may remain in contact with each other by letters or “Shared online activities (e.g., online games such as chess, role play games such as Ragnarok and World of Warcraft)” as wikipedia brilliantly puts it (how many girls do you know play WoW?) nothing will ever replace the needed physical human interaction – seeing your partner, talking with your partner in person, etc. And with this physical aspect of the relationship missing, cracks are likely to form within your relationship – cracks that may cause the once firm house of relationships to crumble to the ground.
If we backtrack a little, it would seem situation 1 is the better situation. As much as I really deplore it, its one of those instances that, as my sister said “you simply met too early”. It’s sad, but perhaps after the entire college ordeal you two will get back together. Who knows? Maybe you will appreciate that person even more. It’s happened before. It may be hard to let go now but it may be the lesser of two evils in the end.
In all seriousness (no more sarcasm) going to college is going to hurt both of you in the relationship if you don’t prepare for it. Talk with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you decide to break up after high school, cherish the time that you have left. Now one might be asking “well what’s the point if you have already decided to breakup?” I honestly don’t have any smartass answer for that one. But look at your relationship. Why did you get together? Do you truly love each other? What would you do if the other died / was in danger and you could prevent it / cheated / was in pain? These are only questions that you and your partner can answer.
Now you should watch something happy after reading this depressing article – idk maybe Sex and the City or legally blond.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Dating: A term, or a real thing?
So, we haven’t blogged in a while. Man, I don’t know if I know how to do this anymore. Maybe it’s like riding a bike. Anyway, the topic of today’s discussion is if dating is a reality or just a label?
Is the term dating needed to imply some sort of deeper connection between two people, or is the term something that isn’t needed for a relationship?
Of course, dating (in the broad sense of the term) is just something you do with people who you aren’t necessarily dating (in the narrower, modern teenage sense of the word) but want to go somewhere with. To be dating someone implies that you go on dates with this person frequently. Therefore, the idea that going on a date with someone else multiple times means you two date; making dating a reality. But, what about two people, who, for whatever reason, don’t go on dates, but have feelings for each other and are in all other senses of the word in a relationship? If you two don’t do things together as a couple, can you truly be determined to be a couple?
I think that the act of dating, while sometimes vitally important to both building and maintaining a relationship, is not necessarily the keystone in the arch which is the relationship. In other words it isn’t needed for the two people to be going on dates with each other to be in a relationship where they can be labeled boyfriend and girlfriend.
So, while dating is mostly a reality, and most couples I think do go on dates together, and are therefore dating, it isn’t necessary and comes down in the end to mostly a label and not a reality where it determines the nature of the relationship.
Is the term dating needed to imply some sort of deeper connection between two people, or is the term something that isn’t needed for a relationship?
Of course, dating (in the broad sense of the term) is just something you do with people who you aren’t necessarily dating (in the narrower, modern teenage sense of the word) but want to go somewhere with. To be dating someone implies that you go on dates with this person frequently. Therefore, the idea that going on a date with someone else multiple times means you two date; making dating a reality. But, what about two people, who, for whatever reason, don’t go on dates, but have feelings for each other and are in all other senses of the word in a relationship? If you two don’t do things together as a couple, can you truly be determined to be a couple?
I think that the act of dating, while sometimes vitally important to both building and maintaining a relationship, is not necessarily the keystone in the arch which is the relationship. In other words it isn’t needed for the two people to be going on dates with each other to be in a relationship where they can be labeled boyfriend and girlfriend.
So, while dating is mostly a reality, and most couples I think do go on dates together, and are therefore dating, it isn’t necessary and comes down in the end to mostly a label and not a reality where it determines the nature of the relationship.
What's all the hype about dating?
The term "dating" isn't as big of a deal as it seems. It doesn't mean anything. I mean, it's used with a couple becomes official or whatever, but can't you be "official" without "dating"? And vice versa? I mean, I'm sure there are people who aren't "official" who are much closer than people who are "dating." Actually, I know for a fact there are.
What makes someone more of a boyfriend than a close friend? I've recently become obsessed with Sex and the City and in one episode (I believe it's #306, "Are We Sluts?"), Carrie Bradshaw and her almost-boyfriend Aiden are chilling at her house. And in one minute, he kisses her. She thinks to herself, "boyfriend." In the next minute, he's commenting on how hot Halle Berry is. Carrie thinks, "friend." And two seconds later, he tells her that she's more beautiful and hot than Halle Berry. Carrie thinks, "boyfriend." And so on. And he doesn't sleep with her. So she is very confused.
Now. Here's what I thought the entire time I was watching this. Just because a guy thinks someone else (a celebrity for that matter) is really hot, and has the nerve (courage? audacity? none of the above?) to say it in front of a girl, does that mean he isn't interested in her? And just because a guy playfully teases a girl and acts goofy and makes fun of her, does that mean he just wants to be her friend? I'm gonna go with no and no. That just doesn't make sense. What kind of boyfriend doesn't make fun of his girlfriend at all? Would you not shoot yourself if all your boyfriend did was send you flowers and cook for you and tell you you're amazing? Okay, actually, that would be awesome. But the relationship dynamic there would be so weird. What kind of couple would you be if you couldn't have some fun by making fun of eachother?
So, once you're dating, does it mean that the guy has to buy you dinner and call you every night and whatever?
Seriously, I have trouble defining what is the difference between just friends, friends with benefits, and boyfriend&girlfriend. Actually, what I really don't get is friends with benefits...but we'll save that for another day.
But what makes dating so different than the step before that? If you slap on the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," does that change anything except the way other people define you? Is the relationship any different? It's just a label. You don't transport into a new stage just because you called a guy your boyfriend. I mean, sure it's meaningful and important, but it's not any different.
It's one thing if you can't kiss and hold hands before you're "official." But who does that? It's like waiting for marriage before you have sex. A lot of people wait, but a lot of people don't. In a way, marriage isn't that different than engagement, which isn't that different from a long term relationship, especially if you live together, or in some cases, ahve a kid. There aren't clear cut stages anymore. You're allowed to do whatever you want. Aside from the legal stuff, marriage is a label too. And dating is even more so because it doesn't begin with a big ceremony and multiple parties.
Sorry to bring marriage into this blog....I've been watching too much Sex and the City.
What makes someone more of a boyfriend than a close friend? I've recently become obsessed with Sex and the City and in one episode (I believe it's #306, "Are We Sluts?"), Carrie Bradshaw and her almost-boyfriend Aiden are chilling at her house. And in one minute, he kisses her. She thinks to herself, "boyfriend." In the next minute, he's commenting on how hot Halle Berry is. Carrie thinks, "friend." And two seconds later, he tells her that she's more beautiful and hot than Halle Berry. Carrie thinks, "boyfriend." And so on. And he doesn't sleep with her. So she is very confused.
Now. Here's what I thought the entire time I was watching this. Just because a guy thinks someone else (a celebrity for that matter) is really hot, and has the nerve (courage? audacity? none of the above?) to say it in front of a girl, does that mean he isn't interested in her? And just because a guy playfully teases a girl and acts goofy and makes fun of her, does that mean he just wants to be her friend? I'm gonna go with no and no. That just doesn't make sense. What kind of boyfriend doesn't make fun of his girlfriend at all? Would you not shoot yourself if all your boyfriend did was send you flowers and cook for you and tell you you're amazing? Okay, actually, that would be awesome. But the relationship dynamic there would be so weird. What kind of couple would you be if you couldn't have some fun by making fun of eachother?
So, once you're dating, does it mean that the guy has to buy you dinner and call you every night and whatever?
Seriously, I have trouble defining what is the difference between just friends, friends with benefits, and boyfriend&girlfriend. Actually, what I really don't get is friends with benefits...but we'll save that for another day.
But what makes dating so different than the step before that? If you slap on the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," does that change anything except the way other people define you? Is the relationship any different? It's just a label. You don't transport into a new stage just because you called a guy your boyfriend. I mean, sure it's meaningful and important, but it's not any different.
It's one thing if you can't kiss and hold hands before you're "official." But who does that? It's like waiting for marriage before you have sex. A lot of people wait, but a lot of people don't. In a way, marriage isn't that different than engagement, which isn't that different from a long term relationship, especially if you live together, or in some cases, ahve a kid. There aren't clear cut stages anymore. You're allowed to do whatever you want. Aside from the legal stuff, marriage is a label too. And dating is even more so because it doesn't begin with a big ceremony and multiple parties.
Sorry to bring marriage into this blog....I've been watching too much Sex and the City.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
In my (however unqualified) opinion: how to attract girls
I’m not even going to try to generalize about this one. I’m just going to say what applies to me, as in, what I find attractive in a guy. And hopefully some girls will back me up on at least a few off them.
One thing I look at when I see a guy is his shoes. I don’t know anyone else who does this, but honestly, shoes tell a lot. Although not when guys where shoes that do not suit them...but they shoes they where on a day to day basis are fairly accurate to judge from.
I also like nerds.
But on a more serious note, there’s that whole myth about guys that are “tall, dark, and handsome.” Tall, sure, that’s a good thing, especially if you’re tall. (For me, it’s not much of an issue.) Handsome, definitely. But more on that later. Dark? What does that even mean? Brunette? Tan? Indian/black? In my mind, it means brunette, which I will say is hypothetically my favorite hair color on a guy, but that may be untrue, I don’t really know. The tall, dark and handsome thing goes with the brooding and sexy guy look, which is very attractive.
How does one define handsome? I don’t know. If you like someone enough, they are the hottest person in the world. But at first sight, you have to be medium tall to tall, have good muscles, good hair and a good face. Curly hair is adorable, but it depends on the person. I like guys who have pretty faces :] I also love eyes, because that’s where you see one’s feelings and whatnot. Color doesn’t really matter, but Duncan has nice blue eyes =) They just have to be nice-looking.
But personality is still key. If I just met a guy and I want to get to know him more, I call it being intrigued. Some people just have really intriguing personalities. I think you have to be personal, charming and smile cutely. By personal, I mean talk to the girl directly. Don’t only talk to the people around her. Talk to her. Then she’ll notice you, and she’ll know you noticed her. And obviously, I like all the clichéd qualities: funny, smart, nice. I think being able to keep a conversation is a dealbreaker. I also think you have to be playful. Make fun of the girl, and let her make fun of you back. Kind of like the way you steal your crush’s hat in fourth grade, only flirtier. Also, look into her eyes when you talk (try not to look at her boobs or something too much, please.) and listen. Guys that can be girly are good too. Like, guys that FEEL things and THINK things and BELIEVE things. These shouldn’t be girly qualities. They’re human.
I think what I’m saying is beyond friendly and fun flirting. But I kind of think the same goes for guys as for girls. Don’t be clingy, have confidence, be forward but not too forward. Same deal. It’s cute when you’re nervous or something too. Adorable.
One thing I look at when I see a guy is his shoes. I don’t know anyone else who does this, but honestly, shoes tell a lot. Although not when guys where shoes that do not suit them...but they shoes they where on a day to day basis are fairly accurate to judge from.
I also like nerds.
But on a more serious note, there’s that whole myth about guys that are “tall, dark, and handsome.” Tall, sure, that’s a good thing, especially if you’re tall. (For me, it’s not much of an issue.) Handsome, definitely. But more on that later. Dark? What does that even mean? Brunette? Tan? Indian/black? In my mind, it means brunette, which I will say is hypothetically my favorite hair color on a guy, but that may be untrue, I don’t really know. The tall, dark and handsome thing goes with the brooding and sexy guy look, which is very attractive.
How does one define handsome? I don’t know. If you like someone enough, they are the hottest person in the world. But at first sight, you have to be medium tall to tall, have good muscles, good hair and a good face. Curly hair is adorable, but it depends on the person. I like guys who have pretty faces :] I also love eyes, because that’s where you see one’s feelings and whatnot. Color doesn’t really matter, but Duncan has nice blue eyes =) They just have to be nice-looking.
But personality is still key. If I just met a guy and I want to get to know him more, I call it being intrigued. Some people just have really intriguing personalities. I think you have to be personal, charming and smile cutely. By personal, I mean talk to the girl directly. Don’t only talk to the people around her. Talk to her. Then she’ll notice you, and she’ll know you noticed her. And obviously, I like all the clichéd qualities: funny, smart, nice. I think being able to keep a conversation is a dealbreaker. I also think you have to be playful. Make fun of the girl, and let her make fun of you back. Kind of like the way you steal your crush’s hat in fourth grade, only flirtier. Also, look into her eyes when you talk (try not to look at her boobs or something too much, please.) and listen. Guys that can be girly are good too. Like, guys that FEEL things and THINK things and BELIEVE things. These shouldn’t be girly qualities. They’re human.
I think what I’m saying is beyond friendly and fun flirting. But I kind of think the same goes for guys as for girls. Don’t be clingy, have confidence, be forward but not too forward. Same deal. It’s cute when you’re nervous or something too. Adorable.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Worst blog post ever...
So, last whenever, April and I talked about things that guys find attractive in girls, and that girls can do to make guys like them. But, what about things that guys do? Do girls have the same sort of standards and weird things that they look for as guys do?
I don’t know how to generalize about things that guys can do to get girls to like them, since I’m not a girl, but I guess I can give this a go.
So, I think that most girls like guys to be generally attractive, as in have six packs. But really, that’s a huge over generalization. Ok, how about take care of yourself and look nice. I don’t think that girls appreciate if guys look like crap, I know girls freak out about how they look a lot of the time, but they probably want their guy to be nice looking too. Or something.
This is not going to be a great post by me, heh.
So, anyway, looking nice, making sure you keep yourself groomed; whatever. I don’t know. It probably depends a lot on the girl on whether she thinks a guy looks better with facial hair or without, or with long hair or short. But, maybe the main idea is to have some sort of style of dress and look, just so that you don’t just roll out of bed every morning.
But, enough about looking nice. How about how a guy acts? Again, I really have no advice which you haven’t heard I don’t think. I mean, be yourself, and don’t make things forced. I don’t know. The rest of how personality effects attraction is I’m sure also based on personal decision really.
Ok, so in conclusion, girls are confusing and I have no idea what they actually want. My strategy is to just try things until it works or until you get in trouble and get hit. But, I don’t think that is really good advice. So, listen to April.
I don’t know how to generalize about things that guys can do to get girls to like them, since I’m not a girl, but I guess I can give this a go.
So, I think that most girls like guys to be generally attractive, as in have six packs. But really, that’s a huge over generalization. Ok, how about take care of yourself and look nice. I don’t think that girls appreciate if guys look like crap, I know girls freak out about how they look a lot of the time, but they probably want their guy to be nice looking too. Or something.
This is not going to be a great post by me, heh.
So, anyway, looking nice, making sure you keep yourself groomed; whatever. I don’t know. It probably depends a lot on the girl on whether she thinks a guy looks better with facial hair or without, or with long hair or short. But, maybe the main idea is to have some sort of style of dress and look, just so that you don’t just roll out of bed every morning.
But, enough about looking nice. How about how a guy acts? Again, I really have no advice which you haven’t heard I don’t think. I mean, be yourself, and don’t make things forced. I don’t know. The rest of how personality effects attraction is I’m sure also based on personal decision really.
Ok, so in conclusion, girls are confusing and I have no idea what they actually want. My strategy is to just try things until it works or until you get in trouble and get hit. But, I don’t think that is really good advice. So, listen to April.
Monday, June 2, 2008
The Rules of Attraction: Being a Guy Magnet
I don’t think anyone believes there is a set code of rules to follow in order to become a “guy magnet,” except maybe Seventeen Magazine, whose July 2008 issue features an article about just that. According to the magazine, there are three (imo, retarded) rules to follow to be that one girl that gets all the guys.
First of all, there are always those girls who seem like they get all the guys. But do they really? Aren’t they just slutty? Or uncommitted? But I will say, there is definitely something awesome about being flirty and having lots of options :]
This week, Duncan and I have decided to make our own respective sets of rules for attracting guys. Next week (or next time we blog), we’ll make rules for attracting girls. We/I apologize for waiting, like, forever to blog again, but those crazy comments from the last post took up the better part of our blogging time. Anyway, on to the rules. These are concocted from whatever little personal experience I have as well as focus group research =)
The Rules of Attraction, as told by April:
Rule #1: Make him feel comfortable. What I mean is, just be relaxed and don’t be looking for anything. Don’t make him feel pressured to act a certain way and/or do certain things. Be easygoing and let what happens happen. Be friendly and smiley and welcoming. Be easy to talk to and easy to approach; be inviting. Sort of like, let yourself be exposed (figuratively, please) when the time comes.
Rule #2: Radiate happiness. I don’t mean smile 100% of the time or anything. But let it be known that you are having a good time and can laugh about things and smile about things. I think most guys want a girl who can laugh and find something positive in any situation. And smiles always make you look pretty, not to mention confident.
Rule #3: Be forward, a little. I don’t mean throw yourself at anyone. But sometimes, guys need more than just a little hint (not to say they’re thickheaded, but...). Haha, just kidding. Sometimes, guys like it if you are more forward. Not too forward though, in my opinion. Just don’t be shy.
Rule #4: Restrain yourself. This is probably the number one rule I live by. Don’t let yourself go overboard. Think about what you were going to do, and then take a couple steps back and STOP. THERE. This has a load of benefits. 1) You’re not going to look like a complete idiot throwing yourself at some guy. 2) It gives you time to gauge how much you really like him, if you do at all. 3) It gives you time to sit back and observe; you can figure out (or try to) if he likes you back. 4) If he does like you, it leaves him wanting more. =] Even if he doesn’t like you, you can see if he is attracted to you.
I have to say, it was very strange trying to write these. First of all, I’m not a guy. Therefore, I don’t really know what a guy would think of these rules. And also, this set of rules is a complete generalization, which is not ideal but sometimes necessary. It obviously doesn’t apply to everyone and how you use the rules, if at all, depends on who you are and who the guy is. Looking back at this, it’s not really the rules of attraction. It;s more like, how to get a guy to like you. Which is always fun, but not really the best thing to do in the long run. But I definitely believe you can make a guy like you. It’s totally possible. And it’s very fun to try :]
First of all, there are always those girls who seem like they get all the guys. But do they really? Aren’t they just slutty? Or uncommitted? But I will say, there is definitely something awesome about being flirty and having lots of options :]
This week, Duncan and I have decided to make our own respective sets of rules for attracting guys. Next week (or next time we blog), we’ll make rules for attracting girls. We/I apologize for waiting, like, forever to blog again, but those crazy comments from the last post took up the better part of our blogging time. Anyway, on to the rules. These are concocted from whatever little personal experience I have as well as focus group research =)
The Rules of Attraction, as told by April:
Rule #1: Make him feel comfortable. What I mean is, just be relaxed and don’t be looking for anything. Don’t make him feel pressured to act a certain way and/or do certain things. Be easygoing and let what happens happen. Be friendly and smiley and welcoming. Be easy to talk to and easy to approach; be inviting. Sort of like, let yourself be exposed (figuratively, please) when the time comes.
Rule #2: Radiate happiness. I don’t mean smile 100% of the time or anything. But let it be known that you are having a good time and can laugh about things and smile about things. I think most guys want a girl who can laugh and find something positive in any situation. And smiles always make you look pretty, not to mention confident.
Rule #3: Be forward, a little. I don’t mean throw yourself at anyone. But sometimes, guys need more than just a little hint (not to say they’re thickheaded, but...). Haha, just kidding. Sometimes, guys like it if you are more forward. Not too forward though, in my opinion. Just don’t be shy.
Rule #4: Restrain yourself. This is probably the number one rule I live by. Don’t let yourself go overboard. Think about what you were going to do, and then take a couple steps back and STOP. THERE. This has a load of benefits. 1) You’re not going to look like a complete idiot throwing yourself at some guy. 2) It gives you time to gauge how much you really like him, if you do at all. 3) It gives you time to sit back and observe; you can figure out (or try to) if he likes you back. 4) If he does like you, it leaves him wanting more. =] Even if he doesn’t like you, you can see if he is attracted to you.
I have to say, it was very strange trying to write these. First of all, I’m not a guy. Therefore, I don’t really know what a guy would think of these rules. And also, this set of rules is a complete generalization, which is not ideal but sometimes necessary. It obviously doesn’t apply to everyone and how you use the rules, if at all, depends on who you are and who the guy is. Looking back at this, it’s not really the rules of attraction. It;s more like, how to get a guy to like you. Which is always fun, but not really the best thing to do in the long run. But I definitely believe you can make a guy like you. It’s totally possible. And it’s very fun to try :]
Things That Girls Can Do, To Make Guys Attracted to Them
So, this blog post was touched off by a 17 Magazine article about ways that girls should act and such to make guys attracted to them.
So, I guess I will attempt to make a list of things that girls can do to make guys attracted to them, or interested in them, or something like that. Of course, this list is going to be just for me, but I think that a lot of what I’m going to say can apply to many different guys.
So, the article talked about confidence, and how to look confident when talking to guys and such. And I agree with that. I think that for both guys and girls, being confident about yourself, about how you look, about how you are acting is one of those things that are attractive. Everyone likes attention as well, so the girl starting flirting or talking to the guy first is of course something that is attractive. And that is confidence too; because usually guys are supposed to approach girls, but if the girl shows the confidence to go over to the attractive guy they see they’ll break boundaries and look extra confident and sure of themselves that way.
Another thing that guys appreciate is body contact. The article also said this. But, the article talked about touching his hand and stuff. I think that body contact really depends on how it is done. Sure, hugging is one thing, but a lot of the time, hugging is just a greeting or a farewell. But subtle things like taking his hand or sitting near him. Of course, the stereotype of the guy who is too oblivious to subtly is sometimes true. Stuff like that doesn’t always work, so sometimes you have to resort to more drastic measures like…
Walking around naked. Enough said.
But really, guys do like girls showing off. And this does go with the confidence thing. But, it is something that girls can do to get noticed. Look good, show off what you have. Not necessarily in a slutty manner, but just by making yourself look good, and know how to look good. That type of stuff is important to guys. We like how girls look, and if you want a guy to approach you, you’ll probably have to look good first. This doesn’t mean that you have to spend four hours in the bathroom everyday sculpting your hair and putting make up on, but you should know how to make yourself look good, and that will help you out.
So, I think I’m repeating myself here. The point mostly is that confidence in whatever you do, works. Flirt however you want, but do it well and with confidence and you’ll have a better chance to get the guy. There isn’t any magic perfume to wear, or shoes to dance in. You have just like who and what you are and go out there and go after the guys you want just as much as they have to go after you.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
to infinity... and beyond! by that i mean Dating A Good Friend.
I say this from personal experience: Dating a close friend does not ruin the friendship. Of course, it definitely can in some cases, but I’ll get to that later. Naturally, if you become really close to a friend of the opposite sex, some other feelings of attraction might develop, in addition to usual friendly love. To this, I say go for it. Don’t shy away from it just because they are your friend. Good things can happen and you never know until you give it a shot.
In a way I think people who date their best or close friends have different relationships than those who date people they instantly fall for. At the moment I can’t think of anyone I know personally who is/was in the latter relationship. Actually maybe a couple. But still. I conclude that most people date their friends, because obviously they know them better. People who date close friends tend to have a relationship that stems from the basis of that friendship and grows to the next level. It’s basically like hanging out with a friend but doing all those things couples do too. I don’t know. I just think that people with boyfriends or girlfriends who weren’t really friends before have a different balance of coupley stuff versus hanging out stuff.
I’ll also say that because of the way high school dating works, people tend to be friends with others before they are their bf/gf. But once we’re beyond high school, we meet people randomly and go on a date and if we hit it off, then that’s great. But in that case, you start off with the goal of finding a relationship partner or whatever, you know what I mean?
The problem with dating friends is the worry about whether the friendship will be ruined as a result of the relationship ending. Obviously high school relationships don’t last forever. It’s sad but it’s reality. I think that if you were friends before you started dating, you can remain friends afterwards. Of course, there is a period of awkwardness, but I can assure you, it will subside in time. And everything will be back to normal and in a little while you’ll be laughing about how you two dated way back when. The exception to this is if something bad happens that causes the end of the relationship. Something that totally kills every connection you ever had. Like, for example, infidelity or abuse or crazy personality transformations. Something like that would put into question the future of the friendship.
If you and your best-friend-of-the-opposite-sex (or same sex if you prefer: we don’t discriminate) are into eachother, I say go for it. Neither of you wants anything bad to happen, and 9 times out of 10 nothing will. You also get to skip over (most of) the awkward stuff because you’ll already be way more comfortable hanging out with eachother than you would with anyone else. But there is definitely awkward stuff. Like you’ve been so used to just being friends, how do you go about acting like you’re dating? What makes it any different? Aside from making out in the hallways at school, which is a practice I do not condone anyway. Once you give it a shot, it’s up to you to decide whether you like life better as friends or as more then friends and do what you will from there. But you never know until you try.
I don’t know if this answered the question (if there even was one), or any question for that matter.
In a way I think people who date their best or close friends have different relationships than those who date people they instantly fall for. At the moment I can’t think of anyone I know personally who is/was in the latter relationship. Actually maybe a couple. But still. I conclude that most people date their friends, because obviously they know them better. People who date close friends tend to have a relationship that stems from the basis of that friendship and grows to the next level. It’s basically like hanging out with a friend but doing all those things couples do too. I don’t know. I just think that people with boyfriends or girlfriends who weren’t really friends before have a different balance of coupley stuff versus hanging out stuff.
I’ll also say that because of the way high school dating works, people tend to be friends with others before they are their bf/gf. But once we’re beyond high school, we meet people randomly and go on a date and if we hit it off, then that’s great. But in that case, you start off with the goal of finding a relationship partner or whatever, you know what I mean?
The problem with dating friends is the worry about whether the friendship will be ruined as a result of the relationship ending. Obviously high school relationships don’t last forever. It’s sad but it’s reality. I think that if you were friends before you started dating, you can remain friends afterwards. Of course, there is a period of awkwardness, but I can assure you, it will subside in time. And everything will be back to normal and in a little while you’ll be laughing about how you two dated way back when. The exception to this is if something bad happens that causes the end of the relationship. Something that totally kills every connection you ever had. Like, for example, infidelity or abuse or crazy personality transformations. Something like that would put into question the future of the friendship.
If you and your best-friend-of-the-opposite-sex (or same sex if you prefer: we don’t discriminate) are into eachother, I say go for it. Neither of you wants anything bad to happen, and 9 times out of 10 nothing will. You also get to skip over (most of) the awkward stuff because you’ll already be way more comfortable hanging out with eachother than you would with anyone else. But there is definitely awkward stuff. Like you’ve been so used to just being friends, how do you go about acting like you’re dating? What makes it any different? Aside from making out in the hallways at school, which is a practice I do not condone anyway. Once you give it a shot, it’s up to you to decide whether you like life better as friends or as more then friends and do what you will from there. But you never know until you try.
I don’t know if this answered the question (if there even was one), or any question for that matter.
We are back, for real this time!
So, we’re finally actually back. This time with real posts, written by us. Yay!
So, on to tonight’s topic: dating friends. April has kindly laid out some prompt questions for me to answer, because I like doing that, rather than just rambling, so, I’ll start answering.
Will it mess up the friendship? Well, I think that depends on what happens in the relationship. If you date and remain friends, but with physical attraction towards each other then I think that of course you can still be friends, at least during the tenure of your relationship. O course, if you break up in a way that is disagreeable to one, or both of you, then the likely hood that you will be friends after the fact grow less and less. This is not to say it can’t happen, but I think that it could cause a worse situation if you do break up. This would be based on the fact that if you had a lot of history together as friends and you had history together while in your relationship it is going to be worse if you break up badly. This is especially if the person that you begin dating is someone who is a best friend, someone you tell everything to already and you basically can’t live without. If that falls through if you break up (which it probably will at least for a little while) though, unless you have support in place of what your until recent boyfriend or girlfriend would have provided, you’re going to be in a much worse situation than you would if you still had your friend. So, there is the potential for a friendship to be messed up.
Is it different than dating non-friends? I think this is an interesting question, mostly because I don’t think I’d think about seriously dating someone, in the sense that I date it to mean (not just going on dates, but being a couple officially or whatever), unless I was friends with them. Now, dates can establish friendship and interest and that can grow into a relationship, but I think that you can’t totally discount friendship from a relationship. If you two can’t get along except when you’re making out with each other I don’t think it is really working to well. But, I’m sure some people see otherwise. I think though that dating a best-friend figure or a close friend is definitely different than dating someone who is only a sort of friend. I think that if you two are good friends already you’re going to be able to have a good time together almost no matter what, but otherwise you’re going to need to work at it more. So, I think that dating close friends can be helpful, it can be easier, but it can also of course cause problems as I just discussed in the last paragraph.
If you don’t date, will things be weird that way too? I think this is an excellent question. I think it depends on how you go about bringing up the subject to begin with between you two. I think that it is going to create some tension, some awkwardness no matter what you do, even if one party doesn’t know about the other liking them. But, I do think that things don’t necessarily have to be weird forever. The two people can stay friends, even if both are quite aware of the feelings that they either have, or had for each other. Obviously it also depends on the people, some people could totally freak out and it could cause a problem where the two people might not talk for a really long time, but for others it might just cause a more subtle tension and awkwardness, one where both of them know it is there, but it is harder to detect unless you know what is going on.
So, even though I think most of what I just wrote seemed rather negative, I feel that dating between friends isn’t a bad thing. It can work out just fine, but sometimes it isn’t for the best. You just have to be aware of what is going on and how things are working out, because I think that it can get awkward very quickly, possibly more quickly that with someone you don’t really know, or aren’t really good friends with.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
We're Back. Sort of
So, April and I aren't really back, but we do have a guest post for you to tide you over until we can blog. Which should be some time this week.
Thanks for your patience, everyone.
So, guest post, by an anonymous author.
What should I do, what would you say?
I feel this more and more each day.
Feelings for a good friend of mine,
her own emotions, I cannot divine.
Should I be content with this?
Or risk all for a single, sweet kiss?
Is it worth it, honestly, dear?
A friendship for naught but a tear?
A mistake I made, many years ago.
I do not know. It tortures me so.
Thanks for your patience, everyone.
So, guest post, by an anonymous author.
What should I do, what would you say?
I feel this more and more each day.
Feelings for a good friend of mine,
her own emotions, I cannot divine.
Should I be content with this?
Or risk all for a single, sweet kiss?
Is it worth it, honestly, dear?
A friendship for naught but a tear?
A mistake I made, many years ago.
I do not know. It tortures me so.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Public Service Announcement.
Duncan and I are juniors. It is almost May. Therefore, we are DYING. So, the blog will have to be put on hiatus until after AP week, Prom, SATs and SAT IIs, etc. We'll hopefully be back in two weeks.
Guest posts are still welcome, if you are lucky and don't have a crapload of stuff to do in the coming month.
Girls to: watermelon404@gmail.com
Guys to: dmaclaur@nycap.rr.com
Guest posts are still welcome, if you are lucky and don't have a crapload of stuff to do in the coming month.
Girls to: watermelon404@gmail.com
Guys to: dmaclaur@nycap.rr.com
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I’m really pretty passionate about this topic: HONEST ≠ MEAN.
It really pisses me off when people aren’t straightforward with things that need to be straightforward. If someone likes you and they make it clear, it’s up to you to let them know how you feel, straight up. If you like them at first and then change your mind, it is DEFINITELY your responsibility to let them know, straight up. Otherwise, you’re leading them on, or continuing on with something that isn’t true anymore.
Of course, sometimes, the other person can detect your change of heart, but in my experience, they either a) don’t detect anything, b) are in denial about it, or c) misinterpret everything. So, my advice is to tell it like it is anyway. Just in case.
I’ve always been a big proponent of this. If someone likes you, and you don’t like them TELL THEM. Do not make them think there is a possibility that you could like them, don’t make them think you like them, and god forbid, do not be crazy flirtacious with them. It’s NOT MEAN to tell them the truth. You’re not breaking their heart; you’re letting them down early and quick and easy. If you keep going, leading them on, it’s going to be harder to let them down and the effects will be much worse. THAT will break their heart.
It just really annoys me when people say that they can’t let someone down because it would be too mean. It’s not mean. It’s honest and a helluva lot nicer than lying to them about how you feel. No one wants to be played.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong in doing what you want because you’ll be happier with it. If you want to go for some girl, but you’re kind of committed to another, choose one, and let the other know immediately. Don’t woo two girls at once. Don’t feel like a jerk for switching girls too quickly, but definitely consider yourself a jackass if you aren’t upfront about it as soon as you know what you want.
Basically, don’t be afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s how this stuff works. And remember that being honest is not being mean. Being mean is lying to yourself and everyone else about everything.
Of course, sometimes, the other person can detect your change of heart, but in my experience, they either a) don’t detect anything, b) are in denial about it, or c) misinterpret everything. So, my advice is to tell it like it is anyway. Just in case.
I’ve always been a big proponent of this. If someone likes you, and you don’t like them TELL THEM. Do not make them think there is a possibility that you could like them, don’t make them think you like them, and god forbid, do not be crazy flirtacious with them. It’s NOT MEAN to tell them the truth. You’re not breaking their heart; you’re letting them down early and quick and easy. If you keep going, leading them on, it’s going to be harder to let them down and the effects will be much worse. THAT will break their heart.
It just really annoys me when people say that they can’t let someone down because it would be too mean. It’s not mean. It’s honest and a helluva lot nicer than lying to them about how you feel. No one wants to be played.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong in doing what you want because you’ll be happier with it. If you want to go for some girl, but you’re kind of committed to another, choose one, and let the other know immediately. Don’t woo two girls at once. Don’t feel like a jerk for switching girls too quickly, but definitely consider yourself a jackass if you aren’t upfront about it as soon as you know what you want.
Basically, don’t be afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s how this stuff works. And remember that being honest is not being mean. Being mean is lying to yourself and everyone else about everything.
HONESTY: be honest, it's not mean.
So, today’s topic (yeah, I know it isn’t Sunday. April and I were bored, and felt that, you, the devoted reader deserved another blogging before Sunday) is all about honesty. I guess mostly in relationships, but in everything really.
So, in my opinion, honesty is one of the most important virtues to have. Not skirting around difficult issues when they need to be addressed, not making up half-truths, and not lying in anyway. I try to hold myself up to my standard. I try not to put too much padding on what I say, and sometimes, a lot of times, it makes me come off as blunt, as callous, all those type of adjectives. But, I believe in the better interest of society, of people, of the world, my attempt to tell the truth in what I do is a good thing.
Right now, of course I’m talking very generally about the issue of lying. But, that is because, to relate lying to relationships I believe that it needs to be first supported outside of relationships. You can’t just be a truthful person to your significant other and then lie to all your friends about how much you and your partner had sex over the weekend. It doesn’t work like that. Well, actually, it sometimes does, but that’s beside the point. The point is that lying, in whatever shape or form, whether it is for ill or good, is not a good thing to do. Lying to protect someone isn’t helping them, it isn’t helping simplify the situation or dull the pain. It is only making the later revelation of the truth that much harsher. That of course assumes that the person who was lied to finds out the truth later, but even if this isn’t the case, the issue still stands as it isn’t just an issue of someone’s feelings being hurt more by lying to them, but as a moral issue that should be eliminated all together.
Now, I’m not going to say that all lying is necessarily totally bad. Sometimes it has its merits, but, no matter the merits of the situation that lying is conveying, I don’t think it is the proper course of action.
To reference the title of this post: Well, I don’t know if honesty is never mean, though that could depend on your definition of mean. It can easily be mean, calling someone fat (when they actually are), saying someone’s hair is a mess (when it really is). But, the way that honesty is delivered is one of the ways in which this gruffness can be combated. By calling an obese person fat you aren’t actually helping them by telling the truth. But, in theory, the truth can be helpful in that, in the example of the obese person, it can get them to realize that, yes, they are overweight and that they need to do something about it. And that can help the situation.
Of course, this doesn’t always happen, sometimes the truth is just something that is truthful, and not something that is necessary for personal improvement.
Ok, I feel that I’m getting sort of really general here, let me try to figure out what I’m trying to say really…
Ok. So, I don’t know, a lot of that is just really repetitive. So, onto relationship honesty:
In a relationship, one of the most important things that can happen is that the couple can share a bond of trust. This doesn’t mean that you need to tell each other every little detail of each other’s lives, but that you can trust the person to be there for you, to listen to you, to help you. This of course can develop in friendship as well. But the important thing about this trust is that it should be honest. It shouldn’t involve you always saying your significant other looks good in that pair of pants, when really, they don’t look good in them. Honesty should be paramount in that you can say anything and it can be accepted as truth. The other major point of relationships where honesty is important is in breaking up, as April and I dealt with on Sunday. But I’ll recap: when breaking up be honest about the reason why, don’t give lame excuses and reason you two can’t be together anymore. It’s never appreciated and doesn’t come off as sincere or truthful at all. So, just tell the truth.
Alright, to finish I’m going to talk about my biggest paradox in my advocacy of honesty: I’m both really sarcastic and I tell a lot of jokes. Now, a lot of the time, sarcasm and jokes deal with untrue subject matter and those make up my biggest paradox in terms of honesty. I am willing to tell almost anyone I know almost anything if they ask it of me, but I well berate, insult, belittle and be sarcastic to almost anyone as well. And most of the time, the things I say are not true, I don’t mean what I say, but, is that really an excuse for what I do? Eh, not really. But that is a discussion for another time really.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Dumping...dun, dun, dunnnn. (bring on the waterworks! lots of ice cream too!)
This topic came up a couple weeks ago at school, because apparently it was a health class assignment to write about how you’d want to be dumped or something? I personally have never been officially dumped, but I’ve never really been in much of a relationship before either. I do, however, know how I’d want to be dumped and how I would dump someone else.
Unless you’re in a messed up relationship, I would expect you can tell when a breakup is about to happen. Maybe things aren’t going well, or you never really talk or the fabulosity that your relationship once was isn’t there anymore. If that was the case, I’d say it’d be a “mutual breakup.” Some dispute that such a thing actually exists, but I believe it’s 100% possible. This would be my ideal breakup: sitting down and talking, and coming to the conclusion that you’re just not right for eachother. Sure it will be hard and there will be tears but it’s all on good terms.
But ideal breakups don’t always happen. In our imperfect world, things happen. Like, maybe you and your sig. other get into a huge fight, and one person screams “IT’S OVER!!” (like they do in movies) and you cry and wallow in anger and self-pity. Once you get over the initial shock, closure is totally necessary. You have to decide to move on without the anger emotion clouding your thoughts.
If your sig. other cheats on you, I guess it’s up to you to decide on giving second chances or not. On principle, I would say no way in hell do they deserve a second chance, but at the same time, I would totally probably give one anyway. It’s probably bad. But what can I say?
Anyway. I would prefer to be dumped in person. I would also prefer to dump someone else in person. It’s just so much more real, not to mention respectful. Over the phone is the tiniest step down from in person, so if you’re going to do that, why not just take the extra ounce of effort and meet them face to face? The worst ways to dump are facebook, email and texting. Texting is just a huge slap in the face. Like could you please care enough to at least dump me in person? And facebook. If you want your breakup all over the internet, be my guest and let everyone see the comment that ends your relationship. My problem with email is that the time you send the email and the time it’s received do not coincide at all. So when you’re done with the relationship, they don’t know it yet, and that’s just weird. Finally, there’s AIM. I know it’s not the best way, but sometimes it’s the only way. Maybe it’s impersonal, but it’s a way to get all your thoughts and feelings out at once, with an immediate response. In person, you can’t say everything at once. Emotions and the person’s response could totally inhibit that.
When I was talking about this a couple weeks ago, I was asked what I would actually say. It all depends on how the person reacts. But I’d start with, “I think we should break up.” Simple as that. But then, one of the guys I was talking to said that saying “I think” would be unfair, because they could say “I think we should stay together” and they couldn’t really have their wish. If I were to break up with someone, there is no way that I would let myself be convinced to change my mind. I would go in with the intention of breaking up and come out of it newly single, without a doubt. I also don’t think I could ever break up impulsively; I don’t trust myself enough to do that. I’d be afraid of regretting my decision later.
If I were to be dumped, I’d want the reason to be sincere and a good one. I’d want the person to be sensitive and caring about it. But then again, if the reason was jerky and stupid, I’d have a better reason to hate the guy. But in all honesty, I wouldn’t want to hate the guy. Which brings me to my next and final topic....
Staying friends after the breakup. It’s possible, it really is. But I think it’s more likely if the two of you were friends before the relationship. If you guys met and immediately started dating, it’d be harder to be friends afterwards since you were never friend before. I hate the idea that a relationship, something that is good, can potentially end something like a friendship. Of course, it takes time after a breakup to be friends again, but if you let the hard feelings and awkwardness subside, it can happen.
So I lied. I just thought of one more little thing. Never regret a relationship you were in. For that matter, never regret anything. But seriously, if you had never been in that relationship, no matter how good or bad it was, you wouldn’t be the same person you are after the fact. Just sayin’.
Unless you’re in a messed up relationship, I would expect you can tell when a breakup is about to happen. Maybe things aren’t going well, or you never really talk or the fabulosity that your relationship once was isn’t there anymore. If that was the case, I’d say it’d be a “mutual breakup.” Some dispute that such a thing actually exists, but I believe it’s 100% possible. This would be my ideal breakup: sitting down and talking, and coming to the conclusion that you’re just not right for eachother. Sure it will be hard and there will be tears but it’s all on good terms.
But ideal breakups don’t always happen. In our imperfect world, things happen. Like, maybe you and your sig. other get into a huge fight, and one person screams “IT’S OVER!!” (like they do in movies) and you cry and wallow in anger and self-pity. Once you get over the initial shock, closure is totally necessary. You have to decide to move on without the anger emotion clouding your thoughts.
If your sig. other cheats on you, I guess it’s up to you to decide on giving second chances or not. On principle, I would say no way in hell do they deserve a second chance, but at the same time, I would totally probably give one anyway. It’s probably bad. But what can I say?
Anyway. I would prefer to be dumped in person. I would also prefer to dump someone else in person. It’s just so much more real, not to mention respectful. Over the phone is the tiniest step down from in person, so if you’re going to do that, why not just take the extra ounce of effort and meet them face to face? The worst ways to dump are facebook, email and texting. Texting is just a huge slap in the face. Like could you please care enough to at least dump me in person? And facebook. If you want your breakup all over the internet, be my guest and let everyone see the comment that ends your relationship. My problem with email is that the time you send the email and the time it’s received do not coincide at all. So when you’re done with the relationship, they don’t know it yet, and that’s just weird. Finally, there’s AIM. I know it’s not the best way, but sometimes it’s the only way. Maybe it’s impersonal, but it’s a way to get all your thoughts and feelings out at once, with an immediate response. In person, you can’t say everything at once. Emotions and the person’s response could totally inhibit that.
When I was talking about this a couple weeks ago, I was asked what I would actually say. It all depends on how the person reacts. But I’d start with, “I think we should break up.” Simple as that. But then, one of the guys I was talking to said that saying “I think” would be unfair, because they could say “I think we should stay together” and they couldn’t really have their wish. If I were to break up with someone, there is no way that I would let myself be convinced to change my mind. I would go in with the intention of breaking up and come out of it newly single, without a doubt. I also don’t think I could ever break up impulsively; I don’t trust myself enough to do that. I’d be afraid of regretting my decision later.
If I were to be dumped, I’d want the reason to be sincere and a good one. I’d want the person to be sensitive and caring about it. But then again, if the reason was jerky and stupid, I’d have a better reason to hate the guy. But in all honesty, I wouldn’t want to hate the guy. Which brings me to my next and final topic....
Staying friends after the breakup. It’s possible, it really is. But I think it’s more likely if the two of you were friends before the relationship. If you guys met and immediately started dating, it’d be harder to be friends afterwards since you were never friend before. I hate the idea that a relationship, something that is good, can potentially end something like a friendship. Of course, it takes time after a breakup to be friends again, but if you let the hard feelings and awkwardness subside, it can happen.
So I lied. I just thought of one more little thing. Never regret a relationship you were in. For that matter, never regret anything. But seriously, if you had never been in that relationship, no matter how good or bad it was, you wouldn’t be the same person you are after the fact. Just sayin’.
What happens when you get dumped!? Oh no!
How to dump someone. If you were being dumped, what kinds of things would piss you off, what kinds of things would you prefer (AIM vs in person vs phone, etc), is it possible to still be friends, where would you do it? At their house or on a date?
So, we’re back, finally. This weekly blogging thing is much easier. But now we basically never update. Anyway, back to the updating.
So, that’s the topic up there at the top, it’s a good question, and one which I’m sure many people have asked themselves. So, I guess I’ll just answer the questions that are posed in the topic:
So, what things would I prefer and what don’t I like about getting dumped? Well, if you’re going to dump someone the best way to do it, in my mind is in person, in a neutral place that doesn’t make the situation awkward. Like, you can’t do it in a place that neither of you can leave; therefore, no dumping your significant other on a boat. You get the idea. If both of you have ways of leaving with little attention brought to the fact that you’re leaving then that is best possible situation, at least in my mind. This is of course only really important for breaking up when you either want to remain friends (which I’ll talk about later) or you just don’t want to make a scene. So, like the topic says, you don’t want to have to break up with someone at their house, it puts one person on the defensive anyway, because they don’t live there, and if they are the one being broken up with then they have to leave their now exes house. And that’s just awkward. The only time it might be acceptable to break up with someone at their house is if the person doing the breaking up is leaving and breaks up with the person who lives in the house. That way there is already a leaving motion and it can be continued and not awkward, or at least not as bad. But really, anything that involves the two of you alone, like a date or at a house is a bad idea.
That doesn’t mean though that breaking up should be public, but you shouldn’t be so alone that you both can’t run off to your respective friends, or at least other people. So, you can’t break up while you’re on a date, or really right after one, unless it went badly, then it can happen. But if you break up after a date that seems to go well the dumpee is going to feel really bad. Basically you don’t want to give false hope when you’re on the verge of breaking up. In theory, perfectly, both parties should know it is coming and understand where it is coming from. This of course doesn’t always happen. This is why when you are dumping someone, or even if you are being dumped, you want to talk about it with the other person. Don’t just let it happen and then later wonder what was wrong. If you don’t know, ask about it. Because if you understand what was wrong you can either fix it for yourself and future relationships, or just know and not have to wonder about it forever.
So, I basically covered how to break up, whether in person or on the phone or online. The best way is definitely in person. Though, that can depend on how the person is going to react of course. A phone could be easier just because it can provide more distance. But, I think that generally breaking up should be done in person, face to face, so that you can actually talk about what happened or whatever.
So, finally, is it possible to still be friends. Well, I’d say it is. I’m best friends with one girl who broke up with me and good friends with another. Of course, I’ve also dated one person three times and so we broke up, and then got back together about a year later, and then the same thing happened again. But, we remained friends through all of that so I don’t think you can say it can’t be done. But, depending on the relationship itself, as well as the previous connection before the relationship started it could affect how well exes can still be friends. If the relationship was something that involved a lot of friends like activity, then eventually I think that the couple can be friends. Not immediately of course. You do need some time apart just to not make it really weird. But, you can go about your normal business pretty easily and still be friends with the person after a break up in that case. But, if the relationship was mostly based on relationship type things, going on dating and being all lovey and stuff, then it’s much harder to be friends. So, basically, if you’re friends with your significant other outside of dating them, then yeah, you’ll probably be able to still be friends, otherwise it’s a lot harder.
So, I think that’s enough about that. I need to go to sleep, I have work in the morning.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Ladder Theory! Yay climbing?
So, ladder theory. Now, I’ve known about, or at least I read the website that April posted, a couple of years ago. So I know all about ladder theory, at least in theory. Haha
Anyway, ladder theory is basically a way to look at how both men and women look at and judge people they are attracted to. I’d suggest reading the site posted on April’s post because I don’t want to explain it all.
So, ladder theory in my opinion has both its strong points and its faults. On the surface it seems to me to be a pretty sound idea. People place other people on “ladders” in rank order depending on how much they are attracted to the person. Or really how much the person wants to have sex with the person they are judging. Of course, judging from April and my posts a while ago, sex isn’t the only thing on guy’s minds, or on a girl’s. So, that’s problem number one with ladder theory. I do have to say though, that the general idea, that people either consciously or subconsciously place others on ladders in their minds based on the amount they want to have sex with them is interesting. I think, while all of ladder theory might not be totally correct, parts of it can certainly be truthful.
Some more faults of ladder theory: The pie charts depicting the ways that men and women place people on the ladder. Now, I don’t know if that is entirely true. I think that for me, where I’m not trying to have sex with every woman I meet, makes things different for the chart of how I place people on the ladder. But in the “real world” I don’t know how that is going to actually work out really in terms of attraction. I do think though that there is a definite way that both guys and girls size up other people they meet and then they place them on a ladder. Now, this criterion might change for each person, and that would actually make a lot of sense instead of it being a blanket percentage for each sex with what they find attractive.
Now, they way that the website further breaks down how women find men attractive seems to me, from a male standpoint to be somewhat true. While possibly not always true, I don’t think that money and power are really the only things going for guys, granted, I think it’s pretty accurate a lot of the time. But, in general it isn’t the only thing, not truly. Maybe outwardly it is, but a lot of the time it really isn’t that important and the girl actually likes the guy based on his personality and not because he has 13 cars and 20 million dollars of cash to spend on her.
I do agree though with the way that the attraction category of the woman’s pie chart is broken down. I think that definitely the things that are described do play a role. But, I also think that it isn’t entirely true because, like I said, it isn’t like women don’t care about a guy’s personality. Now, I know with some girls that those factors do play into the girl finding the guy attractive, but the actual want to be with the guy, and date him or whatever isn’t caused by this. It’s caused by other things than just him being rich and being “cool.” Now, granted, this is only for so many girls that I know. I’m sure that a lot of people fit the stereotype.
In terms of the ladders and how they work, I agree with them, as I said before. I think that in terms of the guy’s ladder, it’s pretty accurate. But there are of course factors into how the guy is going to approach the women on his ladder, because he might know that someone of them definitely aren’t going to want him and still be high on his ladder. I know this happens with me.
The way the woman’s ladder is set up is also in my mind pretty try. The two ladder idea, with one being a “friend zone” type idea. I think this is pretty true. Now, maybe, again it doesn’t apply to everyone, but, generally I think that the idea that there are two separate ladders for a lot of girls is true. I don’t know if I think that you are immediately put on one or the other when you first meet someone, but I do think that it is very hard to move from friend’s ladder to attraction ladder.
The last point and one of the last parts of the website, deals with women not being able to be friends with guys. I think that is this false for a number of reasons. Well, actually, it could be true for a lot of people. But, for me at least the three things that are listed as having to be true for guys to be friends with girls don’t really work. I am neither gay, not attracted to some of my female friends, or placing other real people way above many of them on my “ladder.” I think this comes down to me not being a mindless sex wanting robot. And since I’m not that, I can balance my attraction for a girl with my friendship with her. Now, granted, as the website suggests, I’d probably totally have sex with a lot of my friends who are girls if it was totally not strings attached. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be friends with them in any way. Because unless they’re offering, I know better than to cross that line because I’m not stupid.
Ok, so this is a really super long post. Almost a thousand words, which is pretty sweet. But, I think I’m going to finish up because I’ve pretty much exhausted my brain of ideas about the topic. But, I’m sure I’ll think of something else once I actually read April’s post.
Check this out: The Ladder Theory
One of my friends pointed out this website to me:
Ladder Theory
If you go through and read the whole thing, it brings up some interesting points. I don’t really agree with most of them.
First, it says that the thing women care about most in a man is money/power. And that we say we care about sense of humor/sensitivity/intelligence/etc but we actually don’t. That’s retarded. Of course there are women who will marry someone for his money, but they’re what we call golddiggers. I don’t believe that women care more about wealth than personality. It’s kind of insulting and full of crap.
It also says: “A guy who is a complete asshole to a woman seems to somehow look better to them.” Again, not true. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. I think I speak for both sexes when I say that attraction to one’s personality makes them more physically attractive.
I think a lot of the arguments this website makes come from women who are unsure of what they want and probably somewhat immature. Like, that women want a guy who deals drugs because he’s more interesting? I mean, sure once in a while, we can date “bad boys.” But in the end, we’re going to find someone who isn’t screwed up. I think it takes a certain level of maturity to realize that “exciting” boyfriends aren’t actually that great.
Well. In going through this website more, I realize it’s more about who you’ll have sex with as opposed to be in a relationship with. So the whole theory is based on a rating system which differs between the sexes, and when you see someone, you rate them, and the higher their rating, the higher they are on the ladder. The higher they are on the ladder, the more you want to have sex with them....What a dumb theory.
But anyway, it goes on to talk about women and how we have not one, but two ladders. One is for guys who are just friends who will never “get to have sex with her.” And if a guy is on the friends ladder, but doesn’t know it, and he makes a move on the girl, she’ll shut him down. I kind of can’t argue with this one. There are just some guys that aren’t dateable. And Duncan and I have discussed this before, though not necessarily on the blog. It’s called the “friend zone” and it just means that that level of attraction is not there. I guess it does suck if you like someone and they don’t see you as more than a friend or brother/sister type.
The website says that if a girl says any of the following to a guy, he should realize he’s on the friend ladder: “You’re like a brother to me,” “You’re like a big teddy bear,” “I feel like I can talk to you about anything,” “You’re so nice,” and “Can you help me with my homework?” The first two, I agree with. Obviously, a girl isn’t going to date her brother/brother-like figure. The rest don’t mean anything. I don’t see how they give any clue as to whether a guy is in the “friend zone” or not.
This Ladder Theory also states that women cannot have guy friends. WHAT A LIE. I would die if I didn’t have guy friends. It does qualify the argument by saying:
There are exactly 3 cases whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:
1. The guy is gay
2. The guy does not find you attractive
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder
Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:
1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.
2. Comply.
This website is ridiculously and obnoxiously hilarious. But I still think there are times when the guy can be straight, single and find a girl attractive, but not be attracted to her. Like, to the point where having sex would just be awkward. So, I’m officially completely disagreeing with this theory.
I think this is enough talk about the Ladder Theory for one night. There’s a TON of stuff on the website we could talk about, and we probably will at some point.
Ladder Theory
If you go through and read the whole thing, it brings up some interesting points. I don’t really agree with most of them.
First, it says that the thing women care about most in a man is money/power. And that we say we care about sense of humor/sensitivity/intelligence/etc but we actually don’t. That’s retarded. Of course there are women who will marry someone for his money, but they’re what we call golddiggers. I don’t believe that women care more about wealth than personality. It’s kind of insulting and full of crap.
It also says: “A guy who is a complete asshole to a woman seems to somehow look better to them.” Again, not true. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. I think I speak for both sexes when I say that attraction to one’s personality makes them more physically attractive.
I think a lot of the arguments this website makes come from women who are unsure of what they want and probably somewhat immature. Like, that women want a guy who deals drugs because he’s more interesting? I mean, sure once in a while, we can date “bad boys.” But in the end, we’re going to find someone who isn’t screwed up. I think it takes a certain level of maturity to realize that “exciting” boyfriends aren’t actually that great.
Well. In going through this website more, I realize it’s more about who you’ll have sex with as opposed to be in a relationship with. So the whole theory is based on a rating system which differs between the sexes, and when you see someone, you rate them, and the higher their rating, the higher they are on the ladder. The higher they are on the ladder, the more you want to have sex with them....What a dumb theory.
But anyway, it goes on to talk about women and how we have not one, but two ladders. One is for guys who are just friends who will never “get to have sex with her.” And if a guy is on the friends ladder, but doesn’t know it, and he makes a move on the girl, she’ll shut him down. I kind of can’t argue with this one. There are just some guys that aren’t dateable. And Duncan and I have discussed this before, though not necessarily on the blog. It’s called the “friend zone” and it just means that that level of attraction is not there. I guess it does suck if you like someone and they don’t see you as more than a friend or brother/sister type.
The website says that if a girl says any of the following to a guy, he should realize he’s on the friend ladder: “You’re like a brother to me,” “You’re like a big teddy bear,” “I feel like I can talk to you about anything,” “You’re so nice,” and “Can you help me with my homework?” The first two, I agree with. Obviously, a girl isn’t going to date her brother/brother-like figure. The rest don’t mean anything. I don’t see how they give any clue as to whether a guy is in the “friend zone” or not.
This Ladder Theory also states that women cannot have guy friends. WHAT A LIE. I would die if I didn’t have guy friends. It does qualify the argument by saying:
There are exactly 3 cases whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:
1. The guy is gay
2. The guy does not find you attractive
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder
Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:
1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.
2. Comply.
This website is ridiculously and obnoxiously hilarious. But I still think there are times when the guy can be straight, single and find a girl attractive, but not be attracted to her. Like, to the point where having sex would just be awkward. So, I’m officially completely disagreeing with this theory.
I think this is enough talk about the Ladder Theory for one night. There’s a TON of stuff on the website we could talk about, and we probably will at some point.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Prommmmm-oh-omm-oh-ommmm...??
Prom is a huge deal. I don’t really know why, but it just is. And part of prom is getting dates.
Duncan basically said everything already.
I don’t know how I feel about getting a date for the sake of getting a date. That seems like you’re using the person just to go to prom and have some arm candy. But then again, I can’t blame people who do that, because I would do it too. Though I wouldn’t go with someone I wasn’t gonna have fun with. But I would also probably have fun with almost anyone. But for those people who don’t have a certain person in mind, should they even care about getting a date? What happened to all those uplifting pep talks (thank you duncan) about going stag and being independent and all that good stuff? No one wants to do that. I think I’d rather skip prom than go alone. If everyone else has dates, what are you supposed to do by yourself?
I think the best thing to do for prom is to go as friends. That way, you don’t have to worry about what the other person wants from you and you can have a good time. You’re also not obligated to spend the whole time with your date.
I would imagine it’s really awkward if you get asked by someone who likes you that you don’t like back. If they expect you to fall in love with them by the end of prom night, you’re just not going to have a good time. Unless you actually do fall in love with them.
I think it’s stupid to ask someone to prom because you want to go out with them eventually. Prom askings go on waaaaay before the actual dance; what if you don’t like them anymore by prom night? Unless you’re the kind of person who likes the same person for years and years, which I most certainly am not.
But for those who are hopeful enough to believe that a miracle will happen because of prom night regarding you and your date, I can’t help but root for you. It’d be like a movie!!! :] But I imagine prom as, like, a Cinderella type ball where you wear a pretty gown and get swept off your feet by a dashing prince (haha) and the whole night is very fairy-tale like and fantastic.
If you’re planning on “making a move” ( to use Duncan’s words) on prom night, though, I think that’s a little crazy. Make your move before prom and then just enjoy yourself on prom night. Don’t wait for one night just because it’s a crazy insane high school dance. If you want something to happen, make it happen now. The fact that prom is weeks away is just an excuse for you to postpone a bold and probably scary move. Some may argue that asking someone to prom is a bold and scary move, and maybe it is, but it doesn’t accomplish much. All you’re doing is asking a question and hoping they answer correctly. There’s no further interaction other than limo planning and apparel matching.
That’s probably off-topic. Duncan is yelling at me to wrap up, and I probably should. The point is, in ten or twenty years, it’s not going to matter who you took, what you did, if you got the girl (or guy) but whether you had a good time. So just set that as your goal, and you’re golden.
Duncan basically said everything already.
I don’t know how I feel about getting a date for the sake of getting a date. That seems like you’re using the person just to go to prom and have some arm candy. But then again, I can’t blame people who do that, because I would do it too. Though I wouldn’t go with someone I wasn’t gonna have fun with. But I would also probably have fun with almost anyone. But for those people who don’t have a certain person in mind, should they even care about getting a date? What happened to all those uplifting pep talks (thank you duncan) about going stag and being independent and all that good stuff? No one wants to do that. I think I’d rather skip prom than go alone. If everyone else has dates, what are you supposed to do by yourself?
I think the best thing to do for prom is to go as friends. That way, you don’t have to worry about what the other person wants from you and you can have a good time. You’re also not obligated to spend the whole time with your date.
I would imagine it’s really awkward if you get asked by someone who likes you that you don’t like back. If they expect you to fall in love with them by the end of prom night, you’re just not going to have a good time. Unless you actually do fall in love with them.
I think it’s stupid to ask someone to prom because you want to go out with them eventually. Prom askings go on waaaaay before the actual dance; what if you don’t like them anymore by prom night? Unless you’re the kind of person who likes the same person for years and years, which I most certainly am not.
But for those who are hopeful enough to believe that a miracle will happen because of prom night regarding you and your date, I can’t help but root for you. It’d be like a movie!!! :] But I imagine prom as, like, a Cinderella type ball where you wear a pretty gown and get swept off your feet by a dashing prince (haha) and the whole night is very fairy-tale like and fantastic.
If you’re planning on “making a move” ( to use Duncan’s words) on prom night, though, I think that’s a little crazy. Make your move before prom and then just enjoy yourself on prom night. Don’t wait for one night just because it’s a crazy insane high school dance. If you want something to happen, make it happen now. The fact that prom is weeks away is just an excuse for you to postpone a bold and probably scary move. Some may argue that asking someone to prom is a bold and scary move, and maybe it is, but it doesn’t accomplish much. All you’re doing is asking a question and hoping they answer correctly. There’s no further interaction other than limo planning and apparel matching.
That’s probably off-topic. Duncan is yelling at me to wrap up, and I probably should. The point is, in ten or twenty years, it’s not going to matter who you took, what you did, if you got the girl (or guy) but whether you had a good time. So just set that as your goal, and you’re golden.
A topic about Prom. Yay!...?
So, April and I decided to create an actual list of future topics for a while now, so we have an actual topic that can be specified:
Prom: Date for the sake of a date? What about going as friends? Asking to prom with intention of going out later? (As in, "will you go to prom with me? By that I mean I like you")
So, this topic is an interesting one. Prom is one of those things that it seems everyone is thinking about this time of year. But, what is prom really? Is it just another dance, except you have to get extra dressed up? Or is it something special where you should ask the love of your life to?
I guess that isn’t really addressing the question, but I think it ties into it. I think that some of the way that you view what prom is can change what you think of taking a date to prom. If you feel that prom is something very special, and all that jazz, maybe asking someone to prom, or taking someone to prom has that much more connection for you than for you than for someone who feels that prom is just another dance and are just taking a date as a friend.
But then comes the question, can it really be just defined by these two polar opposites. Where one side has to think that asking someone to prom is basically telling them you like them and then other side believes that going to prom as just friends is perfectly normal, and maybe even better.
Of course it can’t be that simple, we as humans have way too many emotions and such things that keep us from being that logical about such things as prom. I guess then we should look as what I believe. What I think about the whole situation; because that is where I’m going to be able to provide input, whereas if I just talk in the abstract it will be just that, abstract and possibly boring or uninformative.
So, I can see both arguments being made. That prom is a dance where you should be asking someone you like as opposed to just going as friends with someone. It has a connotation as being a “special night” whatever that may mean, depending on your idea of special and your preferred movie dealing with high school situations. But, one concurrent theme in these stereotypes is that prom is special and to make it perfect you have to take your crush and you two have to fall in love that night. Of course, now I’m sounding like April after she’s watched a particularly sappy movie. But, there is a valid point, the conventional wisdom that prom is a special night can possibly help to advance you toward a goal of getting closer to the person you like.
Of course, with all of this complicated liking the person you’re going to prom with comes the possibility that you stop liking them, or that they don’t like you and that the rest of the night becomes seriously awkward, or something to that effect. Which could be one of the reasons for the cornucopia of teenage drinking that occurs at prom, or before prom, or after prom. But, I digress. Wouldn’t this be able to be very easily solved by just taking someone who is your friend to prom? You have no expectations; you can just have a good time. You know you will with them, you’re good friends. And this can make the night both less “special” and more fun. Now, I’m again technically speaking in the abstract since I haven’t been to prom yet, but I think that I’m judging the situation in a way that is both logical and fair.
So, maybe one way to look at the situation is how you want to place your bet. One the one hand, the date that you take could be someone who you like and have intentions of “making a move” on during the night, whatever that may mean to you; or your date could be a good friend who you’ll have a good time with no matter what. On the one hand you could be utterly ruined in both any sort of friendship with the person as well as chance with them, and it could ruin both of your prom’s; on the other hand you could not have the chance, the easy chance, to make yourself known to the other person and to get a favorable outcome.
So, it’s the gamble between the risk and the safe bet.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
How are we mysterious? All we want to do is make out.
Really, though, those excerpts from the article that April mentioned in her previous post seem to pretty accurately reflect guys, at least in my opinion. Now, a lot of what is said in the article (the parts that aren’t the guys being quoted) are generalizations which are true a lot of the time. Yeah, sometimes I think about making out with girls; a lot actually. But that doesn’t mean that it actually is really my sole purpose in life.
April brings up a good point, it turns her off to guys when she thinks about them only wanting to make out and have sex and stuff. Now, granted, I think that is a little bit of a hyperbole, and also doesn’t apply to everyone I’m sure, but I think that it can explain one of the reasons that guys act differently than we think, or at least how Seventeen thinks we think.
So, April does have a point, we definitely don’t totally think like that all the time. But the idea that guys are like the ones in movies and on TV, who are the “perfect” guy and stuff is definitely not true. Sure, we want an emotional connection to, we aren’t that stupid as to just want to have sex and make out all the time. Really, we aren’t that shallow. But, think that the way that a lot of guys express their love, like, attraction, whatever is different than girls and that gives an impression that we just want to make out.
So, I’ll respond to some specific things April complained about:
“BRAIN SCAN: Find out what he’s really thinking when you’re...cuddling
“I’m basically thinking about how warm and soft she is. After a while, I get bored just cuddling, and I start to feel antsy. That’s when I’m thinking about how I want to touch her breast.” - Aaron, 19
Again, kind of annoying. Like, can guys just not think about things like that?”
Ok, so while yes, I can see where Aaron is coming from with this, and I can see where April is coming from. I don’t think it is a really entirely accurate reflection of guys as a whole. Sure, sometimes you’re restless and don’t want to just be comfortable. But, a lot of the time, at least for me, just being comfortable on a girl is really nice. And generally, I don’t think about anything unless I’m trying to get something going. If I’m just there to watch a movie and I’m lying on my girlfriend or whoever, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to always turn my thinking to the girls breasts.
But I’m just speaking for myself.
“But that’s not to say guys aren’t doing things right. There are plenty of things guys do that are adorable. Like...
[at the movies] “If it’s the first date, all I’m thinking about isi what to do when. Do you hold her hand or put your arm around her? How do you transition your arm from your side to around her shoulder? What does she want you do to do? Honestly, the movie is the last thing on my mind.” -Isaac, 20
and
[at the end of the night] “I’m probably kicking myself for spilling something at dinner or being clumsy. At the same time, I just hope she likes me. If she stalls when we get back to her place, I’ll go in for a kiss. It’s nerve-racking, but I try to play it cool.” -Garrett, 18
I agree with April, these two guys are pretty cute. And I definitely agree with them. Both of those things are definitely things that I think about. Especially the movies, what do you do? Because holding hands, or arm around the shoulders can be either right or really awkward and you want to find the right thing to do, but that’s a difficult thing to do. And to the second part, yeah, definitely guys do stupid things a lot. And we’ll worry about little things we did that might throw stuff off in our minds. Because, especially when a guy is taking a girl out somewhere, even if they are actually dating and like each other, anything stupid the guy does is going to be noticed by the girl and we don’t want to be seen as less than perfect.
Ok. So I think I’m about done posting to tonight. Check out both April’s post and the new guest post as well.
another guest post!
Hey everyone,
I’m Cyril the newest addition to this strange and philosophical blog, if that’s what you want to call it. There are a million things I could write about but I think for this post I’ll talk about the thing that aggravates me most about the female gender.
Now don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to put women down in any way whatsoever, but I guess its just some things don’t make too much sense to me. First of all id like to talk about the fact that most girls our age wear a pound of makeup resulting in a look that’s extremely unnatural. I guess some guys think this is alright but in my mind it’s unnecessary to look unlike what you are when you first wakeup. The thing that frustrates me most of all is the whole black eye look, maybe its purpose is just to draw attention to the eye, but in my mind you just look like someone punched you in the face. Some individuals specifically in our school put so much makeup on that they look similar to a toy doll, something completely unnatural and fake. The way I see it you cant hid whatever is underneath it all which is your personality.
Second on the list of nuisances is the fact that girls seem to be the more stressed of the two genders. There’s always this mysterious term “Drama” that seems to be on the minds of every teenage girl. I don’t see how the concept of relaxing is so difficult to every human being. Simply closing your eyes and listening to whatever sort of music you enjoy is enough to get your mind in a relaxed state. Worrying about who’s going out with who or what happened on last nights One Tree Hill has nothing to do with your life. You achieve nothing by worrying, and your only making yourself more stressed out. The simplest thing you can do is just sit down and take a deep breath and just think about your life, where you have gone, not what other people are up to. Figure out your life first and then you can aid the others around you.
The biggest disappointment that I find in most high school girls is the fact that they seem more apt to due drugs. I don’t really have a problem with individuals drinking alcohol or getting high, but when girls complain that they were taken advantage of I get really annoyed. When its to a point when you drink week after week and get high almost every day, you forget the real purpose of your life. Most people throw away their lives when they take drugs that often, your throwing away your high school education (which I don’t think is very important) but most of all your throwing away your chance to get into a good school in college, and becoming something more than just an average person. There’s no reason that by the time you are 15 or 16 you don’t have the self responsibility to watch what the heck your doing. If you decide to make the decision of going to a drinking party expect that there will be many drunk people there and several people who you might have never met before.
Some of the stuff here may be a little controversial but whatever, that’s the point of a blog to see what other people think and then get a common view of what you are trying to talk about
-Cyril
The Mysterious World of GUYS
Last week, we talked about how girls may or may not have a secret code. Conveniently enough, there’s a article in the May 2008 issue of Seventeen magazine called, “INSIDE the secret world of GUYS.” Seventeen magazine, in my opinion, isn’t usually as blunt about how guys only want sex as they are in this particular article. Maybe because this article is mostly actual guys talking.
But as a girl, how am I supposed to respond to what this article says? Personally, it’s kind of turns me off to guys as a whole. Here, lemme show you.
“What he really means!”
HE SAYS: “Do you want to hang out at my house tonight?”
HE MEANS: “Let’s hook up.” This guy isn’t inviting you over to watch a movie -- he wants to make out with you until your parents call and tell you it’s time to come home.
HE SAYS: “Seriously, I”ve been thinking about you all day.”
HE MEANS: “Seriously, I”ve been thinking about making out with you all day.” Or at least that’s what he’s been thinking about from the moment you walked into the room and distracted him from his video games!
I mean, this entire thing bugs me. First of all, I was perfectly content with believing that guys really are like the perfect romantic guys in chick flicks. Oh, Seventeen, why did you have to ruin it for me? I refuse to believe that all guys want is to make out with you. That’s just stupid. Maybe it’s true, but it’s not all they want. (And by that, I do not mean sex. I mean like a real emotional connection.)
BRAIN SCAN: Find out what he’s really thinking when you’re...cuddling
“I’m basically thinking about how warm and soft she is. After a while, I get bored just cuddling, and I start to feel antsy. That’s when I’m thinking about how I want to touch her breast.” - Aaron, 19
Again, kind of annoying. Like, can guys just not think about things like that?
But that’s not to say guys aren’t doing things right. There are plenty of things guys do that are adorable. Like...
[at the movies] “If it’s the first date, all I’m thinking about isi what to do when. Do you hold her hand or put your arm around her? How do you transition your arm from your side to around her shoulder? What does she want you do to do? Honestly, the movie is the last thing on my mind.” -Isaac, 20
and
[at the end of the night] “I’m probably kicking myself for spilling something at dinner or being clumsy. At the same time, I just hope she likes me. If she stalls when we get back to her place, I’ll go in for a kiss. It’s nerve-racking, but I try to play it cool.” -Garrett, 18
All in all, I highly, highly, highly recommend checking this article out. If nothing else, it’s hilarious. If you don’t learn anything about the male species, at least you’ll get a good laugh out of it. And guys, maybe you can validate some of the claims made in it as well.
But as a girl, how am I supposed to respond to what this article says? Personally, it’s kind of turns me off to guys as a whole. Here, lemme show you.
“What he really means!”
HE SAYS: “Do you want to hang out at my house tonight?”
HE MEANS: “Let’s hook up.” This guy isn’t inviting you over to watch a movie -- he wants to make out with you until your parents call and tell you it’s time to come home.
HE SAYS: “Seriously, I”ve been thinking about you all day.”
HE MEANS: “Seriously, I”ve been thinking about making out with you all day.” Or at least that’s what he’s been thinking about from the moment you walked into the room and distracted him from his video games!
I mean, this entire thing bugs me. First of all, I was perfectly content with believing that guys really are like the perfect romantic guys in chick flicks. Oh, Seventeen, why did you have to ruin it for me? I refuse to believe that all guys want is to make out with you. That’s just stupid. Maybe it’s true, but it’s not all they want. (And by that, I do not mean sex. I mean like a real emotional connection.)
BRAIN SCAN: Find out what he’s really thinking when you’re...cuddling
“I’m basically thinking about how warm and soft she is. After a while, I get bored just cuddling, and I start to feel antsy. That’s when I’m thinking about how I want to touch her breast.” - Aaron, 19
Again, kind of annoying. Like, can guys just not think about things like that?
But that’s not to say guys aren’t doing things right. There are plenty of things guys do that are adorable. Like...
[at the movies] “If it’s the first date, all I’m thinking about isi what to do when. Do you hold her hand or put your arm around her? How do you transition your arm from your side to around her shoulder? What does she want you do to do? Honestly, the movie is the last thing on my mind.” -Isaac, 20
and
[at the end of the night] “I’m probably kicking myself for spilling something at dinner or being clumsy. At the same time, I just hope she likes me. If she stalls when we get back to her place, I’ll go in for a kiss. It’s nerve-racking, but I try to play it cool.” -Garrett, 18
All in all, I highly, highly, highly recommend checking this article out. If nothing else, it’s hilarious. If you don’t learn anything about the male species, at least you’ll get a good laugh out of it. And guys, maybe you can validate some of the claims made in it as well.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Freakonomics
I'm reading Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner and came across something interesting that sort of relates to this blog.
In a section in the book about online dating sites, there was something that caught my eye:
[In talking about what traits on your profile you list get you the most responses] "The traits that do draw a big response, meanwhile, will not be a big surprise to anyone with even a passing knowledge of the sexes. In fact, the preferences expressed by online daters fit snugly with the most common stereotypes about men and women.
"For instance, men who say they want a long-term relationship do much better than men looking for an occasional lover. but women looking for an occasional lover do great. For men, a woman's looks are of paramount importance. For women, a man's income is terribly important. The richer a man is, the more e-mails he receives. But a woman's income appeal is a bell-shaped curve: men do not want to date low-earning women, but once a woman starts earning too much, they seem to be scared off. Men want to date students, artists, musicians, veterinarians, and celebrities (while avoiding secretaries, retirees, and women in the military and law enforcement). Women do want to date military men, policemen, and firemen (possibly the result of a 9/11 Effect, like the higher payments to Paul Feldman's bagel business), along with lawyers and financial executives. Woman avoid laborers, actors, students, and men who work in food services or hospitality. For men, being short is a big disadvantage (which is probably why so many lie about it), but weight doesn't much matter. for women, being overweight is deadly (which is probably why they lie). For a man, having red hair or curly hair is a downer, as is baldness--but a shaved head is okay. For a woman, salt-and-pepper hair is bad, while blond hair is very good. In the world of online dating, a headful of blond hair on a woman is worth about the same as having a college degree--and, with a $100 dye job versus a $100,000 tuition bill, and awful lot cheaper."
So, the conclusion that this book has is that at least when anonymous in online dating sites, men and woman are stereotypical in their attraction toward the opposite sex. Men want beautiful blonds who aren't making more money than them, and woman want powerful, tall men who are making lots of money.
In a section in the book about online dating sites, there was something that caught my eye:
[In talking about what traits on your profile you list get you the most responses] "The traits that do draw a big response, meanwhile, will not be a big surprise to anyone with even a passing knowledge of the sexes. In fact, the preferences expressed by online daters fit snugly with the most common stereotypes about men and women.
"For instance, men who say they want a long-term relationship do much better than men looking for an occasional lover. but women looking for an occasional lover do great. For men, a woman's looks are of paramount importance. For women, a man's income is terribly important. The richer a man is, the more e-mails he receives. But a woman's income appeal is a bell-shaped curve: men do not want to date low-earning women, but once a woman starts earning too much, they seem to be scared off. Men want to date students, artists, musicians, veterinarians, and celebrities (while avoiding secretaries, retirees, and women in the military and law enforcement). Women do want to date military men, policemen, and firemen (possibly the result of a 9/11 Effect, like the higher payments to Paul Feldman's bagel business), along with lawyers and financial executives. Woman avoid laborers, actors, students, and men who work in food services or hospitality. For men, being short is a big disadvantage (which is probably why so many lie about it), but weight doesn't much matter. for women, being overweight is deadly (which is probably why they lie). For a man, having red hair or curly hair is a downer, as is baldness--but a shaved head is okay. For a woman, salt-and-pepper hair is bad, while blond hair is very good. In the world of online dating, a headful of blond hair on a woman is worth about the same as having a college degree--and, with a $100 dye job versus a $100,000 tuition bill, and awful lot cheaper."
So, the conclusion that this book has is that at least when anonymous in online dating sites, men and woman are stereotypical in their attraction toward the opposite sex. Men want beautiful blonds who aren't making more money than them, and woman want powerful, tall men who are making lots of money.
Monday, March 31, 2008
To respond to a quote from our Wall...
So, this topic has come from the one of the early wall posts on our Facebook group. The topic, or statement that April and I are going to respond to is as follows: “You can never trust a woman and everything they say has at least two or three meanings.”
So, this is like an ‘assess the validity question’ in APUSH class. Oh boy.
So, you can probably assume that the writer of this statement is a guy, and that is correct. From my experience it seems to be a very likely thought process of a guy. And so even if the guy who wrote this wasn’t completely serious about it, it still has a definite place in the blog. So, a lot of guys feel that girls are weird and hard to understand. I’d have to agree very whole heartedly with that. Now, maybe not the level of the statement where “you can never trust a woman” or that “everything they say has at least two or three meanings.” But I do see a lot of this being true.
Of course this is all from a guy’s perspective and so I don’t really know if girls just talk differently than guys do and so we just think they have secret codes for everything. But I do have to say, the way that most girls and most guys communicate, at least in my experience, is very different. Now sometimes girls will do this subconsciously, or only with other girls, and that makes this even more confusing for guys. We don’t know what’s going on anyway and then when a girl doesn’t even know she’s doing anything that is causing all this stress to the boy then that makes it even worse.
Probably a prevalent example of this is relating to our last topic, flirting. And while April and I agreed on a lot of what flirting was that doesn’t mean that girls don’t actually see it differently a lot of the time. This is why “everything they say has two meanings” can be somewhat correct. Sure they mean something, but they also mean something else, at least from a lot of my experience. Now, sure, sometimes this isn’t true. Sometimes what girls say and do accurately reflects what they feel, but a lot of the time, for whatever the reason might be they seem to defy their feelings and do things that would seem to go against what would be normal. And this doesn’t make sense to us guys. Like, why do girls complain about guys not being sensitive and stuff and then date the guys who aren’t sensitive and who are just the football players (stereotype definitely, but somewhat true).
How about, “you can never trust a woman”? Is this true? Well, I’d pretty much no. But, I do have to say, a lot of what happens that you don’t tell girls specifically is supposed to be secret isn’t kept secret. Or it’s kept secret between a couple girl friends. Now, this probably doesn’t actually happen all the time, and it’s a generalization, but I do still feel that it’s enough of truth that it can be said. And maybe this is just from girls talking more than guys, but that’s another stereotype that isn’t necessarily true.
So, this whole post is really one big generalization. But to conclude it I’ll reverse that direction by saying that I feel the statement that I’m assessing is much too vague to be true. But it definitely has its moments of veracity and in those moments are captured the confusion of guys everywhere when they try to understand girls.
The secret code of WOMEN
There is no actual secret code of women. At least not one that I’m aware of. But according to boys, us girls say one thing and mean another. So I’m here to unveil the best kept secret of the 21st century. (This blog topic was taken from Colin’s wall post on the facebook group).
Now, it’s probably true that we aren’t totally honest, and we expect the boys to know this. For example, when we say we don’t want presents, it’s totally not true. Who the hell doesn’t want presents? We just say that because we can’t be like GIVE ME GIFTS LOSER. But this depends largely on the girl too. Some girls actually don’t like extravagant things, and some girls do. I guess this is the part where you have to know your significant other well (as if you don’t already).
There are so many articles on this topic everywhere. Take a look-see:
Some of my favorites:
They say: I just don't want a BF right now
They mean: I just don't want you as a BF
^ I hate to say it, but this might actually be true. How many times have you or a friend or anyone rejected someone ( of either sex) and then found someone else days later? And a lot of the time, they told the rejectee they “weren’t interested in a relationship” or whatever, and obviously, they totally weren’t.
They say: I'm just goin out with the girls
They mean: We're gonna go out and make fun of you and yourfriends
^ I’d have to say, this one is not true. Actually maybe it sort of is. But not really. Of course we talk about boys when we’re with girlfriends. That’s one of the reasons we hang out with girlies. Making fun of boys is pretty fun too. But really, it’s just gushing and gossiping and being girls.
From this website:
“They use an ancient coded language,only decipherable to other females and totally encrypted to Males. If anyone ever breaks the code let me know,I get to a point where I think I understand them and then I realise I was just kidding myself!!”
And another thing I found somewhere. When a girl says they love you like a brother, they’ll never date you. Duncan showed me a thing a while ago about “the friend zone,” and it’s the perfect term for it. Some guys are just not guys you’d ever date, and they have to know that. But you smart boys probably know that.
Thank you Colin for the blog topic.
Now, it’s probably true that we aren’t totally honest, and we expect the boys to know this. For example, when we say we don’t want presents, it’s totally not true. Who the hell doesn’t want presents? We just say that because we can’t be like GIVE ME GIFTS LOSER. But this depends largely on the girl too. Some girls actually don’t like extravagant things, and some girls do. I guess this is the part where you have to know your significant other well (as if you don’t already).
There are so many articles on this topic everywhere. Take a look-see:
Some of my favorites:
They say: I just don't want a BF right now
They mean: I just don't want you as a BF
^ I hate to say it, but this might actually be true. How many times have you or a friend or anyone rejected someone ( of either sex) and then found someone else days later? And a lot of the time, they told the rejectee they “weren’t interested in a relationship” or whatever, and obviously, they totally weren’t.
They say: I'm just goin out with the girls
They mean: We're gonna go out and make fun of you and yourfriends
^ I’d have to say, this one is not true. Actually maybe it sort of is. But not really. Of course we talk about boys when we’re with girlfriends. That’s one of the reasons we hang out with girlies. Making fun of boys is pretty fun too. But really, it’s just gushing and gossiping and being girls.
From this website:
“They use an ancient coded language,only decipherable to other females and totally encrypted to Males. If anyone ever breaks the code let me know,I get to a point where I think I understand them and then I realise I was just kidding myself!!”
And another thing I found somewhere. When a girl says they love you like a brother, they’ll never date you. Duncan showed me a thing a while ago about “the friend zone,” and it’s the perfect term for it. Some guys are just not guys you’d ever date, and they have to know that. But you smart boys probably know that.
Thank you Colin for the blog topic.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Flirty McFlirt-Flirt. Or something.
So, flirting: What is it, who does it and why is it something that is so ubiquitous?
Actually, that sounds silly, but whatever. April and I have decided tonight to bring you some lovely blog posts about flirting. Mostly because this is what we do when we’re bored, flirt, not blog, duh.
But actually, both.
So yeah, I’d define flirting as pretty much anything that is done to get the attention of someone who you like or are somehow attracted to. Of course, this doesn’t have to always be the case, because I know some girls (ok, only two) flirt because it’s fun. It draws attention to you, which is the point. Generally you draw this attention to yourself so that whoever you’re flirting “at” (does that make sense even, do you flirt at someone? To someone maybe?) notices you more and pays attention to you.
Ok, so basically that was some circular logic right there in that last paragraph (ok, lie, it really wasn’t circular logic, but I did sort of circle with my train of thought). Can you tell I have no idea what to write? Good.
So, is flirting something we do subconsciously or consciously. I’d say a little bit of both. Sure, a lot of flirting is overt and over the top, and at that point it isn’t even flirting, it’s just attention seeking. But of course, do people subtly flirt. Or accidently flirt? Is a guy hanging out with girls all the time subconsciously flirting all the time?
I don’t actually know where this is going and it’s sort of stupid.
Ok, back on topic. So, quintessentially the flirting tactic of all guys (over fifth grade age) is to annoy girls. Through any way they can, basically. This comes from poking them, making fun of them, ignoring them, being mean to them, whatever. And this is basically pretty true, at least from my experience. Teasing girls and annoying them is definitely one way to get their attention. Not always the best way, but not taken too far it seems to work, at least to some degree. Of course, what about compliments and stuff like that? Sure, that’s flirting but it’s a flirting you don’t see a lot really, it’s hard to pull off for a guy because you can’t just go up to someone that you don’t know well and be like “you look pretty good in those pants.” Unless you want to come off as creepy. But teasing is easier to do with people you don’t know, and even people you do know, and therefore it’s an easier form of flirting than flattery.
Ok, so I don’t think this post makes any sense. But, April and I wanted to post something. Seriously, people, I’m sure you have better insight than this because this is basically me rambling about nothing.
The Art of Flirting...??
How do you define flirting? I don’t think it has a single definition. You can flirt with the intention of making someone want you (lol) or you can flirt for fun or you can flirt without knowing it or you can flirt with your significant other. You can flirt with anyone for any reason at any time anywhere and it’s still called flirting.
I don’t know if guys and girls have different ideas of what flirting is.
I think it all depends. Just laughing and joking with a guy doesn’t mean you’re flirting with him, in my opinion. It depends on the vibe. Hopefully you can tell if a guy asks you to hang out because he likes you or just wants to hang out.
But then again, you don’t have to like someone to flirt with them. You can just do it for fun.
Basically, I have no idea how to define flirting.
Flirt is such a weird word after saying it so many times.
Anyway, do guys flirt differently than girls? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s divided into girls and guys. Rather, it’s more like people who flirt a lot and people who only flirt with people they like. People who flirt a lot do it for fun, or for attention. And there’s totally nothing wrong with that.
Learn how to flirt
One point made in the wiki is that you shouldn’t flirt with high expectations. Again, usually it’s just for fun.
But I know a lot of girls who “flirt like crazy” to get a guy to like them. It works too. :]
I don’t know if guys and girls have different ideas of what flirting is.
I think it all depends. Just laughing and joking with a guy doesn’t mean you’re flirting with him, in my opinion. It depends on the vibe. Hopefully you can tell if a guy asks you to hang out because he likes you or just wants to hang out.
But then again, you don’t have to like someone to flirt with them. You can just do it for fun.
Basically, I have no idea how to define flirting.
Flirt is such a weird word after saying it so many times.
Anyway, do guys flirt differently than girls? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s divided into girls and guys. Rather, it’s more like people who flirt a lot and people who only flirt with people they like. People who flirt a lot do it for fun, or for attention. And there’s totally nothing wrong with that.
Learn how to flirt
One point made in the wiki is that you shouldn’t flirt with high expectations. Again, usually it’s just for fun.
But I know a lot of girls who “flirt like crazy” to get a guy to like them. It works too. :]
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Relationship dynamics: the view from the outside
I basically agree with everything Duncan already said, but I’m hoping I can add to it or provoke different ideas amongst you readers. Duncan relates this topic to his recent breakup, but I can relate it to the relationship I’m in currently.
In my opinion, I’m a good judge of character and I don’t get blinded by love or anger or any emotion too too much. I believe that if I were being abused or mistreated, I would know. I’m strong enough to put an end to it.
...Buttttt you never know. So, when my friends started telling me that they thought my boyfriend wasn’t caring or whatever, I freaked out a little. I talked to a couple people about it. And it’s not like I don’t realize that he jokes around a lot and makes fun of me, but it never really bothers me. But still, I took these concerns to heart because I know that my friends are just looking out for me and I also did not want to be the idiot at the end.
But ultimately, while my friends know me well enough, they don’t know the dynamic of my relationship at all. So I put these concerns aside and I’ll save them for when he’s actually being a jerk. For now though, I’m totally fine with the way things are, though I know that no matter how many times I emphasize that, no one will ever fully believe me.
And that’s the way it is. Like Duncan said, only the two people actually involved in the relationship truly know what’s going on. Sure, sometimes they need friends to get them out of a denial stage, but for the most part, the two people know themselves the best.
I think outsiders and onlookers have a right to be concerned and to judge and to let you know what’s up if they see a red flag, but they also have to bestow a great amount of trust in the couple. If a couple is actually having a problem, trust that they’ll work things out themselves. There’s no need to meddle, most of the time.
Nota Bene. There are always exceptions to a rule. As with everything, it depends on the situation at hand. But still, whatever happens, happens.
In my opinion, I’m a good judge of character and I don’t get blinded by love or anger or any emotion too too much. I believe that if I were being abused or mistreated, I would know. I’m strong enough to put an end to it.
...Buttttt you never know. So, when my friends started telling me that they thought my boyfriend wasn’t caring or whatever, I freaked out a little. I talked to a couple people about it. And it’s not like I don’t realize that he jokes around a lot and makes fun of me, but it never really bothers me. But still, I took these concerns to heart because I know that my friends are just looking out for me and I also did not want to be the idiot at the end.
But ultimately, while my friends know me well enough, they don’t know the dynamic of my relationship at all. So I put these concerns aside and I’ll save them for when he’s actually being a jerk. For now though, I’m totally fine with the way things are, though I know that no matter how many times I emphasize that, no one will ever fully believe me.
And that’s the way it is. Like Duncan said, only the two people actually involved in the relationship truly know what’s going on. Sure, sometimes they need friends to get them out of a denial stage, but for the most part, the two people know themselves the best.
I think outsiders and onlookers have a right to be concerned and to judge and to let you know what’s up if they see a red flag, but they also have to bestow a great amount of trust in the couple. If a couple is actually having a problem, trust that they’ll work things out themselves. There’s no need to meddle, most of the time.
Nota Bene. There are always exceptions to a rule. As with everything, it depends on the situation at hand. But still, whatever happens, happens.
So, more stuff about relationships.
April and I have decided we have fairly similar views on this topic and so I'll be posting this. Though, of course she is free to either write her own or to comment on this to affirm or deny what I wrote.
So, as of recent events in my life, I’m currently single. I’d like to, in this post, not talk about being single now or breaking up or anything like that but instead the way that relationships are viewed.
This recent development came as a shock to many of my friends, and a many of my ex’s friends too. To them, while granted I didn’t talk to a lot of my friends about my relationship, they saw a relationship which was not in any danger of falling apart. Now, I can’t speak for my ex’s friends, but I’d assume most or many of them would be in the same sort of boat. They were probably shocked by this just as my friends were.
This surprise experienced by the outside world was, I think, much more expected by my ex and myself. Partially because we both came to the same conclusion that we should break up, this can be accounted for, as we were both preparing ourselves for it. But, the fact that we were the ones in the relationship and not out friends can also be a large factor in this.
The point of this being that it seems to me that the only people who know what’s really going on in a relationship between two people are those two people. It doesn’t matter how much you tell your best friend, or how much you think that your friends understand you; what matters to really understanding a relationship and its dynamics are the people in it. And those two people are the ones who really should be making judgments about what is going on in the relationship, about if they are moving too fast or to slow and so on.
When people outside of the relationship look on, into the fishbowl, as it is, they see with a distorted image of what one side tells them, with their own biases and prejudices and so on. This skewed view of the relationship coming from the people outside of it, if then fed into the relationship through one of the people can cause all sorts of problems which would not have occurred before. While yes, people are allowed to think what they want and to advise their friends how they want to, they should understand that they probably can’t actually understand what is going on in the relationship dynamic.
Now, I feel that if I don’t add this at the end, I’ll get attacked for it: In some cases the outside influence is needed from someone because when you’re in a relationship you might possibly be blind to what your partner does and this could develop into an abusive relationship. But, I think that in most cases an abusive relationship isn’t going to be the case and trying to find one where there is none is futile and wasteful.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Finally, another topic!
Sorry about the very long hiatus. And sorry that this post is so long.
I don’t think the way a guy dresses makes him more attractive or less attractive, necessarily. But, I do think that the style the guy has tells a lot about his personality. Therefore, if the way a guy dresses points to a character quality that you don’t like, it’s kind of a turn off. Of course, this is what we call “judging a book by its cover” but I’m just sayin’.
I don’t think a guy has to dress well to be hot, but I’m sure there are plenty of girls who do. A well-dressed man has a certain look of cleanliness and a level of personal care that makes them more open to others. It shows that they can take care of themselves and are ready and able to put themselves out there. It reflects a level of confidence, which of course is always attractive.
Now, just to clarify, I don’t mean that the more clothes from American Eagle one owns, the hotter he is. Because personally, I hate American Eagle. But that’s beside the point.
This is a really hard question.
Okay, I think this is what I think, in a nutshell: I know that I, for one, judge based on clothes and style, but that is because I notice these things anyway. I pretty much know the wardrobes of all of my guy friends because I’m just cool like that =] And the dealbreaker (except not really, but for lack of a better term) is always the shoes. A guy who wears good shoes is always attractive. I don’t know why.
And I’m off again. Back to the point. Basically, dressing nicely makes a good first impression. Beyond that, clothes don’t matter. As long as they have a “style.” Which, in my opinion, everyone does. Even if they wear really nasty grungey clothes -- that’s their style.
And another thing: In writing this post, I have come to find that I really dislike it when guys wear clothes from Hollister and American Eagle just because they think it’s the trendy thing to do. If it’s not your style, don’t wear it. So basically, be yourself. (And to make a connection: it doesn’t really matter what you wear, but how you wear it. Wearing something that represents who you are is the best anyone can ask for.)
As far as girls dressing up: I touched on this in one of the earlier posts, but I agree with Duncan. Guys don’t give a crap about how girls dress. So why do we spend so much time and effort to look nice? Well, first off, we aren’t trying to impress guys, necessarily (depends on situation). But looking good makes you feel good which in turn makes you look even better. And we like compliments.
I don’t think the way a guy dresses makes him more attractive or less attractive, necessarily. But, I do think that the style the guy has tells a lot about his personality. Therefore, if the way a guy dresses points to a character quality that you don’t like, it’s kind of a turn off. Of course, this is what we call “judging a book by its cover” but I’m just sayin’.
I don’t think a guy has to dress well to be hot, but I’m sure there are plenty of girls who do. A well-dressed man has a certain look of cleanliness and a level of personal care that makes them more open to others. It shows that they can take care of themselves and are ready and able to put themselves out there. It reflects a level of confidence, which of course is always attractive.
Now, just to clarify, I don’t mean that the more clothes from American Eagle one owns, the hotter he is. Because personally, I hate American Eagle. But that’s beside the point.
This is a really hard question.
Okay, I think this is what I think, in a nutshell: I know that I, for one, judge based on clothes and style, but that is because I notice these things anyway. I pretty much know the wardrobes of all of my guy friends because I’m just cool like that =] And the dealbreaker (except not really, but for lack of a better term) is always the shoes. A guy who wears good shoes is always attractive. I don’t know why.
And I’m off again. Back to the point. Basically, dressing nicely makes a good first impression. Beyond that, clothes don’t matter. As long as they have a “style.” Which, in my opinion, everyone does. Even if they wear really nasty grungey clothes -- that’s their style.
And another thing: In writing this post, I have come to find that I really dislike it when guys wear clothes from Hollister and American Eagle just because they think it’s the trendy thing to do. If it’s not your style, don’t wear it. So basically, be yourself. (And to make a connection: it doesn’t really matter what you wear, but how you wear it. Wearing something that represents who you are is the best anyone can ask for.)
As far as girls dressing up: I touched on this in one of the earlier posts, but I agree with Duncan. Guys don’t give a crap about how girls dress. So why do we spend so much time and effort to look nice? Well, first off, we aren’t trying to impress guys, necessarily (depends on situation). But looking good makes you feel good which in turn makes you look even better. And we like compliments.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Crazy 'bout a Sharp Dressed Man?
So, I was just listening to the ZZ Top song, Sharp Dressed Man and decided that this would be a good topic for the blog.
Not just a sharp dressed man though, but how women dress and does it change attractiveness?
Why is it that some people dress up and always look nice? Does it actually increase their attractiveness when guys do this? Sure, it shows that they can go out of their way to look nice all the time, but is this really necessary? Just to pose some questions because April isn't around to answer them herself.
But, how do how women dress affect men and how they view attractiveness. Now, I can only speak for myself, but I find that, while clothes can sometimes really enhance a girl's appearance and make her look better than she might just wearing sweat pants and a sweat shirt, I don't think that it makes such a huge difference as some girls, and guys too I guess, make it out to be. I think that a girl can be just as attractive in a pair of sweatpants as in a pair of jeans or a skirt. The only thing that is going to change in my eyes is what they are wearing and what it looks like specifically. Now, I'm specifically talking clothes here and leaving out hair and makeup because that's a whole Pandora's Box of information. But in terms of just clothing I think that it makes very little real difference.
This though is in an every day situation, like at school. While I don't see clothes themselves as playing a huge role in appearance where it counts in terms of attractiveness I do see it counting in terms of appearance in general.
Ok, so I think I lost my train of thought, but to close this post off, here's the music video of Sharp Dressed Man:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW_QCRGvT-g
Not just a sharp dressed man though, but how women dress and does it change attractiveness?
Why is it that some people dress up and always look nice? Does it actually increase their attractiveness when guys do this? Sure, it shows that they can go out of their way to look nice all the time, but is this really necessary? Just to pose some questions because April isn't around to answer them herself.
But, how do how women dress affect men and how they view attractiveness. Now, I can only speak for myself, but I find that, while clothes can sometimes really enhance a girl's appearance and make her look better than she might just wearing sweat pants and a sweat shirt, I don't think that it makes such a huge difference as some girls, and guys too I guess, make it out to be. I think that a girl can be just as attractive in a pair of sweatpants as in a pair of jeans or a skirt. The only thing that is going to change in my eyes is what they are wearing and what it looks like specifically. Now, I'm specifically talking clothes here and leaving out hair and makeup because that's a whole Pandora's Box of information. But in terms of just clothing I think that it makes very little real difference.
This though is in an every day situation, like at school. While I don't see clothes themselves as playing a huge role in appearance where it counts in terms of attractiveness I do see it counting in terms of appearance in general.
Ok, so I think I lost my train of thought, but to close this post off, here's the music video of Sharp Dressed Man:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW_QCRGvT-g
Friday, February 29, 2008
Guest Contributor on a very good topic
April and Duncan have gotten extremely lazy with updating this little blog of theirs, and I think it’s about time someone brought it back to life. I want to write about a topic that I think gets brushed under the rug A LOT. That is, when a best friend gets a boy/girl friend, what happens to your relationship?
Now, I know that every person is an individual and that everyone acts differently in different situations and blah blah blah… BUT it can’t be denied that when your best friend gets a boy/girl friend, everything changes. All of the sudden, there’s a new person in that person’s life and the balance of things gets super altered. To make a chemistry reference, the chemical equation has to be fixed so that everything can remain stable and nobody feels like they’re being rejected.
The problem is that no matter what your best friend TRIES to do, somebody ends up missing out, which only causes further conflict. A classic dilemma is this: A friend is celebrating their birthday, but she/he can’t decide how they want to spend their big day. One the one hand, his/her friends want to throw a huge party, but on the other hand, their beau wants to have a special day with him/her. Or at the very least, they want some quality alone time. The point is that the friend is forced to choose between his/her friends or his/her dating partner. Ultimately, somebody is going to feel as though their companionship is not as valuable as somebody else’s.
So how does one exit this loop? Or at the very least avoid the pain that’s involved? Truthfully, I’m not quite sure but my theory is this: If you truly care about someone, you’ll let them explore new things and meet new people. Every so often, someone new will come into the picture and change things up, but if your relationship was strong and real in the first place, then in time, everything will come back into balance. Eventually, the new will turn into the typical, and life will continue onwards. If things don’t work out, then there’s always time to meet someone new. And as a good friend, you’ll be there when it happens.
Well, I don’t know about you, but I normally never read an entire entry because they’re just too damn long. So yes, I like to keep my entries short. Please tell April and Duncan to get off their butts and write updates for this thing…because this whole “writing a guest blog” endeavor was quiet tiring.
~ Written by a CCMWMV
Now, I know that every person is an individual and that everyone acts differently in different situations and blah blah blah… BUT it can’t be denied that when your best friend gets a boy/girl friend, everything changes. All of the sudden, there’s a new person in that person’s life and the balance of things gets super altered. To make a chemistry reference, the chemical equation has to be fixed so that everything can remain stable and nobody feels like they’re being rejected.
The problem is that no matter what your best friend TRIES to do, somebody ends up missing out, which only causes further conflict. A classic dilemma is this: A friend is celebrating their birthday, but she/he can’t decide how they want to spend their big day. One the one hand, his/her friends want to throw a huge party, but on the other hand, their beau wants to have a special day with him/her. Or at the very least, they want some quality alone time. The point is that the friend is forced to choose between his/her friends or his/her dating partner. Ultimately, somebody is going to feel as though their companionship is not as valuable as somebody else’s.
So how does one exit this loop? Or at the very least avoid the pain that’s involved? Truthfully, I’m not quite sure but my theory is this: If you truly care about someone, you’ll let them explore new things and meet new people. Every so often, someone new will come into the picture and change things up, but if your relationship was strong and real in the first place, then in time, everything will come back into balance. Eventually, the new will turn into the typical, and life will continue onwards. If things don’t work out, then there’s always time to meet someone new. And as a good friend, you’ll be there when it happens.
Well, I don’t know about you, but I normally never read an entire entry because they’re just too damn long. So yes, I like to keep my entries short. Please tell April and Duncan to get off their butts and write updates for this thing…because this whole “writing a guest blog” endeavor was quiet tiring.
~ Written by a CCMWMV
Monday, February 18, 2008
A guest post.
My age is the same as that of April dear's. My gender is the same as that of Duncan's. I would not hesitate to say that I am unlike either, and perhaps this change in perspective will prove to be of utmost interest to our esteemed readers. Given that, let me proceed to discuss a rather touchy topic. Or topics. Either or. I might write about one, perhaps two.
Prom is an interesting thing for high schoolers. It gives us a chance to socialize, and for socially inept people such as myself, well, that is not something to take lightly. However, I find it for whatever reason somewhat difficult to find a date. Well, you might ask, why is that so? Perhaps that can be attributed to my own fault, whether it be a personality that doesn't rub well with others, or a general state of hideousness that inherently causes those of the other gender to flinch and flee from my presence. I would like to imagine that neither is the case, as well, I do not believe I am possessed of either a remarkably awful personality or a malevolent and disgusting outward appearance, though I am quite sure my ex would beg to differ on both accounts. That being said, let us continue. Yes, I do wish to go to prom, so long as the particular girl I wish to go with is able and willing to go with me. Yes, April, you do not need to yell at me for not going. Because I fully intend to go, so long as that happens. Of course, the situation is somewhat muddled and complicated, but I hold no rancor or resentment towards the girl or the other person involved. Things just don't work out sometimes. But why do we, collectively as high schoolers, mostly anyway, yearn to go to prom? It is a confusing and oft perplexing question. Having given you, dear reader, somewhat of a backdrop to my situation and perspective, let us delve deeper.
I have been told that prom is an American tradition of sorts, one that should be followed and upheld. Perhaps, but I believe it to be far simpler. It is a more formal occasion for socializing, as I have mentioned. It is every girl's dream to go to prom and see what it's all about, and whatnot, as April has told me. However, and I speak solely for myself, I do not believe I would like to go, except if I were to go with a girl I liked, or at least could bear the company of, since well, for me, it is nice to spend time around someone I enjoy spending time around.
Let's talk about something of more personal importance to myself. Would you say that people deserve second chances in a relationship? If one goes bad, and the person genuinely changes, would he or she deserve a second chance? I believe so. People make mistakes, they change, and they grow older and wiser, to some degree. It is perhaps one of the most painful experiences to know that you are different, changed, better, and not be given a second chance. To realize that your mistake, however impossible for you to make again, has resulted in consequences permanent and definite, with no real hope for redemption. Despite this, for whatever reason, it is often hard for us to give those who deserve a second chance a second chance. We question whether they are fully changed, or truly different. We remember their past mistakes, the ones they made that were so hurtful and painful to us. But I believe that to forgive takes true character, something more than the average person is capable of. To give someone a real second chance, to wipe of the slate completely, is something truly remarkable. It takes good judgment, strong conviction, and ultimately, great faith to do so. On a personal level, I have made a tremendous number of mistakes, all of which hurt someone I cared about. These mistakes have helped me grow as a person, maturing into someone I believe to be truly different. I would not hesitate to say that the me of today is not the same as the me of even two months ago. The past two months has seen in me tremendous change and upheaval, a permanent shift in character that really is only possible because of the mistakes I have made. Mistakes are meant to be made, and with that, I believe we are meant to forgive, but not necessarily forget the pain we have felt from them. While we cannot forget that pain, we should also realize that those mistakes, however hurtful, are ones we too can make, and ones that often make us better people in the end. Those who make mistakes, and freely admit to it and change as a result, are definitely worthy of our forgiveness. We are meant to forgive those who hurt us, and in doing so, we recognize that people are capable of growth and development in character.
I appreciate that you have read this far. My thoughts are not worth much, but there they are.
I bid you good day.
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